shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

is a they were already here joke tasteless
anyway thats the spooky thing about juggalo presidents
you can never be sure who done the election
its like magnets

well shit if that aint an answer alright alright
[the pizza unexists]

id offer to sample your culinary wares but i dont think my body could handle the strain

 

Lissa produces an extra-large Gluten-Free Meat Lover's Pizza With Extra Meat. "Try this. It's a pizza that is actually good."

 

"Thank you," says Valiska. And promptly disappears (effectively, anyway--she's still quite visible though) into the book.

 

[in an amused tone:] wow rude
were gonna have to have a pizzaoff thats the fucking finest my tastebuds have to offer
home grown in the beautiful land of my synapses
it is literally the pizza of my fantasies

 

"Who's going to be the judge?" Lissa shrugs. "We both think ours is best and yours would make me quite ill."

 

If I can drink tea in this place, then you can drink energon. Or eat rust balls.

-Libre does not really look any more convinced by this pizza. he takes a piece and nibbles then makes a face.- No offense but i think when it comes to organic cuisine, I will stick to tea.

-Libre looks amused. He knows how that is-

 

right on dude swhy i said its the fantasy of my tastebuds
im not sayin yours is bad but mines actually good too and at least it isnt my anchovy pineapple bbqsauce weaponized masterpiece
clearly only god can judge us
wheres karkat

but can my psyche handle it

 

Probably? Eneregon at least is just fuel. -he summons a tiny dave proportioned cube of energon-

 

[squints. probably can't see it but squints]

ill try it if you try something of mine
how does the sound of a big mac strike you
or shit
god i cannot think of a single thing i eat thats not garbage somehow i am a trash man
living in my garbage can
lo mein? chinese is kinda fancy right
i guess unless youre eating it at home in your underwear but thats special in its own way

 

I suppose that is fair. Let´s go with that last one.

 

hell yeah

[he summons a takeout box of lo mein with chopsticks that is the appropriate size for libby, and takes the tiny energon cube if it's being offered]

im ready
take me to dubious substance town lets DO it
im gonna eat the hell out of this
yeah
gonna chow the fuck down on this very square foodstuff
fuck yeah

 

Can't organics die of radiation? [Afterglow sounds... a little too amused at the goings-on.]

 

I'll judge you.

 

-Libby inspects it, then stabs a piece of something with a chopstick and eats it. He does not seem entirely sure what to think about it-

Well, outside of this space I can also die from organic food. What use is a dreamspace if you don´t try the otherwise impossible sometimes?
-he summons more tea.-

 

"Excellent!" Lissa hands her a plate with a slice on it. There is probably more meat on it than there should be, but the spicy arrabiata sauce is delicious, and the blend of cheeses stands up well to them both. The mixed grain/protein flour is very well balanced and the crust is not gooey or noticeably weird, without accidental nut chunks or whole cricket legs. After all, wheat and wheat by-products have been banned for years in the small town where Lissa's favourite pizza chain started out...

 

uh yeah probably but im like usda certified immortal
like even if i was gonna grow an extra leg and become more tumor than man id come back so its whatever

oh shit i was like entirely joking but alright
gotta defend my honor
my cholesterol needs me
[pizza un-unexists and is now human-sized. it's GOOD, but it's nothing really special. it's a pizza with a fuckload of toppings.]

[dave takes a drink (?) from the cube through a freshly-summoned curly straw. the straw does not help the flavor]

 

-Clover tries both, thinking deeply as she chews.-

Okay, I'm going to be honest here. I don't like the gluten-free crust. It's great bread, but I like the chewy stretch that gluten provides. But I also think gluten is like, poison to you, so that's not a very good metric. Still, Dave's pizza wins in the crust department.

Both of these pizzas are loaded, but I think Lissa's is balanced better. The quality of ingredients is better, and, importantly, they all work together well. Dave's is, eh... you kinda just piled stuff you liked on it, right?

So, uh.

Lissa's wins.

 

"Yeah, my species' guts aren't designed to handle much in the way of grain at all," says Lissa, nodding. "The gluten protein just adds insult to injury. Thanks though, I'm glad you liked the rest of it!"

 

fuck yeah i did i want a six inch snowdrift of toppings
schools cancelled for all the little crust boys and girls we got a bonafide snackalanche on our hands
i havent seen one like this since 1989

oh well at least i can wash the uh
intense
flavor of mech drink out of my mouth
with the rest of this masterpiece

[he starts eating his own slice]

 

"Try mine," says Lissa. "And...yours can't hurt me here, can it?"