shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-concern chirp intensifies- But you have your mate now right? Is he your mate?

 

He is! He's the best mate anyone could ask for. -smug little clickchirp-

 

Or you could be a beastformer. -crosses her paws in front of her.- Roughly the same result, unless you wanted to be a spy or a pet.

 

Good! -approval chitter- shouldn´t be all alone, isn´t good!

 

-shruuuuugs, with all four arms- It was all right. Managed m'self, nobody botherin' me about things... or telling me I mustn't eat things... -mildly annoyed buzz-

 

Quite so. Would you care for some of whatever this purple nonsense is? I don't think it's something I ever got on Hedonia, which means it was likely from the shipside bar from... oh, forty thousand years ago or something like that. Can't remember the name of it.

 

-considers- Sure! Yer still alive so it prob´ly won´t kill me.
-sees own paw- frag I got another chip.

 

W'w'talkin'bout? *She is draped in jewelry what makes her even more gorgeous while carefully crafting an insert for a future taxidermy project. This one looks dog like! It's rather small (compared to her)*

 

-chitters- Some thing aren´t for eating! Like walls.

Everyone is always alone it´s terrible!

 

Functionism sucks slag.

 

I understand that we have a number of mechs on board who specialize in detailing. I'm sure any of them would be happy to help you when the medical staff on this ship work so hard.

[He sets down a bowl filled with Purple Nonsense.]

Cybertronian society under Functionism and all the various ways it fundementally failed to support its populace because of the excessively rigid and brutal class structure. I love the jewelry, it's gorgeous.

 

Yeah? Happens.

Duh, sure does.

Th'nk ya. Stole it off'a pretty bot. *Pats her shell cheerfully where there's a new, with its paint still on, plate wedged onto it* G'that too. Same fragger.

 

Ah, slapping scrap on yourself after removing it from someone else. A time-honored tradition. It looks very good on you, so you should be proud. Would you care for a Purple Nonsense?

[He lifts his drink. That's the name now, apparently.]

 

-considering click- Pretty sure I've eaten some walls in my time. -groomgroom the nonexistent mandibles-

 

Thanks! -sniffs and laps carefully- Nice stuff.
An´naw, s´not worth botherin´someones with. I´ll just give it a spot fix. Just anoyin, s´been happning so much.

I know, I know, sparks are bright, news at 11 cycles.

 

-Disapproving chirp- Need more swarms! Being alone is terrible!

But walls are needed!

 

Not if they've already fallen down?

 

Captain Swiftwing hasn't the sense of a newspark, but I think he wouldn't be bothered if you asked. Whisperwind in Comms too-- I've seen his work, it's quite good. Frankly, there just aren't enough people on the ship to justify detailing as a primary profession, so I imagine any of them might jump at a chance to stretch their creative muscles.

[He smiles, then sips at his drink.]

Not that you must, but it might chip less. There's only so much lacquer you can slap over it before you need to admit that a full job must be done. I've been there.

 

'Course *Subspaces her little project* Always up f's'm engex, m'always proud'a my accomplishments. Got s'm fragged up stories if y'wanna hear.

'S why'm an assassin. Hide in piles'a bodies.

Sure, b' I been alone f'a while. Not a fraggin' pro'lem. People'r nice tho, I guess.

 

What Pillage said. It's been a slaggin' long time since I've been even close to toeing the acceptable line for deviation from the dominant interpretation. I left Praxus to search for Pillage, and when I left they transformed my home into a shiny crater. I let myself mourn as much as I needed, then i took up arms and joined the Autobots. I haven't officially been a priest for four million years.

Well for starters none of us are humans in the first place.
[He rolls his optics.] But yes I do in fact expect people to be more humble and pious when that is their job. Just like I expect a professional weaponsmith's blasters to be better made than those of a layman.

Four Million Years is something like a third of our recorded history.
As for why there is more decepticons here... I assume that having Starscream ruling Cybertron and Soundwave's whatever the slag he's doing means they probably have more downtime. I don't begrudge them the break, they can't plot any nonsense while they're asleep atleast.

Hello light of my life.
[It's like a shell falls away from him and he's suddenly not seeming so grouchy, old and tired at all anymore. In fact he looks so silly and smitten with the cockroachformer that you would probably find a picture of this exact facial expression in the dictionary next to "lovestruck fool"]