[nsfw] Iyaan, Karkat-kun: Let's Homestuck some Hentai

Anyone with the Class Prez trait can get a teacher fired if they see them having sex with a student, so yes.

I was thinking of making Jack the teacher, actually, but Condy would be hilarious too.

 

Condy would be the best/worst teacher, and also hilarious, haha.

 

There's gonna be a long train of all the adults getting fired.

 

Of course. We could go one further.
And make Lord English the teacher.

 

Not until tiny English gets kicked out/arrested/killed.

 

ATTENTION, IDIOTS. SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING YOUR LUNCH PERIODS EATING OUT EACH OTHER RATHER THAN ANYTHING OF NUTRITIONAL VALUE. COME TO THE COURTYARD AND HAVE A SNACK WITH ME BEFORE I SHOVE GRUBLOAF DOWN YOUR OOZING WINDCHUTES MYSELF.



HOLY FUCK, HAVE YOU LASCIVIOUS GRUBFISTERS NOT HEARD OF "PERSONAL SPACE?"



I GUESS NOW THAT GAMZEE'S GONE, SOMEONE HAS TO FILL THE PURPLE-BLOODED PSYCHOTIC SWILL-SWIGGING VOID HE LEFT BEHIND.



Time for an actual Karkat quote:

"I AM BEING PLEASANT AND AGREEABLE, AND I WILL GENTLY LOWER A MAGNIFICENT, CORUSCATING COLUMN OF HOT FUCK YOU DOWN THE PROTEIN CHUTE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE."



RELAXATION IS A FAIRY TALE FOR DUMB IDIOTS WHO GROPE THEIR OWN SEEDFLAPS WHILE DROOLING.



I'M TRYING, NEPETA, I REALLY AM, BUT THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP DOES FUCK ALL WHEN EVERYONE'S TOO BUSY FUCKING ON EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE.



Nepeta was so cute, even Karkat couldn't help but crack a tiny smile that he later insisted was nothing but a twitch signalling an oncoming nervous breakdown.

Let's check up on more relationships since Tavros is being difficult.



ERIDAN, WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY. YOU'VE BEEN DATING FOR A SINGLE DAY.



IS MY FACE SCREAMING, TAVROS? IT SHOULD BE. BECAUSE I AM *BREAKING UP WITH YOU*, REMEMBER?



WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR THINKPAN AS A WRIGGLER, OR ARE YOU JUST PLAYING DUMB IN THE HOPES I'LL FORGET WHAT A BACKSTABBING NOOKWHIFF YOU ARE?



WHAT, YOUR SHIPPY FANART? IT'S FINE, CALLIOPE. YOUR ART'S NOT BAD, ACTUALLY. ANYWAY, I NEED SOMEONE WITH A FULLY FUNCTIONING LOBESTEM TO TALK TO FOR A MOMENT.



YEAH, AFTER BEING LOCKED IN A ROOM WITH YOUR DOUCHEY BROTHER, I BET IT WOULD BE.



CONSIDERING I SAW YOU AND YOUR BROTHER POUR SPRINKLES OVER RAW STEAK AND THEN EAT SAID STEAK WHOLE, I THINK YOU'LL BE FINE.



HERE'S A HANDY TIP: DON'T HOOK UP WITH HORNY SHITMONKEYS WHO CARE MORE ABOUT THEIR SAD EXCUSE OF A SOCIAL STANDING THAN YOUR FEELINGS.

 

SCREECHFETUS! This is my new favorite word.

 

It came from Luka originally, and MAN is it a good one.

 

... now I feel bad, because anyone Karkat gets with is going to be unfaithful. Are there any other monogamists in this crazy school? Is there any way to actually get Tavros to quit sleeping around? Logically he ought to be motivated if he likes Karkat that much, but the game might not be capable of that level of logic and respect in its relationships.

 

I want Karkat to date both the Cherubs.

 

I believe the only other character with the single-minded trait is Kanaya

 

And she's mad at him and gay. Poor everyone.

 

BUT NOT GREAT ENOUGH TO NOT CHEAT ON ME, APPARENTLY. IT'S TOO LATE TO TRY AND ROMANCE ME NOW, TAVROS. IT'S TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE.



YOU'RE MAKING THIS HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE, FOR BOTH OF US. FUCK OFF.



HE'S NOT BAD, FOR A CREEPY SEXUAL DEVIANT WITH OVERACTIVE SWEAT GLANDS. I BET *HE* KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A MATESPRIT.



YOU TWO JUST AREN'T GONNA STOP UNTIL YOU FUCK A SOGGY HOLE THROUGH PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, ARE YOU.

DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND DISMANTLE THAT ROBODONG MYSELF.



I'M FULL OF A LOT OF THINGS, DIRK, THE PRIMARY THING BEING DISGUST AT WATCHING YOUR QUIVERING HUMAN RUMP THRUST ERRATICALLY ALL OVER THESE HALLS.



I AM CALM, JADE. I'M SO FUCKING CALM I COULD SHIT OUT SHRIEKING GOBLIN OF FECES ON THE WOOD RIGHT HERE AND RAISE IT AS MY OWN. I'D CALL IT "DIRK" AND IT WOULD SOMEHOW STILL BE LESS FULL OF SHIT THAN HIS NAMESAKE.



NOW I'M OFF TO SKIP MERRILY UP TO THE ROOF AND FLING MYSELF OFF SO I CAN FINALLY BE FREE FROM THIS SLUDGEPOOL OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES AND MURDER. BUT I'LL BE SURE TO DO IT CALMLY, JADE, JUST FOR YOU.



DON'T GO AROUND STICKING YOUR DICK INTO YOUR STUDENTS AND MAYBE I'LL LISTEN TO YOU.



I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S COME TO THIS, JOHN, BUT YOU'RE MY ONLY REAL FRIEND RIGHT NOW. LET'S GO GRAB SOME GRUB.



IT'S

NOT BAD HANGING OUT WITH YOU, JOHN. COMPARATIVELY. YOU STILL HAVE SHIT TASTE IN MOVIES, BUT AT LEAST YOU HAVE HOBBIES.

LET'S GO TO THE ARCADE.



And then John spent all the money he had on the claw machine, trying to get a crab keychain for Karkat.



SOMEONE HAS TO LEAD THIS MOB OF BUCKET HUMPING CLOWNS AND IT SURE AS HELL DOESN'T SEEM TO BE YOU, NOW DOES IT? STOP TRYING TO KISS MY ASS, I'LL STILL GET YOU FIRED IF YOU FUCK DAVE.



AND NOW LOOK, I GOT SO PREOCCUPIED YELLING AT YOU THAT TAVROS RAN HOME WITH ERIDAN BEFORE I COULD TRY TO BREAK UP WITH HIM AGAIN. THANKS, SENSEI.

And then Karkat went home, alone, and spent the night listening to Troll Journey on full blast while eating a whole tub of ice cream.

 

While Karkat and Kanaya are the only singleminded/faithful characters, a student might not cheat if they're unsociable/shy enough that they won't act on their lusts for other people.

It's why I was kind of hoping to hook Karkat and Equius up, but then I fucked that up REAL good. Whoops.

 

SO that's the end of Screaming Day, hope you all enjoyed. Couldn't convince Tavros to break up with Karkat but oh well.

Also, just as a reminder, I will not be updating tomorrow. No updates Tuesday, Friday or Sunday.

ALSO thanks for enjoying the thread, guys! It's pretty awesome to have you along on this sweaty, sticky ride with me.

 

*does not normally ship Karkat and Nepeta*

*is kind of starting to ship Karkat and Nepeta*

 

Then Solkat is the only option available for us. Or maybe Callikat, if she's shy? I would say Tavros, but apparently he's not too shy to gum his genitalia up against whatever'll have him, so. :/

And I want to badly for Huss to get caught and fired. This cast must rotate at maximum velocity.

 

*bangs fists on table* Con-DY, Con-DY, Con-DY!