shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Nah, I'm talkin' about pizza, man. It's the kinda stuff that I used to order all the time for my big ol' crew of misfits when we could afford it. Team Skull was always broke as heck, but we'd all pitch in to throw a good rager back at the base every other weekend. That stuff was lit.

 

[Hive gives a sympathetic noise, patting Thunder on the shoulder carefully.]

<Huh. That's an odd way of going about it, but if it works-! And, yeah - food is food, doesn't matter how it's gotten in my opinion. So long as it isn't putting the colony in danger. But yeah, it sounds like your colony's queen died? What happened to them? Or, did you not have one to start?>

 

[look at the grubloaf. now look at karkat. now back to the grubloaf. the grubloaf is now troll pizza]

IF THE WAY YOU'RE DRESSED IS ANY INDICATION, I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR RAGTAG TURDGANG OR "RAGERS"

IN FACT, I SO DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT THAT MY AURICULARS HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO SEAL THEMSELVES SHUT IN ANTICIPATION! THE LOSS OF ONE OF MY TREASURED SENSES IS BUT A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR THE BLISS THAT IGNORANCE BRINGS.

 

That's why I was suggesting flour, silly.

 

WHY EXPEND THE EFFORT TO GRIND THEM UP IN THE *FIRST* PLACE IF YOU CAN JUST TOSS THEM WHOLE IN SOMETHING ELSE. AT THAT POINT YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE STUFFED A HUMAN PIZZA IN YOUR MAW AND CALLED IT A NIGHT

 

Bug flour is actually pretty common in some places! It's good for people with protein deficiencies.

 

~~~(8:> LOL

 

Society is stupid, so we liked to mess around and cause mayhem as a big "Hah! In your face" to it. Anyways, disbanded or not, you're in no place to be dissin' the team, pipsqueak. One look at you tells me you ain't even a trainer. I can't even beat you down 'cuz there's nothing to beat down. Shape the heck up if you wanna throw down, Big Bad Guzma will be waitin' for ya.

 

I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE DISCUSSING HYPOTHETICALS, BECAUSE YOU'D HAVE TO GRIND IT UP YOURSELF, GIVEN YOUR SPECIES ATE TEN KINDS OF SHIT WHEN THE UNDEAD TOOK A LEISURE TRIP TO YOUR PLANET? AND I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN WE'VE ESTABLISHED DAVE AND I COULDN'T MAKE SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH IF IT CAME WITH CLAWS AND AN ENTICING CARPET-WRAPPED POST.

I MEAN, YES, I COULD GO "HI, DOMINOS? YOUR GOD-KING DEMANDS A PIZZA MADE WITH FLOUR LOVINGLY CRAFTED FROM THE CRUSHED EXOSKELETONS OF WHATEVER BUG PIECES YOU'VE GOT LYING AROUND" BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE A BIT MUCH.

BIG BAD GUZMA CAN COME POLISH MY HEAVING MUTANT BULGE IF HE THINKS HE'S ROUGH ENOUGH! I'VE SEEN UNIVERSES DIE, BITCH. YOU DON'T SCARE ME

 

We were! Dave complained about the cronch of bugs on pizza, I said flour would have been better if you were going to do bug pizza.

-she remembers they exist and summons a scorpion sucker, nibbling at a corner- I'd try to make these but not a lot of scorpions around and the cricket ones are only okish.

 

Hey, watch the language! There might be kids around, ya know? I don't give a heck about universes bein' destroyed, pipsqueak. That's baby stuff. Wanna see what real destruction looks like? Here it is in human form—It's ya boy, Guzma!

 

OK, I'LL CEDE THAT POINT, BOTH BECAUSE I AM MATURE ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN I'M BEING AN IDIOT (ALWAYS) AND BECAUSE I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT YOU ON THAT

CRICKETS ARE *WAY* BETTER THAN SCORPIONS, ESPECIALLY IN DESSERTS. BIG BEETLES ARE THE BEST, MOSTLY BECAUSE THERE'S MORE THERE AND I LIKE THE WING COVERINGS, BUT CRICKETS ARE JUST VERSATILE. THEY'RE LIKE HIGH FRUCTOSE GRUBSAUCE, THEY CAN GO IN EVERYTHING

MY NAME IS KARKAT, FUCKHEAD, AND THIS IS AS POLITE AS I'M GETTING. YOU CAN CALL IT AN INCURABLE CONDITION IF IT HELPS YOU AND YOUR POOR MORALS SLEEP THROUGH THE DAY

 

You tell 'em, Boss!

 

Yeah, Boss, show 'em that Team Skull's the real deal!

 

I've told y'all a bajillion times already: It's not Boss anymore, it's ya boy, Guzma! Team Skull's disbanded.

Poor morals? Man, y'all are stupid, pipsqueak. It's Alola's morals that are all rotten. It's all island challenge this, pokemon league that. No one gives a dang about the little guy. Tons a' kids flunk the island challenge every day, and they're stuck with no job, no opportunities, no future. Meanwhile, guys like me can be the strongest trainer in Alola and they wouldn't even let me make island captain. Nobody needs those moldy old, rotten traditions. That stuff's what's really morally bankrupt, ya dig?

 

I don't like the tickly bits in crickets. Hard to keep down. Most beetles on Earth are pretty gross as a survival mechanism, but diving beetles are pretty good! We mostly eat larvae instead of grown insects, for some reason. Silkworm pupae are pretty good fried! Only desserts I've had are the suckers though, and they had scorpion, cricket, and ant where I was. -she summons a cricket one for Karkat and offers it to him-

 

DUDE.

POOR AS IN "POOR DEAR SWEET PRECIOUS GUZMA AND HIS ENDLESS CONCERN FOR HYPOTHETICAL WIGGLERS WHO DEFINITELY SWEAR MORE THAN I DO" NOT POOR AS IN LACKING, YOU BOX OF ROCKS. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU FROM THE NEXT OBNOXIOUS DIPSHIT, I CAN'T JUDGE YOUR MORALS.

[karkat takes it and immediately cronches that shit]

TAKE THE FRIED SILKWORMS AND PUT THEM ON ICE CREAM WITH, LIKE, NORMAL NOT BLOW-YOUR-PAN-OUT HONEY. BAM, DESSERT

 

Hey Boss, what's a "DIPSHIT"?

 

-Guzma unleashes a very loud, very long, and very impressive string of swear word substitutions.-

 

[karkat summons a mirror]