shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I'm a femme!

 

A... what? Is that some new alt they came up with for the war?

 

I know for a fact there are cybertronian femmes, how are you this dense?

 

*puppeteer laughter* You'll learn. My kind definitely did, eons back when they first discovered other species.

 

So you have a cycle of reincarnation? I know there's a few Dalish clans who believe the same, though honestly it's never quite rung true for me. But the Fade is crowded enough without the souls of the dead, and I certainly don't believe in the Maker, so reincarnation makes as much sense as anything, I suppose.

 

Working on it! Working on it I promise.
-the mech with the torso that's one large empty ring looks a bit flustered today. Something busy's happened, evidently.-

 

I still have no idea what you're talking about, so either I've entirely lost the concept one way or another or it wasn't something known by the time I died. Would you care to explain what a 'femme' is?

Again, if anything the older spirits say can be trusted. By the temples of Mortilus's teachings we're all supposed to stay in the Well, but then the temples were by and large Functionalist propaganda dispensaries anyway. From what I've pieced together from the old-timers, once your mind retreats entirely, your spark is supposed to be blessed with a new frame. The old glitches couch everything in more obtuse religious phrasing than any priest of Solomus I've ever heard; it's a mess trying to decipher what they're actually trying to get at. If their theories are right it's a wonder they haven't moved on.

 

[The wolf made of birch bark snorts.]
Silly Being. Of course I have a basic idea. Just because I don't derive pleasure from pure annihilation does not mean I am entirely unfamiliar with it. I am rather more aligned with destruction than preservation after all. I am unlike that weak fool, Eye of Snakes.

 

Weeeell, if you've been dead a long time you might not know. Femmes use she and her pronouns instead of he and him. And I wouldn't be a sir.

Hmmm. What did you fuck up? Can I help?

 

Yeah, but you can see why pure annihilation is shitty and not a price that should be paid for anything, right? Even if you did make a deal?

 

if only it was that easy. Ugh. Hawks. At least she usually doesn't bother you as long as you avoid her.

[Oh fuck yes. He immediately begins to drown his sorrow in sweet glittery cocktails]

 

-he flaps a slightly dismissive hand at her; there's dried energon still hiding in the joints on his fingers-
No, you're way too aligned with Uncle for this one.

 

[Switchboard stares at him for a long moment, frowning faintly. Why does this mech look familiar?] ...do I know you?

I've already said I don't remember the numbers anymore. A fair few millennia after the war left Cybertron's solar system, at least. If I've ever seen those pronouns I've completely forgotten them, but nevertheless I apologise. What would the correct counterpart for 'sir' be, then?

 

Excuse you, I'm an engineer!

 

Ma'am. Anyway, it's fine, you didn't know, and you can't really tell by looking, anyway.

 

If that is what your contract partner feeds of it's simply terrible manners to pay short, lad. Starving someone because the method of feeding them is inconvenient is rather barbaric.

 

I'm pretty sure that Bill doesn't eat Weirdmageddons. Pretty sure.

*gestures at @the author speaks* Hey, Ford, does Bill eat Weirdmageddons?

 

Ah- in a manner of speaking? You're in here, technically. -he waves a hand through his empty middle a couple of times- But you won't be for long, I think! Got something lined up for you! -pulls a datapad out of nowhere and starts flicking through it in a way that suggests, if he was using paper, it'd be the equivalent of a hastily-stapled together collection of random sheets-

Yes, I know. Not a metaphysical engineer, though.

 

Not yet. You could teach me.

 

Ah. Thank you for... partially explaining, at any rate.

...oh. Oh! That-- makes about as much sense as anything else here, I suppose.