[nsfw] Iyaan, Karkat-kun: Let's Homestuck some Hentai

I never considered pitch haltav. Hmmm. They don't have the pink heart though, so is it secret feelings?
Ooh, and pitch HalDave too? Innnteresting

 

...Now I want this to be a thing. Godsdamnit.

 

Oh god, now that Dirk fucked Dave, are he and Hal going to get in a competition? I hope sp

 

Hal, we've been fucking each other in public since the first day I got your brain online, but now you're feeling self-conscious? Who cares what other people think.

Now let me go look at the magic statue that tells me what other people think.



That's a good question, Hal. Let me answer it with a question of my own: have you been romancing Tavros?



Exactly. So let's leave the drama to the others, this thing between us was always open ended.



I refuse.



Shit, this is what it looks like from the other side? Dirk is a heartless monster.

Time for class. Finally.



Failed what? My academic assessment was great. Did someone confuse my desk for Jake's?



Of course.



I can picture the wedding now: me, dressed up in a sparkling pink taffeta gown and sneakers, you dressed in only the finest of rhinestone-studded leisure suits. We'll make Dave walk the aisle holding a Smuppet, a ring on its quivering plush nose.

After lunch, Calliope was hanging around. So let's compliment her, she's too cute.



You're downright kawaii as fuck, Callie. Sorry about your brother. In that he exists, I mean.

Right, let's go exercise.



Now will you all step the fuck back and let a man focus on something other than his sexy bod for once?



God, Roxy, you have no idea. You're an angel. Let's go.



At last, peace. Dirk spent the entire time writing code for a new robot in his notebook. A brobot, if you will.



And you're like the fifteenth person to ask me that today. Y'all are just fuckin' with me, right? There's no way you don't know the answer to that.



Fucking hell, Karkat, yes, okay. I'll study, stop riding me so hard or I'll start getting ideas.



(hey, it's Kanaya's New new outfit)

And you're like the twentieth person to randomly praise me today. I know I'm hot shit but this is getting ridiculous.



I would love to, Tavros. You can tell me all about everything's Hal said to you.



What? Jane, no. Whoever told you that is a sack of the worst shit and they're probably jealous.



I have a packet of saltines and what appears to be half a tube of Smarties I don't remember putting in my pocket.

 

They mutually like each other but neither one has asked for an actual relationship! ...yet.

 

.... the girls are in kawaii overdrive today aren't they?
and oh god Karkat's precious little face how can anyone refuse him anything, dirk you heartless beast

 

Karkat and Dirk were SO ON POINT, I am happy on 413 different levels. Just..Karkat was going around telling everyone to shape their shit up like an angry little general! I really wish Gamzee wasn't dead, I'd love to see you RP him to. Also, the Condesce is going to teach everyone a lesson they won't forget, Sollux/Karkat better watch out!

I CANT BREATH!!

 

Dirk r u me?

 

Time to hit the showers.



You're about as subtle as Dave, Tavbro, but that's fine. We can just pretend like you've never seen a dick before and that's why you won't stop staring.



For you? Of course.



You are. I never thought hugs from a nude, anatomically correct robot that looks like me would feel so good, but here we are.



I know, Dave. And you can dip your giant yaoi hands into my uke cookie jar whenever you want, but we can't make this a relationship. I care about you too much to carpet bomb your heart with my shittiness. Why do you think I made a robot my boyfriend?



Anyway, are you trying to collect the whole school? You've got six lovers, dude, I think you'll be okay if we just fuck casually.

Ah, hell. Don't look at me like that, kid.



I don't like it either, but you forced my hand, so just deal with this non-sexual affection like a man. Stand there and think of Texas, it'll be over soon.



You're goddamn right I'll trade, Dave. Hit me up on Pesterchum if you ever wanna rap battle.



Oh, it's your club now, is it? Sure thing, Captain Bipolar, just let me put on pants.



Now whose club is it, Sollux?



This school is full of feeders. Fuck it, I could go for a pick me up.



I know the cupcakes have cute faces on 'em, Nepeta, but I'm still gonna eat them. That was the point, remember?



It better be light because I'm still full of cupcakes and regret.



Hmm, I feel like I'm forgetting something.



Shit.

Well, let's put in some extra work at club to make up for it.



And Eridan might be a fishdouche. Why bother stating the obvious, voice in my head?



Of course it's okay with me, Jane. You're my best friend. You and Roxy.

Come on, let's talk about how exhausting it is to have everyone want a piece of us.

 

And just for Kathy, I went into my yaoi mod game launcher to take pics of wild Hal on Dirk action.

Spoiler: bros gone wild

AND THEN THEY STARTED LOOKING AT ME



"Like what you see?"

TIME TO CLOSE THE GAME AND GO TO CHURCH TO PRAY FOR MY SINS.

 

so blushu

 

iyaaaan, hal-kun, yamete!

 

you know you're anime trash when you immediately pitch your mental voice up like three octaves for generic kawaii animu girl when you see a sentence structured like that.

 

Thank you.

 

We're kindred spirits, you and I.

 

also I immediately mind-pronounced it as 'Haru-kun' before even realizing what was going on, you guys my brain has a shitty fake-japanese accent.

#this is why as much as people may claim I look like rose with blonde hair as much as gthey like #The truth is, deep down I am a strider at heart

 

Rue, you are fuelling my trashy dirkhal shipper heart and I was actually thinking of writing shower smut before this, but now. Nooow.
:33c
I'm so happy

 

@Ruevian I think the gay anime boys are flirting with you.

...I did this. OH NO

Welp, the selfie thread has one of it's Striders. We're collecting them all.

 

*throws confetti at you* YOU WIN