shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-NOISE OF EXTREME DERISION-

 

Greetings evildoers. Black Hat here with new merchandise. Buy it OR ELSE!

 

im like categorically a good guy my dude
and i mean i guess capitalism is the greatest evil of all but i definitely couldnt be described as an evildoer
im a dickhead at worst

 

*burt has been summoned*

*but, alas, he is dirt-poor*

*literally nothing he has ever done was remotely profitable and... who even uses money in the dreamspace, anyway?*

 

Slag, man, I might be a seeker but you don't gotta bow or nothing. Just another dead guy here, hanging out 'cos there's nothing better to do.

Evildoers? Yeeeeowch. You don't look like a 'Bot, but something about the way you talk has me looking for an Autobrand anyway.

 

You sound like Missy.
"Liver shop, heart shop, kidney shop
Head shop, body shop, world shop."

 

Well, I still need to uphold my standard. I may be away from my king, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't show respect.

 

Valiska gives this girl a dirty look. "Do you know Beijada Station? The Jalanenhal? Farrad'in-Jhalanei?" She shakes her head. "I was designed to break the cult. They made three copies of me because they were foolish enough to consider our blood-aspect and our drive for connection useful."

 

Then I have no business with you if you don't want any of my precious items.

Money is what makes the world go round. You could always work for me and get the profits. Although, you will have to deal with my imbecile scientist,
Flugg.

Oh please, I am way better than any bot. I'm more evil and dashing.

Hmmm, yes. This Missy would put up some competition, but I must get to know her.

 

-she's doing the 'careful lack of emotion' thing again- I take issue with the idea of engineering a person for a purpose. Probably has something to do with being handed a gun and a scalpel the minute I came out of the vat.

I'm sure you'd get along wonderfully. Missy gets along with everyone she doesn't eat.

 

"What an edgelord."

 

"I don't think any of us are particularly thrilled about it either. But you sounded like you were laughing at me." Valiska sighs.

 

alright then grouchypants
do you not interact with anyone that isnt looking to do business with you cause that sounds boring as fuck

 

If I were laughing at you there would be laughter.

 

Wonderful, I do hope she doesn't get scared easily.

I mostly try to avoid goody two shoes heroes. And I try to avoid people with a smaller intelligence than me. You don't seem good or dumb. Unlike Flugg.

 

-and here is the proof! Congrats Black Hat, you made the creepy kid emote and now she's laughing her ass off at you-

 

I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an offense.

 

Missy's a half-bionic vampire assassin. I don't think she's afraid of anything.

-is that a note of hero worship in her voice?-

 

im not a hero but im not like
bad
im more like vigilante justice but with way less violence and more prattling at people until they beg me to have mercy and take them to jail
so i guess maybe peaceful protests are a better allegory
im certainly not fuckin dumb though you got that right

 

Well, that certainly is something new.

Well, then, could I introduce you to a shrink ray that causes your victims to beg for even more mercy as you tower over them?