The Adventures of COVFEFE

​

Your name is COVFEF ETRUMP. As we all wish, today is your IMPEACHMENT DAY, which you are pretending is not occurring, because that would mean admitting some fault with what you were doing.
You are standing in your PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE, where you overlook the country that managed to put you there despite the fact that you have no right to be anywhere near positions of power. On your PERSONAL PHONE are many of your interests, including INSULTING THE OPPOSING PARTY, which you do with a passion that scares everyone in your CABINET; you also enjoy CALLING OUT "FAKE NEWS", that is, news which isn't supportive of you; your repeated attempts to shut them down have failed for some reason. You spend most of your time on TWITTER, which you use to BOOST YOUR EGO on a regular basis and to see the stupid things you say mentioned on MORNING NEWS, such as your favorite FOX AND FRIENDS.
You have another name too, but it's become so vile a phrase that you try to use it as little as possible.
Soon, you'll have to go in front of CONGRESS, where they will decide whether you should stay in office or not.
That will come later, though.
What will you do?
=>

 

>Retrieve tiny-fingered arms from chest

 

Please make a Covfefestuck thread, that would be absolutely hilarious

 

You retrieve your arms from the chest, pointedly not looking at the fingers.
THEY'RE NORMAL SIZE DAMNIT

 

His head is the pumpkin.

 

What pumpkin?
You look in the mirror, seeing the disgusting tone of your flesh.
Oh.
THAT pumpkin.

 

>Shriek like a chicken and shit on your desk.

 

As tempting as it is, you're trying your hardest to pretend that you have some ability to act like someone who belongs in power.
Instead, you decide to tweet something ridiculous to distract yourself from the fact that you may be shortly forced out of office. Just like someone in power should do.

 

>Tweet about your remarkable restraint in not dumping on the Resolute Desk

 

(Covfeferi)

 

((I put far too much effort into making this.))

 

>Attack advisors

 

You weigh the options and decide that this is probably a good idea. I mean, you could shoot a guy in the middle of 5th Avenue and you wouldn't lose voters.
You find Sean Spicer and try to snap his neck. However, your tiny hands can't reach around his throat, so you just stab him. The floor is red carpet anyway, so it doesn't matter.
You throw his body into the bushes where he seemed to like to hide, and send out another tweet:

 

Dream Sean Spicer: wake up

 

Sean Spicer's dreams died as soon as he realized who he had to defend.

 

>attempt to retrieve double scoop of ice cream to celebrate your victory over advisers

 

Gladly.
You retrieve your ceremonial ICE CREAM SCOOPER. You put a tiny dollop of it on Spicer's eye to assert dominance.

 

>tell your good friends about your glorious victory

 

"Friends." You try the word out in your mouth. It hasn't been used in a while.
You go up to one of your advisors and ask them to celebrate with you, but they run away screaming when they realize that you literally just murdered Sean Spicer.

 

I may ask for this to be moved to a different thread at some point. (Edit: It was moved.)
Also, CNN seems to be using cov-fee-fee as the pronounciation, and Merriam-Webster wouldn't even go near it.