The Adventures of COVFEFE

> try to get SOMEONE to celebrate your achievement with you, dammit

 

You realize that you still have one possibility that you haven't alienated or murdered. One that, while always critical, is also always supportive. A paradox, but you don't have any alternatives.

 

> tweet selfie with Spicer

 

(Cov-fee-fee was my pronunciation for it when I first read it.)

 

For some reason, your camera doesn't seem to be working right now. It's possible that it might be the fact that you 1) got it covered in blood, or 2) got ice cream all over it.
(I don't have access to Photoshop right now, sorry.)

 

(that's fine, i wasnt expecting a shopped image of dampnut and uh, dead sean spicer anyway)

> eat paperwork

 

Seeing as you've given up all hope of actually remaining in office after that, you decide to eat all of the evidence that Sean Spicer ever even worked there.
You shove the papers into your mouth.
munch munch munch
"There's gotta be a better way to get rid of these!" you exclaim, purposefully ignoring the shredder directly next to your desk.

 

>Attend impeachment hearing

 

The hearing begins with you standing before the SENATE. You said CONGRESS earlier, but as the president, who needs you to know this kind of thing anyway? (The country? Oh, yeah, them.)
They accuse you of colluding with RUSSIA during your campaign and committing treason during your presidency. You try to reply, but that's not how it works. You are fined for perjury, and the Senate continues.
The trial goes on for a while, and you fall asleep. After all, you know you have FINITE ENERGY and cannot waste it at a silly thing like impeachment hearings.

 

> wake up and proceed to yell about how This Is A CONSPRIACY AGAINST YOU!!!!!!!1!!!1

 

>Dream Covfef: Wake up

 

fox and friends: cover story

 

You're not sure what to do, so you do them in sequential order, and will probably continue to do that if it makes sense to.
You snap out of your sleep to see your lawyer saying something. You shout that it was a liberal conspiracy and if they kick you out they'll turn the whole country into a "safe space."
You are fined again for perjury.
You fall back asleep.
=> Dream Covfef: Wake up
You wake up in a tower somewhere. You recognize this place. It's Trump Tower. There used to be a smaller, purple tower here, but the owner was nowhere to be found, so you just...destroyed it and built this instead.

 

>Dream Covfef: acquire taco bowl from cafeteria

 

FOX AND FRIENDS, a personal favorite of yours, seems to be covering the story.
You look from your LUXURIOUS ELEGANT SLEEPER (or, as MELANI ATRUMP calls it, your BED) towards the 450-INCH TELEVISION mounted on the wall. These dimensions aren't realistic, but it doesn't matter. You have the money to do it.
You see yourself sitting next to your lawyer while he talks about how you were committing treason but you're very sorry and won't do it again. The judge seems unimpressed.

Cafeteria? That's peasant's stuff. You go to your PERSONAL KITCHEN and ask some of the workers there to make you food. They don't respond, but look at you with undisguised disgust. Sure, you made a lot of jobs here for the Derse people living around, but you also destroyed, like, half their houses to build this.

 

> kill one of the workers to show how SERIOUS you are about getting that taco bowl

 

> Throw money at problems to make them go away

 

One of the workers is giving you a serious look of disapproval. You kill him. The other Derse workers stare at you in shock and decide that this really isn't the time to argue. They get to work on preparing what you hope is the best god-damn taco bowl in the universe.

Without breaking eye contact with them, you hand money to two of the workers that were grieving over the body, ordering them to carry it away and never speak of this again.

 

>Demand taco bowl be gold-plated

 

The workers have already prepared it in a regular taco bowl. That just won't do! The Dersean workers seem reluctant to redo it. You remind them what happened to their friend. They suddenly seem a lot less reluctant.
You sneak a bite of the first taco bowl while they work. Mmm. They make a mean taco bowl here. You can't wait to eat the next one.