shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Babe I don't think that's got much to do with being not like other girls, really. I think that's more the Alien thing than the "I wear my eyeliner like i'm impersonating a raccoon and howl along to the sweet dulcet tones of emo music"

 

In the flesh darling, shit I should come here more often people actually appreciate me instead of telling me to get a real job, or to stop killing people oh my fucking god.

 

NO, IT MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT! BUT IF YOU LIKE YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO KISS MY ASS--

[down jealousy, down! karkat puts his face in his hands and inhales]

IF YOU WANT TO KISS DAVE, *ASK DAVE.* BUT I WOULD BE SO THRILLED I'D SHIT GLITTER FOR A MONTH IF YOU DIDN'T

 

........
So like was that an actual offer to kiss your ass?
[It is.... entirely unclear whether or not he's being serious.]

 

I´m not cool with killing people, but would you actually stop just because I said so?

 

"Marcus is shitfaced," says Lissa. "And Jordi is...everything you said he was."

She looks up at Jordi. "You have correctly divined that there are people here that I would like to fuck, but your giant ego has prevented you from noticing that you aren't one of them."

 

Yuh! *Waves a shot in the air then downs it*

 

Interesting dating strategy, but you know what? I like it. It's innovative. You should come drink with us while I get Marcus over here too wasted to breathe.

[He grins again.] Aw, sweetheart, don't be like that. My ego's only the third most attractive thing about me.

 

:C

WHY.

YEH YEAH YEAH *starts chanting 'yeah' cheerfully. Wobbles on his stool.*

 

[squints]

HOW DO YOU KNOW I WOULDN'T FART DIRECTLY INTO YOUR FACE? SEEMS LIKE BAD STRATEGY TO ME

 

So he is.

-Comes over Marcus, wraps an arm around him- Heyyy there Drunk!Marcus. -hands him a glass of water and gently tows him couchwards if he allows that-

 

*Takes the water and gently tips off of the stool. Yes, hello Sitara. Flops onto the couch and drinks, expecting alcohol he wrinkles his nose*

Hey... you're CHEATIN' ME Sit... thank

 

Man, I'd be completely homeless if you did that. Do you want me to starve to not-death, beautiful angel I just met?

[He slides onto a barstool and only almost stumbles while he does it too. His mask gets shoved up just enough that his mouth and chin are bare. It's.... not a good look. In fact his skin looks eerily like the surface of the moon. He quickly summons somethign very glittery, very colorful and probably very much tasting like eating out a unicorn and down it in a single motion, then summons another of the same, if maybe more terribly unicron like. Like the unicron frappe of booze.]

I mean, i dunno if I'm gonna blow your mind now buddy, but-.....
[He leans in, wobbles and almost falls off his seat, manages to hold on in a slightly gravity defying manner]
Some folks are into that

 

Ruining my fun over here. How could you.

[He doesn't sound that invested, though he's watching Marcus with a grin still.]

Cocktails, huh? What, straight alcohol not good enough for you?

[Jordi pours himself a glass of whiskey, then sips at it with a grin, transferring his attention to Deadpool.]

Anyone ever tell you your face looks like it's been put through a meat grinder? It's fucking fantastic. Knew a guy who lost an ear that way, though I think it was a belt sander instead. Can't remember his name. Mickey, Manchez, Macaroni-- nope, not coming to me. Made a sweet casserole, give that man an oven and a glass dish and he could work miracles. Shit aim, though.

 

You´re welcome. I promise sober Marcus will be glad I did. -hands him another glass-

-with a perfectly straight face- I´m a terrible person.

I´m sure you could find something to do.

 

No kidding, you're a goddamn monster. One of the ones with snakes for hair.

 

Yup, I´ll turn you to stone. -glare-

 

[karkat looks singularly unimpressed]

ARE *YOU* INTO THAT?

IF YOU ARE, I THINK LURING A POOR CULTURALLY-UNFAMILIAR ALIEN INTO A SCENARIO THAT WILL ONLY FUEL THE FETISH MACHINE COUNTS AS...SOMETHING, AND WHATEVET IT IS, IT'S FUCKED UP

 

If you want me hard as a rock, there's easier ways to do it.

[He grins.]

 

My dude, my pal, my sparkly love of my life.
This is straight alcohol. I call it the vodkaception
[He griiiiiiiiiins and blushes a little]
Glad you like it i grew this shit myself.
[HAH cancer jokes]