shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

GOOD THING I INDULGE IT JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT! IF I TRIED TO BE DESTRUCTIVE IT WOULD BE LIKE UNLEASHING A MEOWBEAST WIGGLER. OH, I WOULD *TRY.* I WOULD TRY SO HARD! BUT IT WOULD BE IN VAIN, BECAUSE A WET ROLL OF TOILET PAPER IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN I AM.

SERIOUSLY, IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, IT'S GOING TO HAVE THE OPPOSITE EFFECT. WHY DO YOU GIVE TWO STINKING SHITS ABOUT MY EMOTIONAL STATE, ANYWAY? IF I ANNOY YOU THAT MUCH YOU COULD JUST...TELL ME TO FUCK OFF????? OR ARE WE PLAYING ANOTHER ROUSING GAME OF LET'S SEE HOW FAST WE CAN PISS OFF KARKAT, BECAUSE AT THIS RATE YOU'RE GOING FOR A NEW RECORD

 

"...have you actually seen kits? Sapient or not, once they get over the period where they can't regulate their body temperature, see, or hear, and can actually spend more than a few minutes away from you, they then embark on a program of utter destruction. It's been theorised that they survive because they're adorable. The non-sapient kind tend to settle down after a year and a half. The sapient kind...well, some of us never do." Valiska giggles.

 

Oh god are you actually expecting me to remember anything hah, yeah no I'm not like- Hey I can't even recall which continuity I belong to yeah? Which do I belong to.... What is my origin story.....?

yeaaaaaah

 

aw damn that was so low hanging i tripped over it and didnt even notice until i landed face first in some overripe innuendo it was like fruit bukkake all over my shades
i gotta be more fuckin vigilant im losing my touch

and yeah i feel that somebodys gotta be around just in case shit goes southways
make sure it dont go any souther etc
sounds kinda lonely though if everyone else fucked off

 

Little bit! I have a few dedicated.... eh... let's call them followers, though, that's more than enough! And to be entirely fair to my siblings most of them didn't voluntarily fuck off, and we all come back eventually, so... [Shrug! Cyclical lifetime(s): they're not just for mortals.]

 

"You're really going to love the new movie that's just coming out, dude, Spider-Man is in high school."

 

I'VE SEEN NEPETA.

...THIS IS NOT HELPING MY CASE. THE IMPS ON LOLCAT DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE.

ANYWAY, I'M THE PERIOD WHERE THEY CAN'T REGULATE THEIR BODY TEMPERATURE, SEE, OR HEAR. THAT IS ME, IN EVERY ASPECT EXCEPT THE LITERAL

 

What is that on the wind I hear? A thousand voices of internet geeks yelling pedophilia? Is it time to declare my eternal boner for Spidey, *gasp*, problématique? That's french for "lol I don't give a shit" by the way.

 

Mason breaks down into giggles. "Good job, you."

 

"I never understood how it's pedophilia if you're in high school," Alex muses. "It doesn't have to be pedophilia to be morally wrong. People on Tumblr are dumb sometimes."

 

I think I cleared "morally wrong" several years ago. Seriously. Mercenary.
... FUCK.
[He pulls a face, then pulls out a gun and empties the magazine into a suddenly appearing... target dummy made out of takeout boxes with a sharpy >:( face drawn on. Yeah.]
I need to work on my Captain Jack Sparrow impression, I think the joke doesn't fucking communicate well. Fuck.

 

"I'm pretty sure there are parts of Tumblr where not having a boner that can psychically guess adult-looking people's exact chronological ages is considered worse being a killer for hire, but whatever, it's not like you ever get Spider-Man." Alex shrugs.

 

"Are you okay? She wasn't trying to give you a hard time, she was snarking about the internet." Lissa frowns because she does things like that when she's upset, too. "Wow...you sure are Deadpool. I only got a glimpse of you that last time."

 

yeah idk if shes from your timline or not or if that even matters on this scale cause it sounds like youve taken deity to a whole nother level but i talked to a time sister once in here she said there was a lot of like
history repeatin itself in your whole clusterfuck
which i get on a logical kind of detached level because if i didnt get my aspect id be sorta fucked and by sorta i mean rawed in the ass
but like im not sure i entirely understand exactly how that fucks with a dudes head

 

[His face falls dramatically]
How dare you! First of all nuh-UH I ship it so hard it's TOTALLY gonna be canon, Spidey's my forever boy.
Second of all uh SPOILERS??? Rude.

[He stares at his gun.]
Oh that, yeah no that's all about myself, not her or whatever. I've got a lot of pent up aggression and when a joke falls flat I just gotta - *grhmpf*, you know?? Get the shit right out of my system.

 

Mhm! If not mine exactly somewhere close enough as makes no difference. I'm not sure I take your meaning on cyclical history fucking with my head, though-- I'm a bit eccentric in most incarnations, but I don't think this me is that out there! Unless we mean the return of my siblings? In which case, no, no, that really is supposed to happen before the end of this me's home universe, our species in this particular iteration has a cyclical... lifespan? Lifespans? I'm neither Life nor a grammarian... anyway, all thirteen of us are supposed to be incarnated and in-universe for the so-called "final" battle.

 

no like
you keep talking about iterations of you and its kind of boggling me how THAT works
like are you aware of your past selves like i mean obviously you are on some level but how far does that go and if you remember it perfectly how do you distinguish yourself as a separate individual if you do at all
what happens when this iteration ends and your new one starts
i guess what im saying is that i dont think my fragile organic brain could handle living through something like that and it's kind of blowing my mind
cause i hardly get the ultimate self shit weve got going on and i think id need to get dunked into a sprite to REALLY understand it
and this sounds like the ultimate self on steroids if im bein entirely honest like the concept is fucking jacked

 

-pleased purring-

 

Pirr! -the smol mi hasn´t got a clue what a tax exemption is, but it has one now!- Mi won´t dead it. -it informs Dave graciously-

Mimi! Pirr! Mi it?

 

Indeed you cannot. Not having a body, do you mean you´re kinda immaterial like the little ones or?