shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"They may not have. But I certainly have." Of all the people present, his other self is probably the person Ford finds least appealing in the moment. And the other Lissa--Valiska--is pretty and smells nice, but has an imperious, distant side he doesn't think he'd be able to get past, not even if she'd let him.

 

"Good. That's another awkward conversation we don't ever have to have again."

 

@Grimm My favorite scientist is PhD Pepper!! He's a real love doctor lolol

 

Is it clone banging time?
?_?
^_^

 

"I don't know, is it?" Lissa grins. "I think my sister and I are the only clones here and she doesn't want to play, but you know I will. But where's Marcus?"

 

I do not need to feel the urge myself to make fun of you for it. And in fact the attempt to find someone as close to an "altself" for procreation is quite an understandable desire, after all one wants to preserve their own lineage and domain for the future.

 

YOU KEEP YOUR SUGGESTIVE GANDERBULBS FULLY OPEN, SO YOU CAN WATCH ME FLIP OFF YOU AND THAT IDEA, FOREVER! YOU DISGUSTING, DUBIOUSLY-CORPOREAL SACK OF INNUENDO AND MULCH

NO, IT IS PUT THAT IDEA BACK IN THE SHAME BOX WHERE IT BELONGS AND NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN TIME

 

"You speak for yourself, Karkat Vantas." Lissa snickers.

 

Whatever you are never speak to me again.
[A couple of birches spring from the ground violently between them. The yhave no idea what any of that meant but they do not want to find out. In fact they are going to drink to forget that now.]

[They bark a laugh]
You are weak.

 

Mi? I mean some of the other incorporated mis are pretty but I don´t like them like that!

 

EURGH. FAR BE IT FROM ME TO TELL YOU WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO PUT YOUR MATING TACKLE, BECAUSE WOW I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE *THINKING* ABOUT THAT, I'D RATHER POUR BLEACH IN MY AURICULARS AND HOPE IT HITS MY PAN. HAVE FUN DOING YOU I GUESS, I'LL BE OVER HERE PUKING OUT THE TATTERED REMAINS OF MY SANITY.

AND YOU'RE A SMUG DOUCHE, PLEASE DO CONTINUE STATING THE OBVIOUS. IF I'M WEAK FOR WANTING TO SEE THE INEVITABLE SHAMELESS SELFCEST FEST IN ALL ITS HIGH-DEFINITION GLORY, THEN SO BE IT!

NOT WANTING. IS WHAT I MEANT, OH SWEET ALMIGHTY FUCK LET ME DIE

 

[That does it. Now it's just too funny to pass up. Suddenly there's a slightly fainter mirror image of Grimm's humanoid form. They proceed to feed eachother liqueur from the wooden bowl, sexily. Which truthfully is the closest thing to mortal-corporeal-being-eroticism they can comprehend.]

 

well this is it folks we just opened pandoras kink dungeon id ask if youre happy now but it was i the tempter who led you all down this dark road to sin
frankly i did not think selfcest would rev this many engines the chance for some juvenile wordplay was just too much to resist
it was right there jutting impudently and shit begging me to bounce a metaphorical coin off it how was i supposed to deny myself one of lifes simplest pleasures
folly of fucking man

 

Ford scratches his head. "I'm pretty sure she was hitting on Wrench, not Valiska. She and Valiska are clones, so if it's clone-banging time, she's hoping that means her. She has a thing for Wrench. We both sort of do, but last we heard, he and his boyfriend went mono."

 

[Amused:] And here we just get migraines when there's too many of us close together. Almost enough to make a mech jealous!

 

[karkat chokes and makes an infuriated hissing/clicking bug noise. he throws his hands in the air and resumes yelling after a moment's pause to find his words]

I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH! I AM A HUMBLE FUCKING TROLL WITH REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS. ALL I WANT IS A HIVE TO SLEEP IN, CLOTHES TO WEAR, FOOD TO EAT, AND FOR PEOPLE TO *NOT* START SEDUCING THEMSELVES EVERY TIME I BLINK! BUT CAN EVEN THIS MEAGER REQUEST BE GRANTED? NO. FUCK YOU, KARKAT. YOU GET JACK AND SHIT, WITH A DELICIOUS SIDE SERVING OF GO FUCK YOURSELF AND WE MEAN THAT LITERALLY. SECOND HELPINGS ARE MANDATORY.

EACH DAY I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP KNOWING THIS IS MY FATE, BUT THE CRUEL GODS ABOVE DON'T GIVE A SINGLE WET FART ABOUT MY TEARS. WHY? I ASK. WHY MUST I SUFFER???

OH. WELL, I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT EVEN LESS, IF THAT'S POSSIBLE!

 

You. Are weak. You will never spawn mighty offspring this way.
[Grimm grins and dismisses the shade]

 

Poor giant robot!

 

"I'm pretty sure he already spawned a whole universe."

 

I THINK I'D RATHER TAKE A CROTCH-LEVEL ACID BATH THAN WORRY ABOUT MIGHTY OFFSPRING, THANKS