shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Chew a stress ball or cook violently, then. Or just scream!

-She glances over at Valiska.-

Vali, you can just make the sound not exist for you in here. I know you get overloaded but try to set filters up when nobody's currently screaming, sheesh!

 

If y9u have 9ne that will last m9re than a single night, I'll happily take it.

 

-She thinks one up and hands it to him.-

I dunno exactly how strong your jaws are but this is a willpower fueled place so like, doesn't matter, it'll last in here.

 

...actually, if you want to break it it'll probably break. I don't think you're weak-willed.

 

Why w9uld I want it t9 6reak?

 

I don't know! But I like being specific when I say stuff!

 

[dave is now wearing a party hat, and has several in his arms to hand out to anyone who wants one]

guess what motherfuckers
todays the day we celebrate karkat surviving another rotation around the sun
the anniversary of the day his tiny six legged self crash landed on fuckball murderplanet
i want to see some truly righteous partying
other vantas is it your wriggling day too

 

May6e? H9w w9uld I kn9w?

 

do you not know it or do you not know what time it is here
i mean time heres weird as hell but i can say with certainty its 6/12
either way man dyou want me to involve you in this sicknasty fiesta or not

 

N9.

 

cool
anyways
[there is now a table with a clearly phallic cake on it that reads 'congrats on not dying' in icing]
who wants to get fucking delirious biznasty

 

YOU DON'T *HAVE* TO MAKE A SCENE, I DID THAT ENOUGH ALREADY EARLIER.

[karkat looks significantly less pissed off than his usual state, though. he rolls his eyes and summons a chair next to the table]

 

"I'm not the only person here who might object, you know," Valiska says firmly. "It is not okay to scream wordlessly at the top of your lungs in the centre of a group full of people unless you actually need something from them, and need it so badly you can't articulate it any other way, Clover. This is not like Paz and the bell noises, something peculiar to her."

 

-A highly singed and bruised Equius who is covered in still smoking scorch and burn marks enters the rave, holding a ridiculously large wrapped present.-
D --> Karkat
D --> I have successfully managed to defeat the wriggling day gift I created for you
D --> I have since worked out the kinks with the autopilot system, so you need not worry about it attacking anyone
D --> However
D --> In the e%tremely unlikely event that it does attack anyone
D --> You must attack its weak point for massive damage
D --> I congratulate you on your continued survival

 

-Equius breaks the first chair he creates to sit at at the table and falls on his face. He summons a sturdier one to sit down on.-

 

[karkat's eyelid twitches]

...THANKS.

IF I SEE SO MUCH AS A *HINT* OF HOOVES, I WILL PERSONALLY REPROGAM IT TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND AND KICK YOU IN THE SHINS, FOREVER. NOTHING ELSE SHORT OF BRUTAL HOMOCIDE WOULD MAKE MY DISPLEASURE KNOWN. AND THAT MIGHT HAPPEN ANYWAY, GIVEN MY "SKILL" IN PROGRAMMING

LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH, THEN. MOVE IT CLOSER, I COULDN'T LIFT THAT IF I WANTED TO AND IN ALL HONESTY I'M NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED IT WON'T EXPLODE IF I JOSTLE IT

 

[the legendary piece of shit is still put away, because it's a party and what do you take him for a heathen no sir, but dave is watching the present Very Closely. he's holding his hand in such a way that the sword could be out and ready to decapitate a wayward battlebot in record time]
what up dude
hows it hangin oh christ dont answer that
my choice of words is a plague

 

Sir, Im Seven Sweeps Old And Made From COntradictions And Asspulls, If You Want Me To Make Any Sense Catch Me While Im Fixing My Patent Paperwork, I Actively Try To Behave Like People In Those Limited Hours.

[griiiiiiin]

No Actually Im Doing The "Pissing On An Authority Figures Leg To Test Worthiness" Thing.

[.......... She snops her fingers, suddenly wearing grey wrap pants and pretty much nothing else but what looks like stylized symbols painted on her skin. Her hair is pulled out of her forehead for once with a violently red scarf. Oh god there are so many fucking scars on her usually hidden by clothes and or hair. So many.]
Is It Time For The Celebratory Retelling Of Tales Because Im Fucking Ready.

 

-Equius gets up and moves the present closer to Karkat.-
D --> I assure you
D --> It is completely brachyuran in design
D --> Furthermore, the random occurrence of e%plosions was fi%ed relatively early on in the testing

D --> Nothing is hanging, regrettably
D --> Nepeta repeatedly suggested that Karkat would most likely not be appreciative of his present having that
D --> Functionality
D --> So I removed it
D --> Terezi suggested that you would appreciate me giving it to you as a wriggling day present in half an Earth sweep, but I am unsure of the veracity of this information

 

NO, WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PARTIES ARE YOU HAVING?? IT'S TIME FOR SITTING DOWN AND EATING THE DICK CAKE. USUALLY WE DON'T GET HALF NAKED AND TELL CAMPFIRE TALES ON WRIGGLING DAYS, IN CASE YOU WERE UNAWARE

WOW, I'M SO REASSURED! THIS IS MY REASSURED FACE, PLEASE IGNORE THE GROWING HORROR AND TREPIDATION

[he opens the present, albiet very carefully in case of explode]