shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Maturity can be overrated," Lissa says, "particularly the kind that's just being stuffy."

 

Maturity is just trauma dressed up pretty.

 

i have not a single fucking clue whats going on but i heard the word dead and im gonna veto whatever your fuzzy little brain is cookin up
i will give you a tax exemption if you do not dead it

hell yeah dude ill stop making dick jokes when i die
and i mean like perma die
although to be fair id probably make jokes in the afterlife if there still is one of those
its just so
hard
not to make dumb jokes

 

Mi! [He reaches out to catch the new mi just in case it falls, but doesn't interfere with SniffQuest.]

Yes, quite. One of the many reasons we were supposed to keep track of the things Solus made, but, well. Can't blame a mech for not keeping up while he doesn't have a body.

I haven't been out to your cluster in a long while-- and I do mean long!--, but most places usually have at least one afterlife.

 

I distinctly recall hearing about weaving a universe. If that is "have not done shit worthy of receiving any" I do not wish to know what your relations get up to.
Drink.
[They hold the bowl out still. Goddammit he remembers his manners about sharing for once in his goddamn life, so you will take grumpy grandpa up on his booze, boy, do not test the birch wolf.]

 

In case anyone still wonders, I was asleep, in my underwear, fondling a lisa frank drawing. Mhhhhh Unicorns....

 

"You wouldn't say that if you'd ever actually met a unicorn."

 

Depends on the unicorn! I've met some positively lovely individuals.

 

Have you met any of the people I am tempted to carress the pants regions of? Like obviously Spidey is a beautiful, and perfect lovely hero of my heart and all, but like seriously, have you met half of the douchebags in New York? Have you met me?

 

while were on the topic of dick jokes
insert terrible joke about long things
insert terrible joke about inserting
this is just too easy man i hardly even gotta try

and yeah we had an afterlife sorta if you were uh
"lucky" enough to play an instance of the game but theres so many fucking shenanigans now im not even sure whats going on with that
something about a black hole but space isnt my thing and anyway i cant exactly decipher whats going on very reliably when our source is a few blurry snaps

 

LITERALLY ALL OF THEM HAD A HAND IN "WEAVING" THE UNIVERSE TOO, AND THEY ALL DID A BETTER JOB THAN ME. IF ECHIDNA HADN'T HELD THE FUCKING FROG HOSTAGE OVER AN IDIOTIC DEMAND THAT I BE ~*LEADER*~ (BARF), I WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN NECESSARY IN THE *SLIGHTEST.*

[karkat takes the bowl--he has
a sneaking suspicion doing otherwise would be A Bad Idea--and takes a tiiiiny sip before handing it back]

 

[grim nod. That's right. They take the bowl back, satisfied for now.]
So then you should all demand offerings.

 

NO! WE JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING *NORMAL* FOR ONCE, YOU OBNOXIOUS SAWDUST MOTHERFUCKER. FORCING PEOPLE TO GROVEL AND PRESENT WHATEVER SHIT THEY HAVE TO GIVE IS KIND OF COUNTERINTUITIVE TO THAT!

 

Not grovel. Corporeal silliness. None of you know how to hold a proper transaction. Ugh. It is called an offering because it is offered in exchange for an action. It is not a courting gift because I assume your clan has already entered the contract requisite for something as large as weaving a universe. It could also be referred to as a Prize or Payment. You are snappish because you require to feed more, on more valuable offerings. That is how you are normal. No one who does things for free survives long.

 

Terrible jokes are terribly easy, aren't they? [Grandpa no. Grandpa don't wink at young men.]

Space is my thing-- well, one of my things [another wink from space robot grandpa--] but afterlife bleeds into Heart and Time as well, and our Heart is... well! Besides, I try not to leave my own cluster undefended for longer than I absolutely need to anymore. I'm far enough removed as it is.

 

[karkat squints]

...I "FEED" PLENTY. I'M ~SNAPPISH~ BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A COLOSSAL SHITHOOTING IDIOT AND I HAVE THIS ARCANE THING CALLED A "PERSONALITY."

I HAVE BEEN ENRAGED IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER SINCE I HATCHED. OR DIDN'T HATCH, WHATEVER, IT'S EASIER TO SAY THAN "SINCE I MADE MYSELF IN A LAB AND CRASH LANDED ON ALTERNIA"

 

[dave waggles his eyebrows. grandpa gets it]

the low hanging fruit tastes the sweetest yo

whatre your other things cause over here we only get the one
and uh sorry about your own what did you call it
cluster
bro sounds like some shit went down but im not super familiar with all that being that i dont live there so heres just a general thats rough buddy
we havent had anything to defend ourselves from recently (thank FUCK) but i know some gnarly fucking shit can happen on a scale that big

 

[Grimm raises an eyebrow again. Weird kid.]
Indulging your irritation too much will make you more destructive.

 

Oh, I only have one Aspect, I was just on the previous track of conversation. 'Thing' is the lowest-hanging fruit of all, hey?

And yes, cluster's the word we use for related universes-- we split off a little more in space than in time, it seems, but it still spawns the same number of branches and copies and all that nonsense. The gnarly shit is by and large past for a good while, but, well, keeping a weather eye out and such. It'd be just our luck for something to happen as soon as I look away, seeing as most of the others aren't really up to watching right now.

 

"Should I be insulted, then? I distinctly remember a pout when I told you the catte and I wouldn't play that way. Of course there's another guy somewhere around here who looks just like me, and he's more than enough asshole to suit your tastes."

Ford laughs. "It was actually his feline keeper who was looking for you."