shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

...Did you make a planet?????

 

...not a planet, per se. Not directly. [Vector grins, a shifty little mischievous thing.]

 

-Quintus swings and darts around him in excitement- What did you make?? What did you make, can I see??

 

I made myself a whole new dimension! [He sounds entirely too excited about this.] Are you here for real or are you just dreaming? I can't pull your physical body through if it's just your spirit here, but a visit would be nice!

 

I'm just dreaming but I would love to visit!!! Tell me where to go and I'll remember when I wake up!!!! -he drapes all four arms around Vector's neck, blinking all six eyes up at him in what could maybe be an attempt at a flirt. He is not good at flirting-

 

[Vector tilts his head down to bonk gently against Quintus's horns.] Open a space bridge, any space bridge, and I'll come find you. Might take a little bit, Metroplex's network makes so much noise I'll have to actually pay attention, but we can make this work.

 

[Fade to black here they come. Transformer deities are the worst.]

 

-Quintus makes a soft purring noise of delight and lets Vector go- Vek, I am so pleased you're back!! I'll see you soon!!! -he flickers straight out of existence, presumably to go and open a space bridge-

 

Dipper smiles, a little more earnestly, and lets go of Valiska. "Murderplanet fuckball is a pretty good way of describing it, even if I don't normally swear." He sits down next to Dave. "I don't know why I try not to," he admits, "because nobody cares if I do except possibly Grunkle Stan. But." He takes a deep breath. "Three of my closest friends, including my spade, are from murderplanet fuckball. It hurt them a lot, more than Piedmont ever hurt me, I'm sure, even though they survived long enough to fall into our lives. And that's probably why I feel like a wimp complaining, even though Mabel and Paz say they're not going to judge me. Well, Lo is. That's kinda her job." He grins a little. "The one thing about an apocalypse is that the people you make friends with during it stick with you. All of us kids...we stay together, we even sleep in one room. I can't believe Ford and Valiska let us sometimes, but Ford said we've all been through shit, it's okay. There are kids I really do miss from the Falls. But we weren't this close. I didn't even actually like Robbie at all. But I still hope he survived."

 

Valiska watches Dipper and Dave, a little nervously, until she feels the familiar weight of Ford's arm on her shoulders.

She looks up at him.

 

"You know we're not bad parents, Lise, especially not when we've done it for such a short time. Kids need to hear things from someone closer to their age than ours sometimes, that's all. And Dave can speak better than we can to the part where he didn't have choices, like we did." Ford's voice is soft.

 

Valiska puts her hand up to his cheek. "Ford," she says, and her voice is gentler than her words: "It pisses me off when you and Stan talk like you had so many choices. I know it helps, no matter how guilty it makes you feel, to search for something like agency in the mess they made of your lives. But between the war, that school, that grant, the government, the foundation behind that grant, and the barbaric state of your society in your youth, it's pretty fucking hard for someone who didn't grow up in that toxic sludge not to see the tentacles in the background, quietly, painfully herding you both toward the Falls. There's a reason the Illuminati were called that. There was also a reason the Illuminati used a one-eyed triangle as their symbol."

 

ah shit should i be trying not to swear
dammit too late already
FUCK
ok lets just put that attempt away so no one has to see it or think about it
youre definitely not a wimp for complaining like in my experience sitting down and thinking about something enough to say that it sucked and that youre hurting takes a lot of guts
and if the literal apocalypse isnt worth complaining about what is

and like i personally dont share a room with more than one dude in large part because our sleeping habits are so mutually godawful wed make everyone else miserable but like if thats what yall need to feel safe im inclined to agree with ford in that respect
no offense but you dont really strike me as the kind of kid to take advantage of that at the earliest opportunity anyway

[dave glances over and holds his hands up]

look if im like jacking your mojo i can step off i dont mean to criticize peoples parenting skills
in fact im the LAST person to come from any sort of place to do that
im the motherfucker at the end of the race who knows hes done for so he just gives up and walks the rest of the way down the course

 

Dipper nods. "Don't worry about the swearing. Have you heard what comes out of Mama Cat's mouth? I actually love it. She looks so sweet. And really, she is. She just tells things like they are, which...I appreciate. Not just from her but also from you."

His actual dad was great at coding, but never that great at talking. His actual mom was great at talking, but mostly about herself. And Stan actually thought lying about things would protect them from the things he was lying about, for some reason. Ford and Valiska...well, it had been nice when Sev told him that he was allowed to ask them to make decisions for them, sometimes, because Ford in particular was bad at telling other people what to do, and it hadn't sunk into Valiska's head that they accepted her as family yet. But one thing he loved about the two of them, and always had, was their honesty.

 

Valiska smiles. "No, Dave, it's fine. Thanks. You're helping, and I think it might be good for you too, a little bit. Even if I was the best mom in the universe, I couldn't do everything. That's the first thing I learned from raising five-and-counting teenagers and having a house full of apocalypse refugees."

 

hahahaha holy shit that might be the first time i heard someone say i tell it like it is
i mean im capable of getting real but even then most people would describe me as telling it in the nastiest most winding possible way
anyway cool keeping the vulgarity on the dl isnt my forte as evidenced by the fact that my potty mouth is still spitting up toilet water
you said something about a spade a bit back? so are you doin quadrants then
i understand them pretty well but its a flavor im not fond of in my own cookin

man that sounds fucking wild if judging by what a shit i was as a teen is any metric
which it might not be since we basically played out lord of the flies but with girls and in space
plus im still a shit and not a teen so it might just be a dave thing
anyway thanks i know its still fuckin hard for me to like
get
people who aint been through the ringer
and that was only harder when i was younger and we first got to repopulated earth c
shit can be TOO normal sometimes yknow?

 

WOW I HAVE A LOT MORE EXPLAINING TO DO THAN JUST THE QUADRANT FLIPPING THING I GUESS
[.... is her hair white in patches?]

 

Dipper is about to say something about how anything close to normal just makes him nervous when he sees his kismesis and grins. "Yeah, we do quadrants, and here she is, my pitch bitch princess in the flesh." He looks up at Loreli warily. "Quadrant flipping? Did you and Kelly have another stupid fight? What's up with your hair, Lo? I know you're a little older than me but I didn't know I was dating a senior citizen."

 

[dave is not above furiously waggling his eyebrows. still a wagglin', he turns to @freshetWeaver and waves]

im so familiar with quadrant flip floppin i know the hands down uncontested king of quadrant smearing
sup your higness welcome to the party promise it wasnt too wild before you got here

 

GEEEE~EEZ NO. TROLL HAIR DOESN'T TURN WHITE WITH AGE, YOU NERDIOT. AND NO I MEANT THE FLIPPING WITH ME AND CHROMA.
UHHHHHH YEAH SO LIKE. TURNS OUT THAT WHATEVER MAKES LUSII DO THE LUSUS THING HAS LIKE A SUPER DUPER SLIM CHANCE OF INFECTING TROLLS SO UH. JAZZ... HANDS...?????