shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"I have no idea what you are discussing with Mister Loves the Sound of Broken Crania in the Morning," Lissa says, "because I tuned him out. But I think maybe you are a softie. And don't let anyone tell you that that's not okay. And as for whether you should have broken Tucker's nose, that depends on her. Some women think it makes them look weak, letting a man defend them. But Ford's better at beating people up without killing them than I am, so I am inclined to let him be the one to do that. Division of labour based on talent and inclination and so on."

 

*sighs* Yeah.

... we're having a strangely civil discussion, actually. Apparently what the dude needs is just someone who doesn't believe he's gonna turn good and who is not trying to make him good either.

And heh. Yeah. I guess.

... I figure Tex is the type who wouldn't wanna look weak, so... I guess not breaking Tucker's nose was the right thing to do after all. I guess I won by... doing nothing. *grins* Guess I have to tell Grif he's figured out life, the universe and everything now. That doing nothing can, indeed, be a winning strategy.

 

Solution - make yourself numb to anyone but yourself, so when shit like that happens, you won't give a flying fuck. It's easy. Or I mean, easy for me. Don't know about you, being a softie and all.

 

Yeeaaah. Okay. That's not happening. It might hurt less if it could, but... I'm the type of dude who, when his wife dies, ends up copying himself and having the copy of him spit out a copy - well, a memory - of her, and repeats the same shit with the copies, over and over again. Or well... as many times as ended up being possible, before I realized that it just wasn't working for anyone... Yeah. It was weird. And pretty much the opposite of what you were advising.

 

Yikes, cupcake. That's some deep level avoidance shit right there.

At any rate, at least you can admit it. It'd be a real bitch if you were just, I dunno, bottling it up for years. I'd say sorry and give you sympathy, but I don't really care enough to.

'Sides, you can always do it later. Or drink or fuck away your problems. That works too.

[Jack shrugs.]

Then again you being a ghost or whatever kind of puts a damper on that. Speaking of, that's another reason for me to get a body back, damn. Gotta remember all the shit I'm missing out on for when I do get it back. I've got a lot of catching up to do.

 

Yeah. Yeah. It was some fucked up shit.

An AI. An AI that's dead now. I have no idea what the fuck that is. A ghost, I guess, which means the Alpha got to be right after all. Or no, no... I don't think being dead now would make me a ghost in the past, that would just be fucking stupid, so nope. Alpha still was wrong.

... but I get the feeling that in here, being dead doesn't make drinking or fucking away your problems impossible. Since it's kinda a free-for-all in here, you know... Anyone can do anything they want, can make the impossible happen, as long as no one's will is fighting theirs. So if I want to pretend that I have sensation, pretend I'm alive, I can. Nice. It doesn't solve any of my other problems, but... nice.

 

[Jack's mood seems to shift at 'an AI', but he doesn't seem upset until Church is done talking. Jack's eyes widen and he get's kind of pale - for... a holographic blue thing.]

Wait wait, hold on. You're telling me I can do whatever the fuck I want in here so long as it doesn't go against anyone's 'will'? I could have my body back right here, right now, if I wanted it? So long as I stayed in here?

Can... can it bring people in here, with me, or do they have to come here on their own? Since, will, and all that. Not saying I want to, of course, but - just for future reference.

 

*church notices but just assumes it's some weird reaction to excitement or something*

Yeah. I am. It's how this place seems to work, anyway. But I'm no expert. All I know is what I've seen and what other people've bothered to tell me.

So, I dunno if you can bring other people over. I haven't tried it myself yet and I'm not sure if I should. Not much help, I know...

 

Well hot damn. That sure is a development. What the fuck is this place? There's no way any of this is real, if I can just do whatever I want. Maybe it's... some weird ass weapon out of a Vault, or something. I don't know. At any rate, something strong's got to be having this work. How have I not known about this before? I mean, sure, I'm missing a few memories, but it's not like - I highly doubt I found this place before. This I would remember.

[Jack deflates a little, but it's hard to notice through his laughter.]

Well, it's lucky there's no one I wanted in here. I can always try if I get bored, though.

 

"Don't take advice from him." Ford looks up. "I understand about needing someone, but...there are only so many times you can copy something--even something simple--without changing that thing in new and unexpected ways. You can't really copy a person. Lissa was intended to be a copy of Valiska, and there are a lot of similarities between them, but they're very different people. A copy of you and a copy of your wife might not get along at all. The guy in red and I, we're not copies--we're from alternate universes. I can't imagine Lissa with him, or Valiska with me. Can you?"

 

I'm not taking his fucking advice. And... I think you're kinda confused about what his advice even is. I mean, seriously, were you even actually listening or...?

Anyway, here's how it went:

Me and Jack were talking about... well, Jack was saying that love was shit, I told him it wasn't shit, he disagreed, and eventually... well, he suggested that I try numbing my feelings entirely and not give a fuck about anything. And so I went and explained the kind of guy I am, how impossible it fucking is for me to shut down my feelings and just stop caring. And then you were like, "hey, Church, don't take his advice, copying is doomed to failure," and I was like, "what the fuck, dude? Were you even listening to the entire conversation?" And here we are. Ta-fucking-da!

Need me to run through that again or was once enough, smart guy?

 

A point of note: some drugs can be good. But organic neurochemical transmitters are vastly different from the way our brain modules transmit signals, so our experiences with drugs, poisons, medications, and other chemically-based mind and body altering substances are drastically different. Many circuit-boosters are barely chemical at all, most of a highly magnetic edible that fundamentally alters the electromagnetic field, though Syk has a chemical component to it that causes some of the more... violent sideffects.

And these are literally-- and I do mean to emphasize the absolute literal nature of this, not figurative-- these are literally drugs that are designed to melt your brain module out, because the lightshow you get as it leaks out your optics is pretty enough to get you coming back for more. While it certainly makes many people feel better fleetingly between the crushing lows of having your brain module melting out of your optics, so does cannibalism, which is generally considered distasteful for most organic species that I've met.

Our bodies are not built like organic bodies, and even organics have certain poisons that must be fundamentally altered before they are anything other than 'bad'.

[He realizes that he might have gotten a little too invested in that. Burlesque suddenly has a much frillier drink that he can hide behind.]

 

´Lo purveyor a delicious processor aches.

 

[Oh good, something else to focus on. He smiles thinly.]

And good evening to you, Sawbones. Would you care for another, or are you being nicer to yourself this time?

 

-suspicious squint- Depends ´m I gonna wake up with a new paintjob an´no idea how I got it, or am I just gonna be ´charged?

 

[His smile warms.]

Possibly the latter, likely the former.

 

I think I´ll stick ta circuit´fusion then. Want some? S´frozen though.

 

I would, thank you.

 

-Makes another slightly frozen cube appear- Not th´most healthy thing after overcharge, but most satisfyin´.

 

[He sips at it very carefully, still holding his obscenely large and elaborate cocktail in the other hand.]

I don't usually drink infusions, but when it's frozen, I think I'll make an exception.