shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

LMAO personhood debates. Being a person is srsly overrated anyhoo

 

[Scanner has no sympathy at all. None. Zilch. Bye. Miss him with that personhood jetfuel.]

The minicon gets it.
... Semi-mechanoid? Help me out here pal, I've got no fragging idea what's going on with your set up.

 

-A small black rat appears-
Squeak?
-this sounds rather like it might be rat for "What the heck?"-

 

A rat. LOL nah, I'm a human. This is a mask. *taps his mask and where he touches it the LED's make a water-ripple pattern across the mask before settling back to its default*

oh fuckin same

 

-a slim minibot painted deep dark blue walks in and goes straight to Scanner, lifting her arms imperiously-

 

-Lysander is a bit taken aback- Excuse me Sir, do you happen to know where we are?

 

Will you squishy little fuckers chill out on the creepy technological advancements any time soon or has that astrotrain already pummelled face first into a wall?

[He brightens up considerably and picks her up, settling in to carry her for the next foreseeable forever. Wifey.]

 

Dreamland, my handsome bruh

Uh? This isn't that tech advanced. Just a touch sensitive spot on the screen that makes up my mask. I've got a few for when I do gigs. P lit

 

-she settles into his arms and pats his face, giving the rest of everyone there a quick, expressionless sweeping glance-

 

[Scanner pulls a face]
Look I don't exactly trust humans to tell the truth about their slag, I'm just gonna assume you have an anti-mechanoid missile system tucked away in there, no offense. And even if it's not "that tech advanced" it's still creepy as pits.

[He leans into the touch]
Be honest with me, what did I do?

 

Nothing, in this instance.

 

-smoothes his whiskers- It certainly looks like it. You aren´t a doctor are you?

 

SOMEONE LISTENING, HUH? NOW *THAT'S* A NOVEL FUCKING EXPERIENCE. AT LONG LAST, FINALLY I, TOO, CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO MORE THAN 30% OF WHAT I SAY

I'M TEARING UP

[karkat snickers]

GLORY TO THE EMPIRE, BIG GUY. WE ARE ALL TOOLS TO SERVE THE EMPRESS, LONG MAY HER FISHY ASS REIGN.

OH, WAIT, SHE'S DEAD. HERETIC PARTY!

 

rude, it's my face. I'm a DJ, I gotta look hip and cool because I am. Ain't nothing but my human face under it, the ugly thing that it is.

Nah. Ur thinkin' plague doctors, yea? *Crouches down* It's neat how you can speak english, my rat only knows rat.

 

[He snorts.]
Give it a few kliks.

Don't flatter yourself too much, Big brother doesn't gotta love you to be watching you.

Does it being your face preclude there being weapons installed? I think we need to have a talk with some poor fraggers then. Primus, that'll be awkward. "I'm sorry, pal, that's not your face, your face is whichever part of you DOESN'T have weapons installed in it. What's that? Even your valve can be repurposed into an EMP? Then I'm very sorry, I fear you simply don't have a face at all. I know, I know a tragedy. What new cruelty will they think of next. Empurata is so yesteryear."

 

I am here for... moral support, I believe Skydrop calls it.

 

Yes. We asylum rats know not to trust doctors who wear masks. It´s because we live so much longer you see. We had time to learn. I suppose being a lab rat must be good for something.

 

... if it had weapons in it it would be too heavy to wear while doin' the shit I do.
Anyway all I need is a cellphone to be deadly.

Huh. That's pretty neat but also sounds like shit sucks. *reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out some pumpkin seeds* Have a gift from one awesome rat to another

~~(8:>

 

OH, TRUST ME, I KNOW! NO ONE IS MORE PAINFULLY AWARE OF HOW INSUFFERABLE I AM THAN ME. IF THIS WERE A DEBATE, EVERYONE WOULD GIVE THEIR WELL-THOUGHT-OUT SPEECHES, AND THEN...

I MARCH UP TO THE PODIUM, LOOK YOU ALL IN THE EYE, AND PROJECTILE VOMIT ONTO THE SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED AUDIENCE. A WIGGLER BEGINS TO CRY, BUT I DO NOT CARE. NO! FOR I AM AN UNFEELING WALL OF ANGER AND BILE, AND DOUSING YOU IN MY GASTRIC SOUP IS MY ONLY GOAL IN LIFE

 

[He nuzzles her helm briefly, thankful.]

Oh boy! Mental dissonance, it's for breakfast! Those statements were directly sequential sentences and yet! You still said both of them as if they weren't mutually exclusive, since I know for a fact a human cellphone isn't a several tonne brick!