shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

!!!!!!!!!!
<3
[The farmer watches, endlessly charmed. tiny animal frend]

 

Valiska looks curiously at the rats.

 

"What are you thinking about?"

 

"I'm thinking that it's good the girl with the three little kits isn't here," Valiska muses, smiling.

 

-accepts a cheese- Thank you kind Sir or Madam.

-greeting is done with great ceremony! Then there is cheese to be eating. Very important, eating cheese-
I would love to return the favor dear friends but I am afraid none of my stashes are in here.

 

[He accepts the thanks with a nod and another tip of the hat. Honestly he doesn't particularly care if he's a "Sir" or a "Madam", most people seem to think "Sir", but it's too much bother to correct anyone or clarify most of the time. Shrug.]

 

@Lysander
*joins the sniffing party*

 

[Sparkly eyes and grabby hands. A doge friend. He needs a dog to help herd all his animals. Gaia does he. Spring has come to oak tree town and between his six new animal friends and all the crops he is growing he could really need some help. Heeeeeere doggy doggy doggy...]

 

-is snif-
Well hello there Sir or Madam dog. I hope you are not one of those rat terriers?

 

*sniffs the hands and jumps playfully*

*turns and pokes at Lysander curiously *

 

Dogmeat is a German sheperd. There's hardly and German sheperds where we live. What is a rat terrier?

 

I think Dogmeat would love to help. As long as you feed him, he'll do anything you say.

 

[Pet doge friend. good doge friend.]

[He nods, happily, producing a bag of pet food from his backpack to feed dogmeat with]

 

Well, that's not going to give anyone ideas.

-she's eating the absurd hell-apple, since no one else will-

 

[dave now has a bag of snausages and is cautiously approaching dogmeat. halp how do you treat dogs that aren't also half human girl]

 

*Dogmeat's ears flick with excitement and eats the pet food*

*There is so much food to eat. Dogmeat eats both the snausages and the dog food*

 

You can't say anything here without someone taking it in the wrong direction. *chuckles*

 

Most people think "the wrong direction" and think "shoehorned sex jokes"

I was thinking more "now I don't have to worry about the bodies."

 

[dave is making sparkle eyes behind the shades. gentle petpetpet]

this is the best day of my life ive been blessed fucking blessed i tell you
im gonna climb to the highest mountaintop and sing the praises of dogs because god damn they truly are mans best friend
compose ballads about their unwavering loyalty their love of meat and meat byproducts their beautiful fur
but not in a furry way

the two arent mutually exclusive

 

Spoiler: shoehorned sex joke

Please stay out of the morgue, if you want to get off to death there's plenty of battlefields that don't need to be kept clean.