shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Ah! I see, I see. No, that is specifically a me thing. Might be wrapped up in the Space deal? Or maybe I'm a bit Heart-touched still, who knows? It's all a big mess and we don't actually have any proper way to go back and look anymore. (Or I can just go and break the fourth wall and say "comics bullshit happened," but I'm told that's "cheating".)

Spoiler: grandpa shut up no one wants to listen to your rambling stories

See, we Thirteen used to be multiversal singularities, beyond even Primus and Unicron! Thirteen singular entities, moving between each and every new universe in the entire Primax cluster-- which is to say, every universe up to that point involving transformers as a species rather than as a fictional construct. The streams were messier then, weaving in and out of each other, universes kept bleeding into each other and no one could keep the damn continuity straight. We kept it... mostly in all the pieces it was supposed to be in.
Then over in the Sigma branch-- Shattered Glass universes, the classic "mirrored AU" where alignments get flipped around-- Nexus, one of my brothers, decided he was done with all this popping in and out, put a fancy sword together, and firmed up all the divisions between individual universes. As a consequence, our Singularity forms were also destroyed; no longer able to move between universes, instead every little froglet got its own shard, its own copy of each of us to protect it. Or destroy it, in some cases, blah blah infinite options infinite branches.

Because my natural abilities involve moving through and manipulating space, I suspect I remember this specifically because I'm built to handle the space between universes-- wouldn't do much good to be able to do such things if I didn't think I had reason to! The Onyx from this me's home universe can see a little farther, too, time and space being such a tangled mess, but only I actually forge connections to my alternate selves without external prompting or assistance.

It usually is quite overwhelming when we first become aware of all the others-- this me in particular spent several decades basically hiding under anything I could find with a migraine trying to sort through it all while my siblings adjusted to their powers. My tiny mechanoid mind could barely handle it either! And trying to focus on all of us... doesn't work. Really doesn't, trust me on that.

 

Please don't mi me, little one, that won't be pleasant for either of us.

Sometimes! As you see me now, I am almost entirely physical... er, well, would be if we weren't on an immaterial plane in the first place. When our physical bodies die, though, we become immaterial and retreat to a... hm. Call it a safe place, that's easier, I'm not entirely sure how it all fits together, not my department. We stay there until there's room for more physical people out in the universe, and then return to everyday life! Sometimes memories get shuffled around in the process, but, well, life's always a bit of a mess, isn't it? Eventually, when the true-self has had their life's purpose fulfilled we actually do cease-- that's Unicron's main duty, to see to it that those souls aren't forced to return to a world they want no part of--, but some people simply don't end until the universe does.

 

Alex laughs. "It's not like you have a closed canon, relax, dude. But you haven't gotten him yet in anything I've ever read. And I'm assuming you probably won't get him until he is out of high school in this run, but go ahead and surprise me, I don't care, I got up to all sorts of things when I was his age."

 

And here I was being morose about knowing there is an inevitable series of events none of us can ever escape, the promised steps of the timeline laid out in an endless choreography of stars and burning black holes devouring all.

 

See now it's a challenge. You can't just say that and not expect me to take you up on that. Be back later, sugarbum, we're gonna speedrun this bitch.

 

Lissa frowns. She feels bad for him. "I do know," she says. "I may look like a cute little kitten but I used to be an assassin. The cuteness really worked to my advantage on occasion, tee bee aitch."

This is gonna hurt. He had to go and get real. Because he's a person. Just like she's a person and not a cute little catgirl.

All these guys like comic book heroes, in some cases actual comic book heroes, that act like they're hard as adamant, and their hearts are just full of old broken glass and things, and she wants to take care of them all, doesn't she? Because it's true that life is suffering, that wasn't a lie, but it's also true that life is everything good and everything fun and everything ever worth doing.

Ford was the first and he is her dear true love whom she would never ever leave, but there are just so many of them and she just wants to cuddle them all. And when she does...it's like fostering kittens, because she has to let them go--even if they didn't have other, more important relationships, where would she keep them all?

And maybe she's not as good at that as she thinks she is. "Remember, though, the fate of the universe probably doesn't rest on whether your jokes get a laugh."

 

I'm sorry, were you saying something new or are we looping again?

 

Miii! -pouts-

 

That's what they want you to think.
Who's they? No fucking clue but I also don't CARE BECAUSE I HAVE A ROMANCE TO SPEEDRUN!!!! TO THE MOVIE ADAPTATION RIGHTS WALL TAHT SEPERATES SPIDEY AND ME FROM EACHOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[He... poofs. Because he's honestly goign to run up and splat himself against the brickwall between different comic book movie adaptation universes until he can insert himself into the MCU proper. It might take a while.]

 

I'm sorry, I don't terribly feel like being mi-ed right now. I'm in the middle of quite a few conversations, after all! Is this-- [Vector summons a plate of fish--] an acceptable substitute?

 

That was a very boring come-back even from you.

 

Yes yes something something Time-induced nihilism blah blah horrible depression. I'm your nephew-son, not your court jester.

 

-mi tries to cinsider but...fish. There is a mi in the plate. a distracted mi-

 

You neglected to give me a court jester when you imprisoned me. Black holes are not terribly entertaining.

 

Oh, yes, definitely, that was the first thing on my mind just then, I 100% intentionally withheld entertainment from the world-devourer.

 

You say that like you and your siblings weren't petty enough to do something like that.

 

Oh, we absolutely were. It genuinely was an oversight, though, I only had a vague idea of what a jail was even supposed to be in the first place.

 

Well that was a thing that just happened.

Also, she's being morose and she needs to stop.

Lissa sits down and laughs till her sides ache.

 

"Good job, Alex. If he succeeds, it's your fault."

 

Alex snorts. "I never told him it was a good idea."