shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

...I have literally no idea who you're talking about, dude. Also, what's pumice?

 

Oh. Um. Pumice is a volcanic material. Like a glass, but with so many little gas bubbles that it can literally float on water. Very handy for abraiding things, too. My point being that she looks nearly identical to someone I know to be a nautical alt built so watertight that even in root mode you can literally throw him into a lake and he'll just gently bob on the surface.

 

Hmm. That would make sense.
People around here - Well, organic people, we don't have "natural" mechanoid species that I know of - didn't really research mobile strong-AI for practical purposes. Turns out running actual people takes a lot of power and often a lot of space so if they want automated hull maintenance or planetary vehicle autopilots they just stick to fancy calculators. So the few mobile-frame constructed people out there are mostly staying in labs and any ports they have need to be easily accessible for debugging purposes. That might change in the future but probably not any time soon from what I can find.

 

It's not like she gets a choice! You're really not helping right now, okay? Let's all just give her some space, okay~?

Spoiler: gif

 

An alt? I am unfamiliar with that term.

...Why would she not have the option of choice? I do not understand.

 

Ah. Gotcha. [Ignis pats the nearest bit of plating absently, still a little groggy.]

...gonna take "around here" to mean wherever you're from, not here-here, because, uh. [Ignis gestures vaguely at the entirely-mechanoid cuddlepile he's currently tangled in.] Take your point, though. And I mean, most ports are easily accessible? Diagnostic ports, anyway, even if most frametypes have them someplace unique.

 

Oh. The things we turn into. This [He gestures at the bits of him visible in the cuddlepuddle] is my root mode. This [He projects an image of his alt up for the other to see. It doesn't hurt him to say what his alt is, though of course his carrier mode makes it a touch more complicated but that's beside the point right now] is my alt. Going from one to the other looks like this [He lets the projection run through a transformation sequence. God being able to do this without moving is amazing]

[He pats Ignis back gently. Ok time to get comfy again]

 

Is it my turn to explain? I think it's my turn.

Our species-- [he gestures again to the cuddlepile, as well as Lacuna--] naturally has two configurations for any given individual. Some people don't like transforming, some people have more than two, blah blah variation in biology I'm not a scientist. One mode usually has legs-- bipedal's most common, at least on Cybertron-- [no he's not pouting at Lacuna, that would be immature, of course he's not--] but some people have more than two. Again, variation. The second mode can be... pretty much anything. Me and Updraft here are different kinds of jets, there's tanks, projectors, birds, all kinds of things. That second mode is called your "alternate mode," or "alt" for short. And it's... not something most people have the opportunity to change about themselves.

 

Lissa's wolf had begun to play bow back, and then suddenly there was a humanoid person in front of him. He didn't understand the words, but he was now even more thoroughly confused than before. He lifts his head and his tail as he rises out of play-stance, as if to say he's actually in charge here, and marches over to sit with Lissa and Ford. This is a weird place.

 

"You have nothing at all to be ashamed of whatsoever," says Ford with a shrug.

 

That...raises much more questions than it explains. I will hold off on asking them, for now. This does shed light on a crucial misconception of mine, however.

 

"Because there are a lot of societies where people don't," Lissa says flatly. "I was trained as an assassin as soon as I could put one foot in front of the other and stand on them both without using my hands. Do you know what happened when I got into a world where I could do whatever I wanted? I spend a lot of my time looking after children, growing roses and weed, helping out in my husband's lab, participating in my brother-in-law's shows, attending play parties and studying magick. I briefly terrorised the Gravity Falls PTA until we decided to homeschool, but I'd rather eat Purina Cat Chow than Helen's nasty scones and Helen's brats drove Jezebel nuts. Helen is lucky she never pissed me off enough to find out what they taught me to do as a kitling."

((h/t to @IvyLB whose joke I have totally stolen --cT))

 

I've got a long time and I'm in a good mood, if you ever decide you want to ask those questions.

 

I am a medic with a solid interest in xenobiology, so do ask away, though some of the more detailed may require diagrams. [Don't make him explain what a t-cog is or does to someone without one, that'll be no fun for anyone. Ok maybe it'll be fun for him, he likes explaining things]

 

I MEAN, ASHAMED ISN'T THE WORD I'D CHOOSE, NO, BUT IF I'M GOING TO SPOUT OFF ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S MATING TACKLE AND THEN TALK ABOUT MY 'PERSONAL LIFE,' I'D EXPECT SOME PEOPLE TO BE A LITTLE GROSSED OUT! NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO VISUALIZE WHAT *THIS* [he gestures broadly at himself] GETS UP TO WHEN THE CURTAINS ARE CLOSED, AND I'M NOT A PARTICULARLY HUGE FAN OF FORCING OTHER PEOPLE TO THINK ABOUT THAT. EVEN IF I'M NOT GOING INTO GREAT TMI DETAIL

 

*laughs* The Omega I know was made the same way - well, to the extent that anything about those AIs was intentional, considering that they were the result of taking the original me's mind and splitting it. That probably was why the Director ditched alphabetical order when it came to naming him. Someone that destructive just couldn't be an Epsilon, I guess...

 

-Canopy's back. Somewhere in the middle of everyone talking around and about her she'd wandered off, but she's back in the previous corner again, this time without any bottles of anything-

Gee, what gave away the whole 'same place and same job as good ol' Jetski' thing? Surely not the bit where we look super identical. Though I guess less now he's got his paint all prettied up like he's worth something.
-she sounds like she's trying to be bitter and insulting but not really succeeding at all-

 

Do you WANNA look different?

 

I want the world to start making sense. -she sounds petulant-

 

And what would that entail?