Giving someone an antidote for poison: providing a medicine that curtails or reverses the poison's effects. Giving someone an anecdote for poison: telling them how taking up yoga and doing juice cleanses totally solved all your problems when you got poisoned.
tfw there are only 4 fanfics for a given pairing on AO3, and even though none of them are very good you give them kudos anyway just for writing a rarepair. Spoiler: nsfw fic quote "Did you know that the average dwarven penis can grow up to half again its size in girth and length when engorged?" SO CAN THE AVERAGE HUMAN PENIS.
@Morven the fact was mentioned next to other facts about why dwarves are unique, sex-wise. so... yeah, the implication is that this is a unique dwarven trait. Spoiler: more nsfw fic quotes "Dwarf physiology is so interesting," John murmurs. He gives Merle's balls a gentle squeeze that elicits a shiver. "Did you know," he continues, "that dwarves are one of the only humanoid races without a refractory period?" (yes, it's John/Merle Adventure Zone smut.)
and those quotes are from the BETTER of the four fics. *weeps at the dearth of old man wizard yaois on ao3*
Spoiler: suicide I'm pretty certain a Potterverse witch would not kill herself by jumping in a river, even assuming Hermione Granger would ever under any circumstances want to kill herself, and if her friends found her while she was still alive and only just going under, they could easily just pull her out. If they were too far away to get to her in time, they could probably Summon her out! Honestly, I'm more annoyed by the insta-drown because the fic was based on the Emilie Autumn song "306" which actually includes the line "Where a girl, and this is funny/ Took her life but what she doesn't know/ Is how long it takes for the water to rise/ And the breath to stop fighting and the cold to close her eyes", which kind of implies it doesn't happen that fast, even if the writer couldn't be bothered to look it up.
Words like "theorised" and "seminal release" really don't work with pseudo-Viking barbarian hordes. Not quite as bad as Grignr's "will to necessitate his life" or whateverthefuck but it's still annoying. (I was also pretty sure "seminal" doesn't even mean to do with semen, but apparently that's the second definition on dictionary.com so I can't complain about that.)
That reminds me of a Lord of the Rings fic I read where a character was injured and the author was trying to be medically accurate in describing those injuries, which is a noble goal I guess but modern medical terms just don't sound right coming from Tolkien's Elves. (I remember "rotator cuff" seeming especially jarring to me. Just…just say he was wounded in the shoulder. It's okay.)
I'm thinking of the bit where Grignr rips a rat's head off in surgical detail right down to the hyoid bone.
This is probably unfounded because the fic is excellently written so far but it's ending in 2 chapters and they're nowhere near defeating Voldemort, what are you doing
Aw, what! I haven't been checking out Adventure Zone fic for a while cause I am perpetually behind, but I expected a hefty handful of Merle/John stuff! I swear to god this fandom keeps finding new and inventive ways to disappoint me.
Iiiiiiii was not expecting TAZ porn It's my own fault, I'm not blaming anyone or upset or anything, just, uh, startled
Update: they did not defeat Voldemort The fic was ridiculously open ended, no evil was defeated and there won't be a sequel This is now an absolutely well founded gripe how can you not have any kind of resolution whatsoever and then say there won't be a sequel Hell, my favourite thing in the world has an open ending too but at least they brought down the totalitarian government first!
You want to start your new fic with an author's note about how excited you are to write it and what the update schedule will be like and a little more rambling on the side? Fine. But don't upload that as the entire first motherfucking chapter. If you don't have anything written yet, DON'T POST IT. Another gripe (different fic): For fuck's sake, don't change your fic's summary to be a summary of the latest chapter. That's not what the summary is there for. God I hate the fact that this fandom is basically only present on fanfiction.net. Fucking hell.
