shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Squeak! Hello Sir or Madam, you are very large. Please don´t step on me.

Born as a robot? I don´t think robots can have children can they?

 

BUT WHAT KIND OF LEADER WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T OFFER MYSELF UP, BODY AND SOUL, TO THE PEOPLE?

NO, NO, YOU EAT THEM. 3:)

 

Idek, rats can't talk in my world? we're in some fukked up place so who knoooos

 

I can be bigger if you like! And I guess I like wandering in here, you meet all kinds of people! (*´╰╯`๓)♬ Most of them are very angry but that's okay.

I won't! -promptly shrinks riiiiiight down to Lysander-size-

 

....That´s the fraggin opposite of bigger ye know.

 

Well, not all rats can talk where I come from. It´s the doctors experiments that made me like this.

Squeak! -sniffs the suddenly tiny robot-

 

I didn't wanna step on the tiny organic. But okay. Want full size?
-he's full size. Full size is literal planet size-

 

*big shrug* I jus wanna be a robutt

 

-snorts- Hey, suit yerself. I was just sayin. -catte stretch. Two paws stick out of the vent for a moment- For if yer fragging primus, what´re you doing slagging off around here anyway? Thought you´d be busy spinnin stars so they don´t stop an all that scrap.

 

-alarm squeak!-

Why is that? You look like a perfectly fine human to me?

 

Idek, seems p cool. Id be even more awesome at stuff an' shit. Bein' human sux

 

-he's back down to a reasonable size in the blink of an eye-
Nah, that stuff runs by itself.

 

Well. -cleans whiskers- Would a cup of tea help? -concern rat-

 

Naw, thx tho.

 

i want to transcend my physical form and live purely as a being of light. not as fucking sick as a robot but deeeeefinitely more spiritual

[he's completely deadpan, but his smirk makes it clear he doesn't believe a word of the shit he says]

dude, buddy, pal, his most impressive and awe-inspiring hentaiety
your aura is so whack right now. let's just sit down and od on some chill pills direct from big pharma's pockets to you before you actually lop off your dick
[there is now herbal tea in an octopus-themed tea set that manages to be cute and slightly unsettling at the same time]

 

Well that´s a relief. -You can actually see Ventcats head and forepaws hanging out of the vent now- Imagine if the universe turned ta scrap cause ye took a single fraggin break.

 

[Very important matters of tree-saving, portal-making, and morality settled, Aralia has apparently decided it's time to nap on Ups...]

[...but not before waving sleepily at whoever thinks robots can't replicate.] We got three parents.

 

-a teacup, along with biscuits, has manifested anyway, and Lysander nibbles a biscuit-
I would offer to take you with me but I would have to ask the ladies first. They might be a little apprehansive about a human gentleman.

 

Three? How does that work? I suppose being robots you must reproduce very differently...

 

Ew, that'd suck! It's bad enough I took a break once and ruined society. (｡•́︿•̀｡)