I am upset because I genuinely like the first bit. That is a good level of purple. A fun kind of purple. What happened.
Oh my god this is a goldmine. Like. Some amount of purple prose and melodrama would actually make sense for the fandom…but…
I think what's most confusing to me is that it sort of reads like the author wrote out a first draft that was very plain and straightforward, and then deliberately went back and turned it into…this. Even the narrator is confused. (Alas, that's supposed to show her being overwhelmed by her lust for the love interest, not her breaking the fourth wall.)
-strokes lovecraft book- this is why i love you and not random fanfic authors YOU. MY DARLING. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. -begins sobbing about the dream cycle-
That feel when you go so far into being bad at writing porn that you end up being really good at writing horror.
Considering that the love interest here is a supervillain who has apparently stalked and kidnapped our protagonist, horror is 100% the right word. Although the author seems to think it's romantic, because of course. "He kisses me. With tongue."
Thing I learned from fanfic; the Madonna-whore dichotomy is not any less offensive and annoying when a) it's coming from a woman, especially one old and educated enough to know better, and/or b) the whore side is the one being praised.
Honestly now I'm tempted to try... (Note that much to my eternal frustration, I can't write smut to save my life.)
OKAY I THINK YOUR ASKING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THESE SENTENCES WAS RHETORICAL AND NOT YOU BEING CONFUSED BUT I COULDN'T RESIST THIS PRIME LITERARY* ANALYSIS OPPORTUNITY *for a given value of literary "He frolics like a satyr**, smiling. Even though I'm terrified, his happiness is infectious. I'm so worried that it shouldn't be possible, but I smile regardless." *CONNOTATIONS ARE A THING MY FRIEND and I think you mean, like, "ends" or something, as in it makes the narrator less afraid, but that is... not what you wrote. please put the thesaurus down and back away slowly **side note, what the fuck kinda children's movie has satyrs in it, those guys are at least PG-13 also I'm working with barely salvageable material here, please forgive my mediocre prose "He giggles, and it's like no sound I've ever heard before." and the meaning of this is ffffairly obvious, but I have some Questions about word choice: 1) okay but like. why reels. is that a metaphor?? are we talking film reels here??? 2) I'll give you "lubricate" and the assertion that the pleasure is doing the lubricating, since, I mean, it makes sense? but that is NOT A SEXY WORD, friend. I don't know what would be, admittedly, but that is. not. 3) BUT WHY IS THE OBJECT OF "LUBRICATE" "INNARDS"?? a) "innards" is even LESS sexy that "lubricate" and incidentally a terrible word that no one should use ever, and b) you lost me?? I THOUGHT YOU WERE LOGICALLY DESCRIBING THE PROCESS OF AROUSAL IN UNNECESSARY DETAIL BUT. THE INNARDS ARE NOT LUBRICATED, THE OUTERS ARE LUBRICATED 4) the reels are "propelling" a moan?? what??? that is not. a thing people say, nor is it a clever new use of language, because. how do reels propel. also, where is the moan propelled to? "in my head"? if so, that's... not the preposition you want there, you want "to" or "into" if you're gonna insist on that description. 5) "a loss of resistance to gravity." just. "a loss of resistance to gravity." that's... pretty much a double negative, logically speaking? and way more words than you need? "my head feels heavy." there. short, though nnnnot particularly sweet, because that is a weird detail. but. tl;dr please don't use words that you haven't seen used elsewhere, you're missing usage conventions and connotations and tbh you just sound like you're shitting thesaurus entries okay that was kind of mean-spirited and petty, but I was lowkey SPERG RAEG about it, and anyway I would totally give them that feedback (with exaggerated frustration removed) except I don't think they'd either want or appreciate it. I just kinda have a GIVE FEEDBACK impulse and I don't have a productive betaing outlet or anything, so. INCIDENTALLY IF YOU ARE IN THE MARKET FOR A BETA I AM LONELY, PROBABLY WILLING TO SPEND EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF TIME ON YOUR WRITING, AND WILL OFFER WRITING SAMPLES ON REQUEST TO PROVE THAT I SORT OF KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, PLEASE GIVE ME A LOVING HOME
Yeah, and the strange thing is that it's technically grammatically correct. Ugh. I do 3d modeling and... it's worse. Much worse. It is an amazing phrase, isn't it?
@unknownanonymous ah! yeah, I never watched that, and I read it a loooong time ago. ...are there any others you can think of? I feel like it ought to be an established trend if you're going to reference it like that.
