[NSFW] Let's Homestuck some Hentai - Kids + Alpha Trolls Edition

Yeah, it surprised me too! Especially because the first day was pretty benign, and then suddenly NON STOP ORGIES EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME, and I thought I did something wrong (or horribly right) because Rue's game didn't seem THIS raunchy aside from VrisFef and DirkHal.

C-CAN I DO THAT? I thought as soon as I would speak to him as Jade it would be Murder Time, but if this is a possibility, I would say we're gonna play as Jade tomorrow! Maybe we can even try to get some kind of poly threeway relationship going, so Kurloz gets the whole Harleybert package while they ride the clown carousel together and no one dies.

Jade must yiff on at any costs!

 

There's still a chance he'll try to murder you, but that's not usually during the first time period. If you see him walking slowly towards you, RUN. Don't let yourself get trapped! Also you'll have a hell of a time seducing him since he's got some serious hate for you.

Of course, you could ALSO play as Kurloz and befriend Jade from his side, and that would probably do the trick. It'd be less interesting, though. >:3

 

I just read through this one and I couldn't help but notice:

Hussie gets beat up by Jade and Jane for being in the girls locker room and then:

They both view him as an ideal teacher.

Later...

Meenah slaps Hussie for being in the girl's showers and then:

Meenah views him as an ideal teacher.

Aparently what it takes to be an ideal teacher is to barge in on naked/half naked girls!

 

I am on team save Jade! Kurloz cannot win here! She must live!

 

Got it, thank you so much! At first I considered playing John to try and convince Kurloz of Jade's awesomeness, because you can spread good rumors about other characters, right? Basically have John tell Kurloz how great Jade is.
...buuuuut in hindsight, that would have probably backfired. Having his boyfriend go on and on about how lovely and amazing this other person is would have most likely ended up making things even WORSE. Maybe try to alternate between gushing about Jade and giving him blowjobs?
Anyway, THIS IS A LOT TRICKIER THAN I THOUGHT! I made Kurloz sort of mysterious and difficult to get to know, so he isn't really open to small talk much. The only thing that seems to be working somewhat is to grumble a lot, which is apparently talking negatively about yourself (which he enthusiastically agrees with.) Anyway, I ran into another problem:



At least we survived the day, though we skipped two classes. John doesn't want anything to do with Kurloz anymore, so that would be hard to fix. I thought John could have at least tried to distract Kurloz with constant sex in a last ditch effort, but that's out now too D: John has the lucky trait though, so if we as Jade can try to dodge Kurloz and he gets John instead, there is the chance that John survives. Should I try that?

You know, considering what goes on most of the time in the school hallways, I can actually almost see the logic behind this. To be the ideal teacher in that environment, you probably have to be at least a little bit perverted.

 

You can try that, yeah! As long as Kurloz isn't also lucky, there's a good chance John'll survive. Of course, if you play AS John, the reservations he has when he's NPC'd go out the window and he's basically your puppet to command. So you could play as John and fuck the murder right out of him, assuming Kurloz is down for it.

 

Just be careful, last time I saw the phrase "I'm gonna fuck the crazy out of them," put into play, my Pathfinder co-player rolled horribly and ended up with eldritch crotch rot.

Therefore of course my advice is DO IT! DOOO IIIIIT! MAXIMUM CHAOS!!

 

MAXIMUM CHAOS!!!!

 

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, I had the brilliant Idea to walk around after school was out because I was sure Kurloz would wait until tomorrow at least - then I accidentally ran into him.




DAMN THOUGH THAT WAS TERRIFYING D8 (Yeah, he killed us right there.)

Okay, let's try it again, this time as John!

 

Honestly, death by yandere is the best reason to play this game.

 

~poor unfortunate souls~

 

Kurloz doesn't have the "lucky" trait! I think I only gave it to Aranea and John.

Alas, I tried my best to calm down the clown, but the "I'll get you" status never went away, even after his disposition towards Jade seemed to have improved! Also, for some reason, we often ended up with Jade hating us as well, so I tried my best to kind of juggle relationships with both of them, like always get Kurloz to follow me to one of the boy's locker rooms or bathrooms, and keep Jade away from him. Then one time:


HELL YEAH! Skipping together means we're safe! Apparently we went to the infirmary and fell asleep, and then Jade wakes John up in a... special way:

Spoiler: This is a porn game, so you can probably guess how.

Oh right. For a moment I forgot this is an H-game, and not a horror one (those sound effects though, oh my god, why does seemingly all hentai use that pasta stirring sound D:)



So I play around a little to see what does what when suddenly, someone barges in:




HOLY SHIT, HOW DID HE FIND US? Fuck Jade, looks like you're gonna die with ya titty out, I'm sorry ):



Or... not? Of course, I clicked "can't choose!", and both of them acted kind of grumpy. Jade ran out, and John gave Kurloz a lot of kisses and hugs and handjobs to calm him down. Back at the statue, it seems that both of them are still in love with John, but Jade is still flagged for death. At one point I googled around, but it seems once they're in murder mode, there's no changing that? Did you ever successfully manage to calm a yandere from murder mode, @Ruevian? Because if yes, I'm gonna keep trying. If not, I suppose we have no choice but to try to make Kurloz hate us as John after all, so he will go after him and hopefully John will survive.

 

Yeah, I definitely have succeeded in calming down yanderes and making the looming spectre of death go away. :oa

If you really want to save them, you can turn off "violent actions" in the config > additional options settings while you try to get on the murder clown's good side. So he won't be able to murderize ya!

 

Funnily enough, I've actually seen Ursula!Kurloz around in Ariel!Cronus AUs, and he's terrifying (and kinda hot)!

*gasp* You yandere whisperer, you! No no, if it's possible, I'm definitely gonna keep trying! As long as I only have to worry about one person on Kurloz' murder list, it's all good! From all the stuff I found online it just seemed like it wasn't possible.

BUT THAT'S FOR WEENIES >:C

 

whisper sweet nothings to the yandere puni, we know you can do it!

 

Yandere Whisperer is a tough job, but you can do it!

 

OH BOY OH BOY!
The next day already started pretty great with Hussie sucking Cronus' dick [Cronus Stan Voice] like he fucking should!


We then tried our best to dodge (doge?) John's smooch attacks, and talked to Kurloz about some lighthearted things while always keeping an eye on him.
The next day as John. we did the whole blowjobs + talking about how cool Jade is dealio with Kurloz, and it took a while, but at one point... he actually agreed that's she's pretty cool?
Could... could it be?

Let's check the statue:

Spoiler: Of course John celebrated with Jade appropriately:

Doggy style.

Then I checked just how much we banged to stay in Kurloz favor, and it was only around 10 times, which wasn't even close to our school's absolute sex champions:



I'm legit starting to ship MeuTuna. Even Porrim, Dave and Dirk got nothing on them.

I didn't take many screenshots because it got pretty intense and repetitive, so let's do the next day properly, without the fear of murder looming over our heads! We gotta save that up for later! Especially now that I know how this works.

So, who should we play next, properly this time?

 

MITUNA. I require lewd rude adorkable skater dude.

Edit: I just realized I could rhyme MORE several days later :3