shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"You could just decide not to have that hangover," Ford points out. "Unless it's your true will and then I guess you're stuck!"

 

It cured Overcharge sideeffects!

 

Yeah, sure, but it's not like the people or the cats are very important. I say we get rid of all the problem makers down on Pandora before they blow up the world trying to get their hands on weapons they don't understand.

And I know I'm the hero. Everyone but idiots and babys know it. No, even babys know it. I don't have to convince anyone.

[Jack pulls himself back up to his full height, scoffing.]

Ghost? I'm not a fucking ghost. I'm Handsome goddamn Jack.

[Un-ironic title drop.]

 

True, I s´ppose. -makes a face- Ok, tha´s better. -rubs paws over her facel ike a cat grooming-

 

Oh, and now we've got to the "people aren't important" bit! What a surprise. Who's got the bets on how long this would take, I know someone made some. Any winners? Anyone?

And Jack you might be, Jackie, but handsome you ain't.

 

"People" aren't important. "People" are stupid, and reckless, and they kill and betray and ruin any good thing there is in this world. Those bandits would kill their own lover just to make a quick buck - so why the hell should I live up to any other standard?

[His face darkens, and his mood shifts from 'I'm angry and this conversation is stupid' to 'I want to shoot something'.]

Jackie isn't my fucking name, you overgrown Claptrap unit. And you've just got no fucking taste - not unexpected from a robot, but hey, you can dream. At least I don't look like someone's nightmare fueld, drunken school project.

 

"They're bad, so I'm gonna be just as bad"? Aaaahhh, a youngling after my own spark! Heroes do tend to the Good corner of the scale, though, by definition! And murder is murder even if you don't like the chap on the other end of your weapon.

[Mala leans right down into Jack's face, chuckling.] Never said it was, Jackie. But "nightmare-fueled drunken project" is about right, good optics on you! Not so much "school," but, well, schools didn't exist yet, can't blame daddy dearest for making things up as he went along. Creator deities and all that.

 

When you're making the rules, murder doesn't have to be bad. And it's not like I really had any options - me or the bandit, they'd have killed me if they got the chance. Did kill me. But don't take that the wrong way, kiddo, I like killing. I just so happens that I can justify it, too.

[Jack kind of deflates a little, but his face is still twisted up in distaste.]

Who're you calling youngling? I'm in my thirties.

And, see, I'm getting a feeling you're from somewhere I'm not entirely familiar with. What the hell is a creator deity?

 

See, "I like killing"'s a perfectly fine reason. So's self-defense! But don't make it out to be all noble like. You're a murderer like a fair few others, welcome to the club!

Thirties? Thirty-- what are you, were you, human? Look human. Mix, maybe. So say thirty years, maybe thirty decades? [Amalgamous is cackling again.] Come back in a few billion, then we'll talk age.

Deity? Religion-type sort of thing, usually? Well, that's not accurate, sometimes people just worship general things... Big guy what makes matter appear outta nowhere? First-- eh, part of the first thing to exist in our universe? He got pissy and made a bunch of us to go kill his brother for 'im. Din't work out too well, but, well, what do you expect?

 

Oh my. This is just precious. Do you think you´re mean little squishy? Do you think you´re nasty and we should all tremble before you?

 

[Amalgamous is now shriek-giggling. And has also forgotten to only have one vocalizer.] Hello, brother dearest!!!!

 

Mala. You look the same as ever. Which is to say entirely different.

 

I may be a murderer, but that doesn't mean I'm not the hero.

Yeah I'm human. Or -

[Jack squints his eyes, making a face.]

- yeah, no, I'm human. I just don't have a body. At the moment. Well I do, he's just not around right now. And it's not like, my own body. I'm sharing it. I know what a deity is, I've just never heard of your specific brand of jesus.

[Jack smirks.]

Cupcake, if I wasn't in this pacifistic hell hole I'd hop into your systems and make you shoot yourself for me. I never asked for you to tremble, but just because I'm 'squishy' doesn't mean I'm not a threat. Though, I don't think I'd actually kill you. You two are giving me wonderful ideas for new bot designs when I get back to Hyperion.

Or, at least one of you.

[He eyes Amalgamous, distaste written on his face.]

 

-roaring laughter- YOU think you can kill a prime? I have caused my siblings to go to war against one another human, I could grind your essence into nothingness without even trying.

 

[Jack laughs.]

How do'ya plan going about that, kiddo? You can't touch me. You wouldn't be able to see me if I wasn't in whatever the fuck this place is called. How, exactly, would you "grind my essence into nothingness without even trying"?

 

Find me in a place that does not make you invincible and I will show you. -grins, baring his teeth-

 

Awwwww, you noticed? [How is an amorphous pile of parts batting eyelashes. How. Mala are those even your eyelashes?]

Ah, sharing! We've done sharing sometimes! Great fun. Yes, yes, direct descendant of Primus, tool of vengeance against the Unmaker, blessed guardian of one-thirteenth of mortal Cybertronians until we fragged that up, Changer Eternal, all that mess.

[Cackling. You're not worth words anymore, Jack, just laughter.]

Oooooooooh, are we having an edge-off? Let's have an edge-off! I'll go first!

 

You wanted me to didn´t you?

Shut up Mala! -he punches Amalgamous.-

 

[Jack rolls his eyes.]

Mmm, yeah, I've tried death once already. Didn't stick.

More fun for me than it is for him.

[Jack cackles. He ignores the others laughter entirely.]

 

[How can you drink energon infusions disapprovingly? she sure manages. The thirteen remain sort of tiresome even if she still kind of wishes she could come and safe all of them. That would upset her bondmates though. but she wants to so badly.]