shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I LIVE TO DISAPPOINT.

[karkat summons a rotten tomato and looks at him as if to say 'go on']

 

"You have no idea," Farrat begins, and then notices that both Silima and her pouchtiger mom are giving him that look.

 

Dhara rolls her eyes, but affectionately. "Remember this, Farrat. I agree with you that this notion that there are things no catte or man or troll is meant to know is completely bullshit. But there are things you do not need to know up close and personally."

 

Farrat sighs. "I wanted the hell off Alternia. I would have done whatever I needed to do to get off Alternia. But I didn't have to do anything, because somebody else already committed the fuckup that made that possible."

He grins. "I don't know who he, she or they are. But if I ever find out I will buy them whatever they want to drink. They probably need a lot of whatever that is."

 

Silima just stares at him.

"n0t as much as i d0 right n0w."

She was going to get them out of the caverns, and off Alternia. Really. She was. She had...sort of a plan.

Didn't Farrat trust her?

 

-somehow not entirely muffled despite her current position-

That was a joke.

 

Dhara looks at her sidewise, thinking.

 

Silima rolls her eyes. She has started thinking of this catte as someone else she has to be responsible for. And she's appalled at herself. Especially since this catte has three little cattes that she is lususing.

(This is such a weird world. aurumIlluminatrix is lususing a pouchtiger.)

"there was this idi0t called antin0mianC0mmuni0n he was talking with bef0re. i didnt like him. y0u are kind 0f ann0ying but at least the interests 0f his that y0u enable are m0re likely t0 expl0de the bl0ck, n0t the entire fucking planet."

 

Farrat rolls his eyes. "I have never understood why you hate Sunshine so much."

 

Silima groans. "he is an assh0le adult and he kept tr0lling y0u and y0u tr0lled him back and y0u kn0w his actual name. that is s0 fucked up. every0ne 0ver the age 0f f0ur kn0ws y0ure n0t supp0sed t0 talk t0 adults 0n the internets. he was pr0bably a fucking slaver. and he g0t y0u int0 that cult."

 

Dhara shrugs. "You're kind of annoying, too, Silima. But I guess we have to put up with each other." She laughs. At least she's not daydreaming about whether you'd actually need a giant robot to beat some sense into Silima's head any more.

 

"as long as y0u understand that if y0u and i b0th g0 up with farrat t0 la cyr, i am n0t g0ing t0 kit-sit."

 

"As if I'd let you."

 

Farrat sighs. They're bickering.

He'll take it. At least they're talking. At least they've accepted that he's not going to be pressured into making choices he does not want to make.

 

-caaaaarefully lowers themself next to a random troll, crouched small so they're not intimidating, and Examines them- There's a lot of you d-bees seem to be the same species. (Unless I'm horribly wrong, in which case I apologize.) Are you coming through a common rift, or does your species some natural ability that makes you more likely to come here?

Not too many big words, please. I'm not a scientist, this is definitely not my field, and my translator is... doing its best, really.

 

Oh My Fucking God You Must Be From The Same Place As Static. D-Bees. No. Were Fucking Trolls, Not Whatever Arbitrary Nonsense Words You Fucks Have Decided To Apply To Us.

 

"So...why do you think it's creepy for Farrat to introduce himself and us to you?" Dhara still wants to know. "He and Silima were so happy they found out there were more trolls on Pennarion. And also that somebody--two somebodies, actually--on Pennarion has a baby pouchtiger. Courinna. I like 'courinna' better cause it's easier to say." She glances at Bianca. "That is the name for this animal yes?"

 

Bianca yips back at her. Pouchtiger is fine. Courinna is fine. Thylacine is fine. She doesn't care.

 

Wow This Is Just Embarrassing Youre How Old? Dont Answer That. Listen Here Mammalian Fucknut, It May Be That In Your Daisies And Dusk Utopia Information Is Just Perfectly Free Of Charge But On Alternia Where We Get A Healthy Sense Of Self Preservation Drilled Into Our Thinkpans By Threat Of Death And Torture, The People Who Hand Out Their Full Names To Virtual Strangers Are Either A) Practically Ground Nut Levels Of Idiotic, B) Expecting Something In Return, C) Highbloods With No Sense Of Decency, D) Young Adults Still Getting Off On Their First Eight Letter Names or E) Otherwise Dangerous As Hell.
Theyre Neither Highbloods Nor Are They Adults Or He Wouldnt Have Used Their Wiggler Names. Now I Will Grant That Jades Are Their Own Brand Of Flutterbeast-Manure Crazy That Is Almost On Par With Highbloods, But Those Two Seem Laughably Sane In Comparison To The Standard Nutjobs ou Get Trawling The Webs Sometimes.
That Leaves Idiocy, Expectations Or Otherwise Dangerous. Not Exactly The Best Outlook And Ive Seen Some Dire Garbagefires In Need Of Immediate Attention From Someone Capable Of The Rare And Elusive Art Of Extracting Craniums From Wastechutes.
As For My Beautiful Precious Son Osmium, It Restores My Faith In All Sapient Species In The Multiverse That People Are Capable Of Appreciating His Objective Perfection And Majesty, But Id Rather People Did That From A Distance. Like, Preferably The Distance Between Pennarion And The Nearest Star.

 

Dhara isn't sure how to respond to this at first. Every time the troll takes a breath and she starts to reply, it's a false alarm and there is actually more ranting to come.

"Well." She takes a deep breath of her own and waits a second, just to be sure that this girl is done ranting. "I'm...nineteen. But not by much. At least I'm legally allowed to be sole guardian for my own kits, now, and move out of my mother's apartment to go away to school without leaving them there! And no. On Pennarion, it isn't dangerous to introduce yourself to people."

Dhara shrugs. She knew Alternia was really fucking dangerous. She knew that Farrat and Silima came from an island off the side of Alternia's smallest and most dangerous continent that was even more dangerous than the continent itself because animals that hadn't made it on the mainland--like pouchtigers--still existed there. (Although honestly, pouchtigers don't seem that dangerous.) But she had never heard that it was dangerous to introduce yourself before. And Farrat and Silima have never had any trouble introducing themselves to everyone else on the block, or at least three floors up and down and in the laundry and the playground. She can't speak to that.

"And I get that you're protective of your baby; I'm a mama, too. But we're not moving off planet, sorry. You must be aurumIlluminatrix. I wouldn't have thought you'd sound so much like your posts in person."