shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

If you don't delineate all terms before signing-- or shaking, or however you seal your deals-- that's on you. Can't blame someone for taking what they can get, and this Bill sounds like he's been around the block a time or two!

Spoiler: that escalated quickly

[Mala's voice drops suddenly and acquires an odd echo, though they still sound unconscionably cheerful:] I want to eat him!

 

Oh, that's terribly charming. I'm sure he'd like to meet you. Maybe you ought to go find him, then?

 

[He just blinks tiredly. What.]

What gives you the idea that I associate with someone like that? One bratty nonsense spouting annoyance is enough in my life.

 

Oh, please, try to chase down a chaosbringer? I'm not that cocky! No, no, I'll have to wait for chance to favor us, I'm not Vector.

 

IF WE'RE EATING THINGS CAN I COME?

 

That sounds like a strange way to go about... being a robot.

... that's you???

*nessus gives a basic rundown of the science behind that, which niven totally neglected to ever specify 'cause it never actually was important to the books*

Yes.

 

That's quitter's talk if you ask me.

 

Right? Because I'm just thaaat good.

[She bounces a small blast of energy that looks like a negative of a spark off of the nearest bit of Mala's plating]
Nuh-uh. Get your bits out of the twist or me and Marchy are gonna investigate your playthings really hard on whether you are allowed to keep them in the realm of the living >:/

 

...really. And you've never published this information because...?

Oh, don't tell me you're one of those who think 'robot' means drone. We're as alive as any organic species.

 

That's me! I do all the spark-imbuing and sentio-metallico-making business. Or bits of me do. Or my children do, though the line between those last two groups is kinda foggy.

-he absorbs this- Gosh. Your universe really IS fascinating!

'How I Create Protoforms: An essay by Primus'?

 

Of course!

Oh, no no no. I have all the time in the universe, that's all. And I know my own sort well enough!

[They hiss, flaring something that might be wings or might be scales.] You don't get to decide that, cousin.

 

I LIKE YOU

 

...you're. Primus.

[He blinks for a few moments, then shrugs.] Fair enough. You'd be swarmed by the temples, if nothing else.

 

Bitch bark.

 

You've got a healthy appetite!

 

*grins* Yeah. I'm with you there. I have wanted to get back at some of the people who fucked with me.

Try that and the gloves will come the fuck off!

Can he please not, though?

You sure seem keen on defending him.

He's not a chaosbringer. He's just a man that fucked up at least once.

 

I like eating things even if I shouldn't eat them IT'S FUN and also rocks have energon sometimes so WHO KNOWS

 

-it was barely visible, but Primus had absolutely been holding himself in preparation for denial or more shouting. He relaxes immediately at Switchboard's words and smacks him on the back in a friendly manner- I like you!

 

Yes? That's what "robot" usually means...

... but... how? How is any of what you just said even possible?

 

Watch me! You're gonna cause some universe rending nonsense? Nuh-fragging-uh! That goes through my realm!