shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

AT THAT POINT YOUR ONLY HOPE IS A SWIFTLY ADMINISTERED MERCY-CULLING, ALTERNIAN STYLE. MAYBE A FEW STRAINS OF BACTERIA IN YOUR PELVIC PETRI DISH AGO, THERE WAS HOPE. BUT NOW ALL THAT REMAINS IS A SUSPICIOUS OOZE AND THE SWEET EMBRACE OF OBLIVION.

YOU DON'T...NEED TO APOLOGIZE?

 

[Ruko's back, and with her own pot of coffee. Because why bother with a cup when you're going to drink it all anyways.]

"Last time I do that set in that order."

[Slurp. Straight from the pot.]

 

pfffffh4h4h4, you got 4 w4y w1th wordz, k1d!!!!!!! r34lly f33l1ng th3 4p4th3t1c g3n1t4l m1s3ry of som3 poor suck3r w1th st4g3 s1x nookworms.

up top!!!!!!!!!!!!! >8D

 

I'VE GOT A GENERAL SENSE OF FOREBODING WITH REGARDS TO THIS, BUT THAT GOES FOR EVERY DECISION I MAKE, SO LET'S CHARGE AHEAD

[he holds up his hand]

 

*Resounding SMACK.*

 

... oh. Okay.

 

FUCK!
[hissing a little in pain, he shakes his hand and glares at it like it betrayed him]

OW, FUCK, OKAY--I WAS ENTIRELY FUCKING WITH YOU. IF ANYTHING I SHOULD APOLOGIZE, BUT I'M CURRENTLY USING THE PANMATTER NORMALLY DESIGNATED FOR GUILT TO DETERMINE HOW MANY BONES JUST GOT SHATTERED. SO.

 

sh1t, too h4rd?? >8?

 

... oh. Heh. Your boyfriend said as much but then she came in and said it was totally real and you said you were offended... and well, I figured that it might just be a thing humans and genies don't get told, regardless of how close they are to the trolls they're with, since only your boyfriend said otherwise and he's not a troll. And you guys outnumbered him. *sighs* And maybe Sunshine doesn't feel close enough to me yet to tell me that kinda stuff... stuff that's reallly secret and intimate and has cults around it, you know... stuff like what you guys said bepis was before...

 

i w4s just y4nk1ng your ch41n, bro! d1dnt m34n to n3g your v1b3z. my b4d!!!!! >8T

 

It's alright. I really should've caught on. Now that I know what was going on, it sounds like a pretty obvious trick. It's embarrassing that I fell for it.

 

IT'S FINE, I'M JUST MADE OF GLASS. GIVE ME A MINUTE TO RECOVER

[he's kind of a stocky brick shithouse, but]

I DON'T KNOW WHO SUNSHINE IS, BUT ARE THERE THINGS YOU HAVEN'T TOLD THEM? EVERYONE HAS THINGS THEY PREFER TO KEEP SECRET, AND I DON'T THINK THERE HAS TO BE A SPECIES-WIDE VOW TO SECRECY FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. DOESN'T MEAN THEY LIKE YOU LESS OR THAT YOU'RE LESS WORTHY.

LIKE, WHEN YOU WERE THINKING MAYBE I DIDN'T TELL DAVE SOME OF THIS SHIT, IT WASN'T "OH, DAVE HASN'T EARNED IT" IT WAS "THEY MUST KEEP THIS REALLY UNDER WRAPS" RIGHT? SAME GOES FOR THIS SITUATION. MAYBE THEY DO HAVE THINGS THEY DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU YET OR EVER, BUT IT MIGHT BE 'CAUSE IT'S EMBARRASSING OR HARD TO TALK ABOUT.

UNLESS THEY'RE A JADEBLOOD. THEN THERE ARE ALMOST DEFINITELY JADEBLOOD SECRETS. STILL DOESN'T REFLECT ON YOU, THOUGH.

 

Heh. True. There's stuff I haven't told him and some of it is 'cause I haven't had the time or chance to, but... some of it is 'cause I don't wanna tell anyone it ever. And some of it is just embarrassing or hard, yeah. So you're right.

Yeah. I did figure that was why, when it came to Dave.

*smiles softly* And thanks for the reassurance.

 

I'M ALWAYS RIGHT. YOU'RE WELCOME

 

have a rough night then

 

Sunshine strides in. "Norm, there 1s a lot of stuff 1 haven't told you s1mply because 1t hasn't even crossed my m1nd. Do you know how long 1t's been s1nce 1 left the Altern1an Emp1re? H1nt: 1 was runn1ng around on Mewn1 w1th Ford when Val1ska and Star's mom were both st1ll 1n h1gh school!" He rolls his eyes affectionately. "1 p1ty the fuck out of you and 1f 1 don't tell you someth1ng about troll soc1ety, 1t's not because 1 don't trust you, 1t's probably because 1t has been more than eleven sweeps s1nce 1 last had to th1nk about that."

He sighs. "That sa1d, 1 never heard of bep1s, these k1ds are sh1tt1ng you."

He glances at Karkat. This is the Signless? Really?

"1 am Sunsh1ne Daydream. Norm 1s my matespr1t."

 

I'm not even gonna touch talking about adolescence to a pair of constructed-- protip, even the so-called 'natural' population develops sexual characteristics over hours if not minutes, unless a blacksmith needs to get involved forging only takes a day or two from extraction to full physical maturity-- but... well, I wouldn't say no to the guy finally getting his decade or two of leniency. [Shrugs.] He might, 'cause what even goes on in his brain is a mystery for the ages, but.

[Wires summons a box (well, cube) of popcorn to watch the bepis trolling go down. Far be it from him to interrupt what may as well be the second Decepticon national sport.]

 

HI, I'M KARKAT VANTAS. SORRY FOR FUCKING WITH YOUR MATESPRIT???

 

"Just that I had to switch from my second voice back up to my first with barely any time inbetween."

"Last time they had me do that, I strained myself and told them to fuck off with it, so I think I got lucky this time, but."

[Slurp.]

"What was going on here?"

 

youre gonna have to explain the second voice thing for me cause i have a suspicion youre not talking about the monks who do throat singing and all that

but as for the latest events the headlines would probably be something like
dave and scanner push each others buttons until mutual meltdown status is achieved
and
karkat and latula troll norm using bepis as a weapon and its kind of magical to behold