Out of context quotes thread

“My baby is more well-behaved than yours, Bartholomew. Just look at him. He has an eight-pack.”

 

A: I was just working in my vegetable garden and I found these scrolls--
B: --under a cabbage leaf!
C: Yeah, they came in the doctor's little black bag.

Spoiler: Context

Dinnertime conversation: Fairy tales --> Cupid and Psyche --> Apuleius --> folk tales vs. original fiction --> authors of original fiction who preface their stories with claims that they were told it by a stranger/friend or found it in someone's journal etc. etc. as a homage to the folk tale --> "So that's why Tolkien was like 'yeah I dug these manuscripts up--'"

 

"Let's become Canada!"

"Let's put a bunch of apples at the poles, because they wouldn't survive anywhere else."

 

"never meet your heroes because they might start talking about the taste of their mother's breastmilk."

 

"Do you have a camera so I can photo [cousin]'s accidental butterfly?"

 

She's more likely to be a sort of metaphysical dog park.