shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE ROTPANNED FUCK

THIS CALLS FOR A KINKSHAMING SO POWERFUL, SO RUTHLESS, THAT NOTHING EXCEPT THE MOST BASIC EMPIRE-ENDORSED PAILING POSITIONS REMAIN AFTER THE PURIFYING BLAZE

 

... explain.

Okay, point taken, but then I didn't really think about how to explain the vast and varied different interface methods to organics at a first diplomatic contact, which is what we're heading to. And if a squishy asks I'll send home for a comprehensive beginner's guide because if I have to suffer so does the rest of Cybertron.

 

Not on me, sorry. Spoon got me a new phone that can't even get internet, fuckin stupid right?

You can't kinkshame me, I'm too powerful.

Uh, living bomb? Heckatons, our timers go tick tick and when we die we go boom.

 

That sick as pits and also means we got something in common I guess :P

 

Oh yeah!? Sick! I mean, I don't want to explode but if I gotta that's an awesome way to die right? I wonder if my mushroom cloud will look like a dick...

 

I mean fair, but also if you're considering me any kind of diplomat I have some concerns about your mission.

Awww. What planetary system's it out of? I can look around some, assuming we're even in the same universe.

You just got dick on the mind, don'cha?

 

You heard of New Dmtia?

Always

 

See there's where we differ I got wired up this way on purpose. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Oh pits no. I mean we have like one (1) diplomat on our squad so it's not like we have much room to talk.

 

All Heckatons are this way, I've got a huge explosive wall of fire to look forward to. Honestly I'm surprised I didn't detonate when I got cut in half, sewn back together, then kicked in half. Fuckin asshole worm.

 

YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY ABILITIES. I'LL KINKSHAME YOU, I'LL KINKSHAME YOUR WOOFBEAST, I'LL KINKSHAME MYSELF. ANYTHING TO BE RID OF SEXUALIZED FOOTWEAR. I LONG FOR THE SWEET ESCAPE OF DEATH, BUT I'LL TAKE RETROGRADE AMNESIA IN A PINCH!

 

Wow. I accidentally lost an arm recently because I fell asleep over an experiment but i got a replacement.

 

I'm just way too kinky to kinkshame, I'm out of your league man. Snappy Sandal is too hot for it, and snapping is just sexy.

I found out I can grow legs out of my uh... Guts...??? I guess? I mean, I don't have bones like humans do. It's all just goopy black-purple stuff.

 

Nah, but that don't mean much, the galaxy's a big place.

...guessin' from that description you ain't no kinda doctor, but dang does that sound interesting.

 

That sounds positively fascinating tell me more.
[.... nichrome stop flirting. Stop.]

 

Ford sighs. "I made the same promise to Sunshine once, but you're not ending up in a goddamn helm."

 

I HAVE QUITE LITERALLY KINKSHAMED GOD

 

*Talk about himself? Hell yes.*

No, not a doctor but the only internals that I know most Heckatons have is... Our timers and our eyes? I don't-- I don't have the eyes, which sucks but I'm still awesome. Like, all I had to do is get my legs again and I fused back with them, I had to use all my goopy insides to help me climb that elevator shaft...

Then I got kicked down again.

... Alright, that's a fuckin story.

*Excited hair floof*

 

THIS IS GOING TO BE VAGUE, BECAUSE OTHERWISE I'LL BE EXPLAINING FOR HALF A SWEEP BEFORE I ACTUALLY GET TO THE *STORY* BUT. THERE WERE A BUNCH OF US--TROLLS LIKE ME, I MEAN, AND HUMANS TOO--AND FOR EACH ONE OF US THERE WAS A COCOON OR BED OR SLAB. IF WE DIED ON IT, WE COULD COME BACK AS GODS.

MOST OF MY FRIENDS DIED AND SOME OF THEM CAME BACK, AND THEN WE ALL MADE A NEW UNIVERSE. THEY'RE ALSO DISGUSTING, HORNY FUCKS WHO SPEND ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME DROOLING OVER EACH OTHER AND SPOUTING OFF ABOUT THEIR VILE FETISHES. SO I DID THE GOOD DEED; I SHAMED LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT.

 

Huh! That really sounds interesting, d'you know if anyone's studied exactly how that works? Sounds kinda like what happens when scraplet swarms get big enough, but they're particulate instead'a slime...

 

... You did good. Alright maybe you're strong enough to kinkshame me.

Yeah? I'm not sure, I bet though... We're not natural, we were created to help combat the worms. So uh... Probably. Knife never told me much about that stuff though.