shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Valiska snorts and giggles. "We are married, you know. Also, I grow all sorts of things in my gardens, though I only show off the roses."

 

Breaking news, Scanner doesn't know how to people part 567, the brand new holovid, now in theaters.

 

...yeah, but i'm not really talking about trust when it comes to people we don't know...i'm talking about how someone's powers are less scary if you know what kind of person they are, and you don't really know what kind of person someone is if you don't know them well enough

...that's a pretty different way of thinking from me...i'm not sure i can convey what i'm trying to say to you

*soft grumbling*

 

whatever man just
whatever
it would preserve my flimsy sanity if you could not call me being pg disgusting

i dont care who you do and dont kiss
cause that shit was about as chaste as a fuckin nunnery
you just became an unfortunate example in my case of the butthurts
sorry
and that sounds great but im pretty much the weeniest weenie in the west
i talk a big game but alas

 

IT'S AN INEVITABLE TRAGEDY OF BEING IN MY PRESENCE FOR MORE THAN FIVE SECONDS

I CONSTANTLY FIND MYSELF WISHING I HAD NOT SPEWED NONSENSE LIKE A DOUCHE GEYSER, AND YET!

 

Don't try you'll pull a muscle or whatever it is you squishies have.

[He bristles]
Oh are we going to tell the tool how he gets to feel about things? Is it that time of day again? Gee I'm so excited it's my favorite when people tell me my emotional expressions are wrong and I should shut up!
Y'know what frag all of this I can't even muster up the energy to be a little glitch about this, Boo Hoo Scanner isn't capable of turning the barbed wire off even when he tries to make a joke, bla bla I'm wrong about everything, I'll never learn better, I'm a disappointment to the Autobots. Here I speedran the next three hours I can go now right?
[He sounds both tired and oddly sincere, without even a hint or sarcasm]

 

You and me both. I'd make a joke about us being twinsies but then I'd have to end myself in an elaborate manner.

 

your emotional expressions arent wrong but that doesnt mean you get an all access pass to shit on other people
you get to say that shit all you want
and i get to tell you youre being an asshole and i dont fucking appreciate it
youre not the only one with baggage and its hard enough for me to express any emotions at all without someone reminding me how i should be ashamed for caring about people
maybe its because im made of meat and disgust everyone whos made of metal
maybe its because im not the masculine ideal and dared to express affection towards a dude
whatever it is im doing it wrong and it was stupid of me to think that people wouldnt point that out eventually
its a weakness and if i wasnt such a fuckup i wouldnt have those
i shouldnt care what you say about me at all but everyone already knows dave strider is a little bitch who cant put on his big boy pants so why not put the cherry on top and have a public fucking tantrum
maybe ill cry about it too and then we can all have a good laugh over how embarrassing i am

 

........
Okay so no speedruns accepted. Cool. cool.
Look y'ain't actually any more disgusting than anything I have to see disgusts me, in fact you've got a bit of a leg up due to me never having to witness your embarrassing sexting attempts first hand so like... frag I dunno.
... If you want anyone who can actually tell what to do with an emotion other than pure unadulterated loathing and fury if it bit them in the aftmaybe idk. Ask someone else? Frag I dunno even who to offer up here feels kinda like throwing someone under the astrotrain any which way.
[... Yeah he's just going to helplessly look around for a way, any way out of this situation.]

 

[Oh sweet jesus what horrible morass of feelings has he woken up in (fallen asleep into?) Why can't he have normal dreams. Why hapen.]

Uh. So I'm back here again. Hi.

 

"Dave, whoever told you that you should be ashamed of caring about people was an asshole," Ford says very quietly. "There's a lot of garbage floating around about what men are supposed to be like, or what women are supposed to be like, and every single bit of it is immoral, unscientific, culturally-specific stupidity and cruelty that needs to be destroyed with extreme prejudice."

 

...sure.

"If we lose focus on our endgoal, the Cause will fail. If the Cause fails, all the deaths leading up to this point will have been in vain; if we lose the War the 'Bots'll probably kill the rest of us for good measure. So we remove those who distract the forces from our Cause." Or so the logic went.

...I mean, they weren't far off on that last bit, from what I've heard out of New Iacon. The rest....

....well. There's exactly five reasons why I haven't quit yet, and they're all spelled "My Bosses Will Murder Me For Treason Too".

[Shrug.] Maybe. Kid's kinda made of bad decisions, though.

No off switch inbuilt, unfortunately. Might be able to add one, if we could ever find a mnemosurgeon specialized in coding rather than memory editing who isn't fried out of his own casing yet and we could manage to trust someone like that.

I hear electronic communication-- it goes through my audio input. Stuff that's not words-- encryption, pings, actual machinery doing its thing, that kinda stuff-- renders as varying levels of screaming nonsense. Thanks, though.

[Wires has just sort of blinked concernedly at the byplay between Dave and Scanner, unsure whether he should get in the middle of that, but nope back up hell no.] Fwiw I am also living proof that not every single Cybertronian thinks humans are gross. You're a pretty cool dude. I dunno about the rest of all that, sounds like a similar flavor of societal slag we got fed but different enough I ain't gonna try and pick apples apart just 'cos I know pears-- pff, my turn to ramble, sorry. Just. Maybe listen to Doc Pines there. Scanner might have a hold on one of the many many rays of my flaring spark but his default setting is kinda set to "douche" 99.99997% of the time.

Hey, dude. Sup?

 

[He squints up.]

You know, I'm beginning to think that I should be sleeping more. Are you a Transformer, or one of those anime mech things?

 

Transformer! [Wiretap sits down, so he's only about seven feet tall instead of fifteen.] Name's Wiretap. And technically you are asleep, probably. Or is that a "should come here more often" type'a thing?

 

eugh god no i think getting my conniption on you was more than enough im not gonna force it on someone else
uhh
sorry
about that fucking load of bullshit i just shoved on you it wasnt anything you did
lets just tamp it down and pretend it never happened

i mean
i know that logically but seven years of unpacking doesnt exactly outweigh thirteen years of learned nonsense
sorry for forcing you to bear witness to that i cant guarantee it wont happen again but next time ill try and wrangle it a little better
uh
thanks for being cool about it

hell yeah im cool
in uh seriousness thanks for not thinking im gross i do like it when people arent holding back vomit in my presence
theres only so much puke a guy can mop up before he starts to take it personal yo
and im not like mad forever at scanner just because he accidentally poked one of my few tender spots
to make that clear
kind of same hat there actually cause karkat is great but trying to say hes not a douche would make pinocchios snoot grow all the way to the moon
save on rocket fuel at least just walking on his nose

 

Huh. Thought so, but you can never be sure. There's a lot of new ones these days.

[He rubs the back of his neck, then attempts a smile.] I think that's a 'should come here more often' sort of thing. Still not as bad as my usual dreams. But the sleep deprivation might just be making my dreams weirder, too.

 

Just makin' sure we're all chill here, dude, no worries.

I haven't studied to practice on humans so I'm not even gonna try to speculate what sleepdep does to you :P Usually alright here though, yeah, bar the occasional stepping on each others' issues. Case in point-- [he waves over at Dave, Scanner, and Ford.]

 

-falls in-
Miii... Oh, hello new people!

 

Yeah, but nobody's dead yet. That's a pretty big plus.

How many of you usually show up here? I'm guessing it gets more crowded than this.

[He lifts his fingers in a tiny wave. Presumably, he's one of the new people.]

 

How many'a who, people? 'Formers? My squad in specific? On that last one there ain't normally more'n two of us in at once, we don't usually recharge all at the same time.