shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT AS LIKELY TO FIND A PLANET THAT MURDERS. MAYBE MORE LIKELY, WHO KNOWS! ANYWAYS, I'VE BEEN ON EARTH FOR TWO SWEEPS NOW AND NOT *ONCE* HAVE I ENCOUNTERED A PLANT THAT SMELLED SO GOOD I POPPED A WIGGLY. HEAT IS MORE PLAUSIBLE, IN MY OPINION.

AND OUT OF THIS PAIR OF BLITHERING DIPSHITS, I'M THE ONLY MORON THAT'S ACTUALLY BEEN OFFPLANET, SO CLEARLY MY LITERARY OPINIONS ARE OBJECTIVELY CORRECT. [he's clearly not serious. well, his fanfic opinions are deadly fucking serious, but he doesn't care that much about niche kink preferences and what other people want]

 

"I'm sorry," Valiska says, softly. "That is rather the danger of acquiring power. I tell myself at least we damned few know that, but I still sometimes worry. I am glad Tainell will listen to me, and the Council of Queens, and my beloved first-consort...Stanford Pines, but not that one."

 

-grins. Victory!- Oh did you want to keep your head? -she´s not letting him up-

Hey. I´m Sitara. I do art, social justice, hacking, and nerd herding. Not necessarily in that order.

 

Ford snorts. As if.

 

Lissa laughs. "Honestly I think nerd herding is more or less exactly my life. But Carla's better at it than I am. Because I'm also one of the nerds." She thinks for a moment. "I should learn to code."

 

-snorts- You have a definite preference then? Do I even want to ask why there is more than one of him?

-grins. yesgood give him gossip instead of megatron.-

 

This sounds like a VERY long and convoluted story.
o_O

I am having a great-terrible time right now.
@_@

Buttbabies will NEVER make sense! FUCKPLANET is infinitely more plausible in the relevant setting than suddenly buttbabies!
>_<

 

Hey, same. You should, everyone should have some idea how code works. Especially if the internet is as big where you´re from as it is back on earth.

-smug- You could ask nicely, I might let go.

-rolls her eyes- Pervert.

 

IMPLYING MAMMAL REPRODUCTION MAKES *ANY* SENSE IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE IS PRETTY FUCKING RICH. WHY IS IT SUDDENLY A PROBLEM IF YOU SWITCH SOME OF THE RELEVANT ORIFICES AROUND? AT LEAST THE AUTHOR DOESN'T HAVE THE CHARACTERS HACKING THE OFFSPRING UP OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS OR LAUNCHING AN INFANT OUT OF THEIR AURICULAR SPONGECLOTS LIKE SOME SORT OF FETAL CANNON

 

Pretty pleeeeease?
;_;

Intestines remain a thing! You can't just make people NOT eat in yaoiland!
6_6

Also I have some great news about hentai for you.
^_~

 

I'M SURE EVOLUTION WILL FIND A WAY.

ANYWAY, HENTAI IS THE OOZING PIMPLE ON THE FACE OF THE MEDIA WORLD, AND THE LESS NEWS I HEAR ABOUT IT THE HAPPIER I'LL BE. MAYBE SOMETIME NEXT SWEEP I'LL ACTUALLY CRACK A SMILE

 

Valiska shrugs. "So you know about the multiverse, and alternate dimensions, right? There are actually four of him, and one of those is a pillow--I don't get it either--and one is married to his universe's version of our worst enemy, but he's nice, and mine is married to me and we are betrothed to a very lovely man called Severin, and then there's THAT guy. Who is married to my alternate self. Who is HER." She indicates Lissa.

 

"I am not sure because we're from a different earth. But it would be fun to be good at coding." Lissa smiles.

"Um, Wrench? What does going into season have to do with 'butt babies'? Only biological females go into season so far as I know; male rut doesn't work like an estrus cycle. And we give birth through our vaginas, like most mammals. Infective potential aside, intestines are a lot more delicate tissues, that hurts just thinking about."

 

"Because if a fetus was in your intestines, you wouldn't be able to shit for nine months," Ford snarks. "Just because it's fun to put your dick in someone's ass does not make conception possible there!"

 

-She shrugs.-

Ah well. I got mine.

 

MULTI-PURPOSE ORIFICE, DUH. LIKE, A Y SHAPE INTO THE BABY-POCKET TO KEEP IT NEATLY PARTITIONED AWAY FROM BODILY WASTE. I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS POSSIBLE! FRANKLY IT'S JUST ANOTHER DROP IN THE WEIRD-SOUP OF BIZARRE HUMAN BIOLOGY, IF I WERE TO ENCOUNTER THAT IN FICTION IT'D JUST BE LIKE 'EH, WHATEVER'. NOTHING YOU DO MAKES SENSE ANYWAY.

BUT IF I DIVE INTO SOMETHING AND IT'S EXPECTING ME TO BELIEVE THAT THE PLANTS ON AN ALIEN PLANET ARE *NOT ONLY* SOMEHOW COMPATIBLE WITH MY BIOLOGY, BUT ALSO MAKE ME EXPERIENCE UNCONTROLLABLE MATING FONDNESS? RIDICULOUS

 

"I think you're confusing 'human' with 'non-troll' there," says Ford. "There certainly are organic species that have other arrangements, but mammals really don't work that way." He smiles. "Also, there is a planet exactly like that in Dimension 69*‽, and I am very glad Valiska and I were alone together when we accidentally ended up there."

 

-lets him go- Good boy.

Fanfic is what it has to do. And the fact that people don´t like biology to get in the way of their porn.

 

-blinks- Not the answer I expected. I wonder if there´s any more of me out there. I hope not. Do all duplicated dislike each other?

Yes. But unless you´re planning on conquering the galaxy, I think you should be alright.

 

Naw, I don't have a toxic savior complex.