shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"That's not actually one of the rights the ceremony gave me," Valiska says a bit more cheerfully, and kisses Ford's cheek because he's starting to sound a bit morose.

 

*awkward silence*

... oh.

... well, I guess that's good. That it's not that extreme.

 

y u be sad and paranoid and dead when WEEEEEED exists!!!

420 blaze your troubles away

 

That's great for you, I would think that'd mean you understand where I'm coming from?
[One of his optic ridges twitches upwards]

I have a fancy fragging room that blocks out the signal so I can at least recharge in peace once I boobytrap the slag out of the door. Next best thing unless I let someone get their filthy digits on my brainmetal and yyyyyeah no.

Your useless words of regret are acknowledged also I just wanna say no take backsies, because I'm pretty sure I'll somehow manage to ruin any goodwill within the next cycle, just watch.

I'm straight edge and also weed does frag all for robots how dare you

 

THE SECRET TO GETTING PEOPLE TO TRUST YOU IS THIS: COMPLETELY FAIL AT BEING A THREAT IN *ANY* CAPACITY, DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS. TURNS OUT BEING AT THE MERCY OF LITERALLY ANYONE WITH AN OUNCE OF COMPETENCE IS AS ENDEARING AS IT IS TERRIFYING

 

This can only mean you are hiding something. What are you hiding. what is your plot. When will the secret world ending macguffins be pulled out.

 

420 fever

 

I'M SURE THEY'LL BE PULLED OUT OF MY ENTRAILS WHEN I INEVITABLY KILL MYSELF IN A HILARIOUS AND PREVENTABLE SERIES OF TANTRUM ANTICS. MAYBE I'LL SLIP ON A BANANA PEEL WHILE FURIOUSLY PACING THE MEALBLOCK

ONE CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES

 

shhh no morbid bullshit
only ganja now

 

ew i didn't know squishy entrails were that lethal

ew i didn't know squishy friendship and/or romance was so lethal

 

YES, THEY OOZE A POTENT TOXIN UPON DEATH IN ORDER TO PREVENT SCAVENGERS FROM SNAGGING A FREE MEAL. THIS MAKES COMPLETE AND TOTAL SENSE.

TRULY IT IS VILE

 

i mean organics are kind of weird and gross in an extremely hardcore way so if it weren't for the last half of that sentence I'd have totally bought that

 

the cat chick literally kissed glasses dude but me joking about weed is what pushed it over the line of lethality
i see how it is

 

CONGRATULATIONS, I GUESS? I PROMISE THERE'S AN ENDLESS TREASURE TROVE OF *ACTUAL* BIOLOGICAL PROCESSES TO DAZZLE AND DISGUST YOU IN EQUAL MEASURE.

 

My brain works in arcane and mysterious ways not understood by mere mortals.

No offense but I think I'd rather have that lecture from Doc Iridium, can't cheat on my bio teacher y'know.
[Is he or is he not joking. The world may never know.]

 

as hilarious as im sure youre trying to be
im not actually mortal and i dont actually appreciate being told my friendships slash relationships are disgusting when everyone else gets a pass i guess
so like
can you knock it the fuck off because id like not to have to be a goddamn puritan the whole time im here especially if youre not going to explain why im gross but theyre fine
tia

 

I DIDN'T SAY I WAS INTERESTED IN TEACHING YOU. EDUCATION IS AN EXERCISE IN REPEATEDLY STABBING YOURSELF IN THE PAN UNTIL SOMEONE LISTENS TO YOU, AND I'M NOT A MASOCHIST.

 

(Psst here's a secret I actually just didn't notice the obnoxious catwoman because I try to ignore her and glasses dude unless they speak directly to me. it's a magic trick i call "choosing to preserve my flimsy sanity as much as I can", it's great you should try it)

 

Could've fooled me.
alternatively: I totally did not want to know any of that but now I can't unhear it why is this my life.

 

"That is exactly why I said it," Ford says. "Simply saying 'I know how you feel' is not convincing, because most of the time it's bullshit."

Ford smiles a little ruefully. "I'd say that if you don't ruin yours, I will probably ruin mine. But I'd like to think we've both figured out a few things since the day we first met and poked at each other and I was the one who lost my shit first. One of us has to be a bit optimistic, and usually that falls on me."