shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[dave makes some barely-visible puppy dog eyes and sticks out his bottom lip]

could it be
trouble in paradise

 

Could it be.

Not your fucking business?

 

Actually, no. I just died from unrelated circumstances.

[Jack shrugs. Can't win 'em all.]

[Jack howls with laughter, slapping his leg.]

You shoulda' seen your face, Timmy - you were so scared!

[Jack grins and hums. This should be fun.]

Spoiler: dark

[If Jack knew he could, he just might have stabbed him. He knows he would if asked to.]

[Jack slides back to him, arm once again around his shoulder.]

Aww, don't get all prickly, sweetheart. There's enough Jack to go around! And I never said he could do anything for me.

[He hums and drops his head to Church's shoulder.]

Kinda cute, getting jealous. But don't worry, Jack has so much time for you.

 

EVERY SECOND I SPEND WITHIN FIFTY FEET OF YOU IS AGONY. DEATH WOULD BE A GIFT

[karkat leans over and kisses dave--it's very chaste, but he still holds his hand up in front of his face like that would give them any more privacy]

 

"Chill out, dude. I don't want him. I'm finally dating a girl I've wanted to date since I was twelve," says Mason, shaking his head. "If we all survive the invasion I'm even going to go to Reed with her next year."

 

Ah, young love.

 

... why were you flirting with him, then? I mean, if I'm right here and you don't even want him, why would you? What's the appeal?

I really don't get it.

Thank fucking God.

 

fuck dude yaint even been dating for a whole day and im not trying to fucking wreck shop
just making conversation man
callin it like i see it no malicious intent

[yesss good boyfriend kisses, dave moves closer and--]

[--and they both make room for jesus, scooting like they've been burned]

 

Making conversation about my-Jack hitting on someone else. Jesus, you're worse than Caboose with his fucking "why buy the cow if you can get milk for free?" shit.

 

Just who I am. Though, I don't cheat. Just gonna make that clear right here and now. Flirting is something I do with everyone, though usually only if I think it's worth it. But if I'm in a committed relationship I ain't going to bring in others unless I've been given a green light. I do have standards.

[Jack cackles.]

Don't stop on my account, cupcake. Keep on enjoying yourselves - I ain't judging.

[Jack smiles and cocks an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. Yet.]

 

*sigh of relief*

That's good to know.

*wait wait wait there is a loophole*

*goddammit loopholes*

*gotta close that shit down tight before anymore flirting happens*

... hey, wait a second, are we a committed relationship? Us? Church and Jack? Jack and Church? You know?

 

"People actually still say that? Ugh, that's so rude and patriarchal and gross." Gwendolyn sits down next to Mason and slings an arm around his shoulders, which is not as easy as it used to be when they were just friends. "I don't think I'm ever going to get used to you being taller than me."

 

"I see what Karkat means about infatuation. Nobody gets into a committed relationship that fast."

 

Yeah. I was telling Tucker about my ex, and then Caboose was like, "my dad always says, 'why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?'" I get the feeling that he was trying to just fit in with us guys, and didn't really understand the social situation well enough to get that it would just piss me off. He has difficulties with stuff like that. And other stuff, but yeah... people do still say that.

 

"Caboose sounds like a sexist jerk," says Gwendolyn, shaking her head.

 

[Jack smiles.]

Well, I mean, if you're asking, I'm not saying no. But, I'm gonna need you to spell it out, sweetheart. I'm not as sharp as I used to be.

[He pointedly does not think about his weird ass mixed feelings for someone else right now, obviously. They're not in here. And it's not like he made any commitment to them, either. Besides, if he doubts he'll ever have to deal with that. Right now he's got a rather sweet looking someone right in front of him to worry about.]

[Jack laughs.]

Speak for yourself! You should'a seen me and -

[He cuts himself off. Mmm, yeah. Nope. Not going down that road.]

 

Correction: his dad's the sexist jerk.

... if Caboose wanders into this place again, you'll get what I mean. He is kinda self-explanatory, once you get to know him.

Yeah. I'm asking. If we could be... boyfriends? You know?

 

Sure, sweetheart, no problem.

[Jack is practically purring with satisfaction. Then he lets out a laugh as he thinks of something funny. Or, funny to him, at least.]

Ghost boyfriends!

 

*grins*

*church is, luckily, just as much of a dork*

Yeah! Best afterlife of all time!

 

Guess this place isn't as much of a hell pit as I thought it was.

[Jack's laughing like an idiot.]