shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[He gets a little zap to the cheek for that but more like someone rubbed woolsocks over a balloon and then touched you, than anything impressive. The screaming is still going.]

 

*He's just going to stand there with his arms crossed. Kankri's expression rarely if ever changes, but it looks distinctly Sick Of This Shit.*

 

[The screaming gets a bit louder, her voice already getting more hoarse. A few more little shock-pinpricks hit his face.]

 

Are y9u alm9st d9ne.

 

Spoiler: gif

 

NO, SORRY, THAT'S JUST MY GANDERBULBS.

I'M *TRYING* NOT TO BE THE BIGGEST, SMELLIEST ASSHOLE HERE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. BUT OKAY FINE! GET FUCKED. YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS, YOU CONFUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME
WHEN YOU MANAGE NOT TO ENRAGE ME, BUT LUCKILY YOU PISS ME OFF NEARLY EVERY TIME
YOU GRACE ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE. I STILL THINK YOU HAVE *SOME* SMALL SPARK OF SOMETHING WORTH LISTENING TO. WAAAAAY WAY DOWN THERE. OR MAYBE I JUST HATE MYSELF AND THIS IS HOW I PUNISH MYSELF FOR EXISTING. LET'S LISTEN TO THE SENTIENT BALL OF FRIZZ SPOUT OFF ABOUT MURDER UNTIL I WANT TO LOBOTOMIZE MYSELF WITH A HOT NEEDLE!

 

This is really unpr9ductive f9r 69th 9f us, y9u kn9w. I've seen w9rse and y9u're g9ing t9 pass 9ut.

 

[She pauses her screaming to stick her tongue out at him like the mature 7 sweep old she is.]
I Dont Have Much Time Left I Kinda Played With The Idea of A Vow Of Pacifism Once I Get Threw Second Pupation And All That Shit. Take The Cult Stuff Seriously And All. Finface Is A Summonist So Her Whole Thing Is "Like Sufferism But With More Violent Uprising" But If I Was Serious At All About This Id Swear Off Violence.
[She looks smug.]

 

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, I GUESS? MY VOW OF PACIFISM WAS NOT CHOSEN, BUT INFLICTED UPON ME LIKE A CURSE BECAUSE OF MY SUPREME LACK OF ANY SKILLS WHATSOEVER

 

Thats Not A Vow Of Pacifism That Just Means You Need To Fucking Lift More.

 

S9 if that isn't a v9w 9f pacifism, why is the 9ne 6ased 9ff 9f me a v9w?

 

Because I Am Actually Giving Up Something Im Good At And Thats Pretty Much My Baseline Mood And Impulsive Solution To Everything, So You Know Its Actually A Somewhat Meaningful Gesture. Sir.

 

NO, THAT'S WHAT SOME WOULD CALL A "JOKE"

I THINK THE VOW THING IS PRETTY FUCKING DUMB BUT MAYBE RELIGION IS JUST ~NOT FOR ME~

ANYWAY! I'D MANAGE TO FIND A WAY TO ACCIDENTALLY KILL MYSELF JUST THROUGH THE POWER OF SHEER INCOMPETENCE. THE OBITUARY WILL READ: ONE OF OUR CREATORS WAS FOUND DEAD AT THE GYM THIS EVENING. HE GOT HIS DISGUSTING SWILL ALL OVER THE EQUIPMENT WHEN HE CRACKED OPEN HIS IDIOT PAN, WHAT A RUDE PIECE OF SHIT. LET'S BUILD AN EFFIGY AND TORCH IT

 

If I leave y9u t9 y9ur 9dd cult shit, will y9u agree to never call me 'sir' again?

 

Have You Considered A Safety Helmet?
[her voice would sell the faux-innocent smile better if it wasn't raspy from her earlier screaming tantrum]

No Sir, I Shall Increase The Fucking Thing Sir.

 

I'm like a sweep 9lder than y9u. St9p calling me sir.

 

Never.
Make Me.
... Ignore That Last Bit, Sir.

 

I THINK YOU'RE GIVING ME TOO MUCH CREDIT. I COULD GET MYSELF KILLED *USING* THE SAFETY HELMET

 

Duct Tape The Helmet On. Cant Use It As A Suicideweapon If Its Permanently Installed.

 

STRANGLE MYSELF WITH THE DUCT TAPE