shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-Primus indicates himself with a thumb- God! Specifically creator god!

 

That does not explain anything.

 

Really? Why? I thought you didn't like--

Oh! You think I mean the poor nut what got sloppy! No no no, I don't care about Ford, he wouldn't be half so fun a fight! This Bill fellow, though, he'd be a riot.

Eating things is important! You can even use most of 'em!

 

Booooooooriiiiiiing!

 

!!! YES

I'm Requiem, and you?

 

[.... okay he gives her a wolfish grin. That was a good one.]
You might just be the only sufferable mortal around.

Lad. I do not have to be particularly fond of an individual to defend the system by which I get my own sustenance. My rates are not a secret. Wood carvings, nature walks, letting me use the master's body to hunt. Even someone as dense and fog-eyed as you should be able to add the clues together.

 

Well, basically, as a God I have the power to bring forth life... so I do?

 

[STERN DEMIGOD FACE]
>:/

 

It sounded like you were threatening to eat Ford. Words are just words, words are fine, but if you eat my friend, I'll make sure I wreck you.

... oh. Yeah. Heh.

You can eat him, if you want. We all would appreciate it.

Would it really destroy your precious system if we didn't let Bill tear the fabric of reality?

 

... how do you even exist, though?

 

Lovely. No, no, 'robot' is convenient shorthand for a mechanoid species, sapient or no. We are sapients with primarily metallic components, though of course the line between 'person' and 'AI' shifts every half-chord it seems like because no one can agree on a solid definition of sapience itself.

 

-Primus' voice takes on a sing-songy tone-
In the Beginning, there was The One. And The One created the universe. But The One knew it could not be alone, and so it split itself in two; first came Unicron, the Destroyer, and from him Primus, the Creator.

 

I don't think my species has met any like yours before.

*scornfully* A typical creation myth.

 

[Canine yawn.]
Yes.

 

Oh, I've got lots of names! Changer, Shifter, Chaoskin, You Absolute Glitchbrain, all those fun things! You just call me whatever you like, squidlet, we'll figure something out.

[BIG FANGY GRIN.]

No, no, organics just gunk up the systems something fierce, I've had more than enough of eating them. Another chaosbringer though, that would be a new flavor!

AND THEN THEY DIDN'T FRAG FOR EIGHT QUINTILLION YEARS

 

Well, guess what? We didn't. And your system is still intact, isn't it?

 

Fairly unlikely, actually, unless it's certain that you're both operating in the same universe with the same fundamental underpinnings. Even then, it's more probable that there's a failsafe of some kind, given that this has probably been tried before.

 

Yeah! So it was how I was created. I'm Primus, by the way!

-without looking round- Fixin' that now Mala!

 

Really? [Despite himself, Switchboard looks intrigued. Storytime? From Primus Himself?]

Quite possibly. I've certainly never seen your like before.

 

It's always fun being around when someone makes Ki for a drone.

By "always fun" I mean "he better have figured out how to get the stains out, that was my favorite jacket."