shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

This is the thirteenth day of the boy who lived 13 years, but this is your name?

What kind of man is this?

 

"Actually, no."

 

I'm personally very fond of chronological, here's mine
[A giant ass stone tablet with chiselled neocybex letters falls from the sky. it does not actually contain scanner's history should one look but the script of the bee movie.]

You medics are all the same, listen, no one but the boss gets to talk about my feefees, touch my brainmetals or otherwise compromise my ability to be a recalcitrant, incorrigible jackass. Its that easy! Now get lost!

 

Right Im Not Getting Into That With You, Bye.

 

Valiska gives Chroma a sidewise look. "Are you mad at me, Chroma? I wasn't planning on starting a thing, just pointing out that it's not everyone's dream."

 

Yeah. Uh. Good point. But Ford has been telling me to be cautious with my magic since it has... consequences. Like for the world in general.

Like "No, Norm, you can't stop the storm from happening. There are air currents and blah blah blah, more shit I don't get..." but okay. Not stopping the storm. 'Cause you're probably right.

 

much as id be hard pressed to label anything in here heroic or just i cant find any way that death by knife wouldnt be painful slow or traumatic to the innocent bystanders
so im gonna have to pass
[with the cadence of "swiper no swiping:] stalker no stabbing

it's my dream tho

 

Right Im Gonna Believe That. I Made A Joke By Humorous Overstatement. That You Find Tasteless. And Im Supposed To Buy You Wont Start With This Philosophers Stone Shit Again Given The Slightest Opening.

 

-plays an old modem sound backwards, and every handshake it speeds up 5x- There ya go!

 

"Actually what he said was that you couldn't disappear the storm, entirely, because our ecosystem needed the water and air to continue existing. Stopping it some other way wouldn't have been out of the question, but you said 'disappear' and, well, Ford's played too much D, D and More D not to be aware how literally wishes tend to work." Valiska smiles at Norm. It's been a while since she's been in the Rave. Is she a little taller? A little rounder? Or both?

"It's not shit, but I don't want to argue with you about it, because I know you're not interested in it. I don't want to force anyone to live forever. No matter how much I would miss them, whether or not they believe that I will." Valiska sighs. "That's all I have to say to you about it. I don't think I've ever even started this conversation with you, you just keep showing up when I am having it with someone else."

 

[Stalker] Eh, you're wearing plenty of red anyway, should be fine.

...

-realizes he's receiving The Glare from Micah- Nobody ever lets me have any fun. "Stalker we didn't need the guy's head" when in fact we did, I told you there'd be more security. "Stalker don't impersonate a dead-head while we're in the 'burbs" but it worked. "Stalker having a rivalry with a Coalition 'stalker isn't going to end well" but we got info out of the bitch, didn't we? "Stalker don't eat the necromancer" the fuck else am I supposed to eat in Tolkeen?

 

Oh. Disappear. Right. Either way, he said I couldn't do it and I have a feeling you guys would say the same if I decided I wanted to inflict some spite blackouts on our enemies.

 

LAME

 

Ford and Valiska and Tainell and Sunshine have put a lot of work into Pennarion, and I reeeeally don't think they want me fucking it up, that's all....

 

Valiska cocks her head to one side. "I don't think so? As long as you just black out their power, and not the whole town. I mean, I wouldn't like to see what happens to the Proles in Corpora Nouris if there's no power in her entire territory, but it might be entirely humorous to see what would happen if she lost all power to her headquarters... And he did not say you couldn't do it; he very politely asked you not to, because he's very aware he can't actually stop you from doing things."

 

-bounces in- Mi!

 

"I absolutely don't want you fucking it up. If you can fuck up our enemies without fucking up the Imperial infrastructure or the planetary biosphere, though, that's absolutely not off the table." Ford grins.

 

-twirls a pair of Joker colored glowsticks- HOSTILE INFRASTRUCTURE WAS MADE FOR BURNING. Unce unce unce.

 

Yeah, but well... I don't think anyone of you'd have kept liking me if I went and did it despite him giving me a very sensible, polite reason not to. Like, wow, Norm, you just destroyed the entire Pennarian ecosystem. After we told you that was exactly what would happen if you did the thing. Good job. Not.

Well... I should be able to. Theoretically, at least.

*eyeroll* Have you even been to Pennarion?

 

"Yes, and while they do have agents on Pennarion, most of our actual enemies aren't on our planet. We'd prefer to minimise casualties among noncombatants, especially the oppressed parties, but...I really won't cry if Nouris Cullain dies in a fire, as long as that fire doesn't kill her indentured servants..."