shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

oh it was just the sweatiest nastiest hormonal bitchfits youve ever seen
im pretty sure it scarred me for life

and yeah you could say it had something to do with godhood
we made a universe but it took two sessions and people from three universes to actually do it
fucking fish hitlers and dog demons always jacking everything up i swear to god
cant let a dude breed frogs in peace

slim pickins eh
these are truly trying times
i think i sort of almost dated a tealblood once shes nice but in a fucking terrifying way
and then i think maybe us dating would have gotten us all dead? im still not entirely clear on what she and john did
mostly because asking involves a lot of oh i accidentally hit the gay button because that totally exists and tz is not exactly around a lot TO ask

 

Maksim's teal, he's my red fill until he gets an actual quadrant. Pretty mellow guy, pale for the world despite his awful fishy diamond.

 

Don't worry, they check me out plenty. I'm perfectly benign.

 

Look I know you're probably trying to be a fragging glitch about it but dibs on underneath the medbay berths. I got thrown out of my favorite part of the vents. It was very very rude.

 

i feel like everyone knows a big pale tenderhearted softie
its like a requirement
frankly im just astounded alternia managed to produce any people who could feel that much empathy and not get murdered
tz is definitely not that awesome though she may be

 

[karkat smiles sarcastically] OH, I PROMISE I'M A "GLITCH" ABOUT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. BUT! AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT SLINKING AROUND THROUGH THE VENTILATION SYSTEM, WATCHING PEOPLE GO ABOUT THEIR NIGHTLY LIFE, I DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT! JUST STAY OUT OF MY HAIR AND WE'RE GOOD.

 

I wouldn't call him soft. He's scary with staffkind, he's just also very polite when he cracks people's skulls. And wishes he didn't have to, and wonders what happened to make you this way and if it could have been fixed.

 

There is something about this that is very familiar for reasons I can't quite pin down. Is it the frog breeding? It might be the frog breeding. Knew a guy in Louisiana who bred frogs, invasive species only, he liked to pull them out swamps he visited. Had a thing for bodies. Kind of a weirdo, but made this fantastic gumbo that I've never had anything like since.

I was thinking more along the lines of 'esophageal cancer' but you know what? I like this conceptual human tumor thing you're going with here. Call yourself cancerous some more, it's great!

 

thats pretty squishy compared to "im going to listen to you die and smell you bleed" tho isnt it
like im not trying to say he isnt capable because that would be implying my own token pale trollop isnt either which is a load of shit
just steaming on the doorstep all impudently
also im pretty sure the answer to "what made you this way" starts with cond and ends with escension in all cases

cant say gumbo makings a talent i got unless you want something
real special
the frogs we bred were actually how me and jade made the universe
i mean like all of us made the universe but between you and me it was mostly me n jade who did the detail work of making sure the universe had like
a planet with a breathable atmosphere

 

-points to both, followed by unkind snickering. An emotion! A sound other than hollow monotone voice! It sounds like sandpaper scraping rougher sandpaper-

 

Our troupe actually ha5 it5elf a pacifi5t in it5 mid5t. I cannot imagine that it would be too difficult for you to gue55 which of u5 it i5.

 

Sounds like a hell of a science fair project. Did you at least get an A?

Yeah, thought it might be that, but apparently it's the weird combination of spices he uses. He told me human isn't actually as good as the movies make it out to be, gator was better. Told him that I'd take his word for it, but I started checking my fried foods after that, let me tell you.

 

Lul

 

NO, THAT'S MY JOB, ACTUALLY! DID YOU KNOW, THAT'S APPARENTLY EVEN THE *NAME* OF MY SIGN IN HUMAN CULTURE? CANCER, HAR HAR, WHAT A LEGACY.

KARKAT VANTAS: SENTIENT TUMOR PULSATING ON THE SHAMEGLOBES OF PARADOX SPACE

 

Ugh. Masks.

You know, whoever's writing your story has a pretty sick sense of humor. I like it! Sounds like a great guy. I'm hoping 'shameglobes' translates to 'testicles' because otherwise it's not anywhere near as hilarious when you say it like that.

 

I really don´t give a rust gearstick if you wanna self service or whatever, I´m not into squishies. I just like not being watched every single minute of every fragging day.

 

THE THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LOWBLOOD TERMINOLOGY IS THIS: THE FUNNIEST AND SLASH OR MOST OFFENSIVE INTERPRETATION IS *ALWAYS* THE RIGHT ONE. SHAMEGLOBES IS MORE JUST A GENERAL ANATOMICAL TERM RATHER THAN PEASANT SLANG, BUT I FIGURE THE SAME RULES APPLY WHEN TALKING TO HUMANS.

OH, OF COURSE! FORGIVE ME FOR NOT WANTING SOMEONE CRAWLING AROUND IN SOMETHING THAT WOULD LOGICALLY HAVE ACCESS TO QUITE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. SURELY YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND *WHY* THAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE. NO, NO, LET ME APOLOGIZE, OBVIOUSLY I'M BEING RIDICULOUS.

 

??? wut, does it bother u? Too bad shitstick! HAHAHAHAHA

 

Perfect. I'm going to use that one next time. Probably to Pearce, because he's a fucking dickhead and he doesn't get jokes, so it'll just piss him off. Maybe I'll call him next time I'm bored and just say that.

I'm not the one walking around with 'glaring insecurity issues' strapped to my face.

 

suuuuureeeee.... dude ain't no insecurity, I beat face rec this way also this is my face. so suck my nads perhaps?

The meat lump under it is too ugly to show so its for ur safety bipch.