shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[He chitters apologetically anyway.]

<The leader of the colony! The one in charge of making us bigger! The queen will hand pick their mates, and from then on the mates will bring in their close companions into the colony!> [Hive bounces.] <My queen is amazing and perfect and great at being queen!!>

 

Oh, no no no, internals are only good for getting in if I want to break things, but I think I'll stay here for a bit!

[Mala is cackling again.] You may never know, Jackie! Wonderful, innit?

 

-Sawbones is on her paws with her back arched, tail in poking position. Catte has been startled- That was Huge. an´loud.

 

[Your colony must be different from a swarm. swarms don´t have a single leader]

 

[He resets his vox and takes the data pads, neatly filing them into a new section.]

Yes, it was a gruesome affair. It happened after I'd left organic space, but I still feel some sort of responsibility. They might not have been targeted, if it weren't for us. But I would appreciate the archaeological account as well-- it's not quite my wheelhouse, but I like to know as much as I can.

Yes, quite. There should be a notation at the beginning of every account that gives the estimated date that the species achieved space travel and their relative population, so you'll be able to tell which ones are current and which ones are not.

 

War happens!! Fighting happens!! But... fighting just to die? Why? Fight for food, for space, for making standards stop being cruel. For... not just to die, anyway!! [Thunders grooms his own face anxiously, clickclickclicking all the while.]

<How is he doing?? You two have been gone for so long!!!!>

<Mate-Speaker-person!!!>

<They are!! Much much smaller too, which is why I'm confused about him saying their colonies get too big??>

 

[dave smiles a little bit and watches, taking extra care not to squish the mi or the blueberry monster. he might be hovering juuust slightly off the ground, if one were to look closely]

this quest is noble as hell
can a knight knight someone
i guess if that knight is also god they can do whatever they want
youre sir mi now
takes bravery to hunt down a foe powerful as that one

course it isnt i know how to fucking live my man

 

[Jack stops his ramblings momentarily to give Burlesque a look.]

Seriously? Right, right - I keep forgetting you people aren't from the same place I am. Though how you don't know what a Vault is is - just, what?

A Vault is a cache of untold power. Inside them houses ancient alien weapons that can be used to turn the tides of wars, change history - also make a shit ton of money. If you find a Vault? You're set for life. That is, if you don't get betrayed and murdered trying.

I sure as shit know what I'd fucking like to do!

[Jack growls, but stars when a bottle of booze appears out of nowhere beside him. He blinks, pointing to it.]

The fuck?

Spoiler: dark, mentions of graphic violence

I'd rather have to pull glass out of my eyes for three days than have to say here forever.

 

-growls, sighs- I won´t force you to do anything, scraplet. I apologize for what harm my actions have caused you and I request that you leave me be.

-deep sigh. This is why he doesn´t do other mechs-

Would you mind picking a spot to put most of you at least?
-Mala cuddling is looking like a great activity right about now-

 

Other people have managed that. They surely will do so in the future too. If you do not want us to come and check in on you that is fair too. You can just say that instead.

[She rests a supportive hand on Rage's shoulder, just being there for him, sending reassurance over the link. She's right there and if he needs her to she will beat up a Prime without even thinking about it twice.]

[She narrows her optic band at him in warning. Be nice to her babies, Megatronus or she's gonna make you regret things.]

 

"We've been married for over twenty years. Of course we finish each other's sentences." Ford sighs. "But you will be polite to her while she is offering to help you, particularly since you're the one who hurt her feelings before and asked for her to talk to you anyway. Do you understand that?"

 

Mi!! -the mi fluffs himself up a little with pride. It pounces on the blueberry monster and there is vicious fighting. Finally the mi has won, but now it is once again very mauve- Pirrrpirrpirrr. -pounce on daves shoe, leave blueberry juice pawprints forever-

 

เ ฬครภ'Շ Շคɭкเภﻮ ค๒๏ยՇ ๓є. คร ץ๏ย ฬเรђ, ђ๏ฬєשєг.
-is there the tiniest, weeniest bit of sarcasm in his usually incredibly flat affect?-

Spoiler

I wasn't talking about me. As you wish, however.

-he leans into Armory's hand, with a faint click of recognition and affection-

 

Spoiler: MALA NO

That can be arranged! [Another fangy grin, this one stretched wider than it strictly should be if they want to keep enveloping their brother.]

Most of me is in a spot! You're the spot!

 

[-Interested chlicking!- Maybe they need a bigger hive! Bigger nest?]

 

Yes, I would think so [His wings sink down low. He doesn't know any details and he sure as Pits won't ask Iridium for any but there is only so much wiggleroom in the word 'genocide' and his mind fills the blanks too well with what he'd already read about the war and his experiences with the first organic sentients]

[He also summons up the data on the extinct species, including a holographic projection of what they looked like. Rather birdy, really, if the wings had developed back towards arms] That would be them. They were already embroiled in a conflict when I arrived on the planet, there were some biological weapons involved. I don't think they ever achieved space travel, actually.

 

<Yes, yes, it's different! I've not run into a swarm before, I don't think...>

[Hivebite seems caught up in thought for a moment and eventually just ignores the war talk. Not anything against Thungerwing, but it's hard for him to think about it very much.] <He is very good!! Strong and brilliant as always!! Yes, I have. Been busy tracking down vermin and defectors like @Fleetwing .>

<They don't often get too big! But sometimes the mates bring in too many friends, or the queen gets... overexcited and has too many mates. Sometimes two queens will pop up and cause conflict of power. It's... not a pretty sight.>

 

... so, I guess that proves me right about this place... about the very few things I know about this place...

*church isn't 100% sure that ford is remembering it all properly but... he figures he might as well be nice anyway*

*ford wasn't wrong about the "being mean to lissa" part happening, he knew that for sure*

*and the death cult bit was pretty heavy and meant that lissa wasn't actually trying to patronize him before about taking jack's advice*

*nods*

Oh. Okay.

Sorry.

How 'bout you fucking not?

 

[Jack makes a face.]

Already tried it. Or, whatever, something close to it at least. Not my cup of tea, thanks.

[Jack shrugs and moves to grab it, but his hand just phases through it. He makes a face. Of course, he could try and make himself physical again but... he's not really sure he want's to know what'll happen if it doesn't work. Instead he laughs and reclines in the air next to Church.]

Aww, cupcake, you really are a big 'ol softy, ain't ya'?