shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Lissa snuggles in closer and begins to purr herself; Ford's scritching her ears and holding her, and the sound of the metal-catte purring is kind of contagious.

She grins at Pillage. Clearly he is also The Tiny One Who Runs The Whole Show. Good for him. Beacon needs it just as much as Ford does.

 

-grins- Watchit, I c´n still squ ye squishy!

 

Neaner neaner. -leeeeaaans over to boops the big-ass nose-

 

aw fuck there goes my vodka

 

[Jack floats up behind them and makes a face, arms crossed over his chest.]

All this cuddling is making me sick, it's boring. Somebody should get into a fight or something.

[He laughs.]

 

-surpised snort, and Sawbones gently squished Laverna under a paw.- Told ya!

 

Assassin catte sees what you're doing and flips you off. "Had enough violence, thanks," she says with a smug little grin, and goes back to purring.

 

Oh no!

Don't let go though. I think I'll fall. -she's giggling very hard. It's bad for keeping grip-

 

[Jack mock gasps, hand against his chest to emphasize his point.]

Had enough violence? There's always room for more!

 

"Maybe in your life," Ford grumbles, kissing the top of the purring catte's head. "This lady's been through more than enough."

 

Well that's just a pessimistic outlook, cupcake. Where's the fun in life without violence? Nonexistent, I tell you!

[Jack sighs dreamily.]

Spoiler: dark, graphic mention of violence

Without the feel of someone's skull crushing beneath your boot, I don't know how anyone could last a day.

 

-she shrinks down to a more reasonable height (but still tol) and leans in, grinning. She's got sharkmouth again- Are you volunteering?

 

Lissa's ear flicks. "If you want to talk to me it's going to have to be about something else, otherwise I'm going to use the rave magic mute button on you for the rest of eternity," she says lazily. "I used to kill people for a living but I never enjoyed it. At this point I basically have two choices. One is to pretend you don't exist and the other one is to use the Tempter's Cup and Mirror to show you how horribly empty you actually are. And you actually don't matter enough to me for me to be bothered with doing the aftercare. I want another baby--but I want a tiny one, thanks."

 

Ford kisses her soundly. "Are you actually learning to share your boundless heart with the people who actually care about you?"

 

does it count as violence if you just off me before the missus finds out for a real roarin corpse party or nah
cause you know im all about that sweet sweet sacrificial lamb bs
take me off the grill cause my ass needs served
or i guess is that offer still on the table before i waltz in like HEY WHO WANTS A CADAVER

 

Sure, I'd do it for ya, but unfortunately I'm not exactly corporeal at the moment.

[Whether or not she's actually asking if Jack is volunteering to do it to her, that's how he takes it, gesturing to himself in emphasis.]

[Jack cocks a brow.]

Okay, first, what the fuck is a tempter's cup and whatever, and second -

[His voice takes a fake teary tone, and he dramatically wipes away nonexistent tears.]

- I already know I'm an empty, broken man.

 

Ford laughs. "I think this guy is asking for your worst, Laverna, and if you didn't have a catte to play with right now yourself I'd suggest he deserves it. But not as much as you two deserve to keep on enjoying yourselves."

He glances sidewise at Jack. "Don't make fun of my lovely mistress, or she won't be the only one here putting you on ignore."

"If I were you I'd ignore his three-edgy-five-you bullshit."

 

[Jack pouts, laying sideways in the air to float in front of them.]

Aw, come on, cupcake, I wasn't making fun! 'Sides, what else am I supposed to do? It's... not like there's really much to do here, anyway.

[He looks less than pleased as he lets his eyes scan the room. Eugh. There's nobody here that'll put up with his shit for more than a few minutes, at most.]

 

Ford looks right at him. "Before I decide that you can not only not touch me here, you can also not impinge upon my awareness in any way, let me explain something to you. You can't harm anyone here. You can't do anything to anyone here that they don't want you to do. You can't even make people see or hear you if they find your presence sufficiently odious. So if you can only have fun making other people suffer, this won't be a fun place for you to spend time."

 

If you want a little recreational corpse time who am I to deny? -her tone is ironic and sweet, but not the usual 'gleefully suffocating you with honey'. Halfway genuine if you tilt your head and squint- But only if you think the game is worth it.

You are currently made of information, and I am Queen of Secrets. -she reaches out with a long, long claw to tap his present form. If she makes contact, it'll temporarily corrupt, something like an acid burn. She's just teasing, though. She won't destroy anyone here, even if he didn't resist. She's trying to get away from work.