shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

*sighs* ... shouldn't they be, like, pretty much the same here, though? I mean, yeah, sure, they're not the same all the time, but... can't I make you happy? Don't I make you happy?

*blushes* ... I'd call that a happy thought. 'Cause it's a thought and it's happy. Or at least it sounds happy. And it's a thought 'cause it had to go through your brain before it went out your mouth. That's how saying things works, yeah? They have to spend some time in your brain as a thought first?

 

you raise a good point my man. A very good point. I should bring this up to him. He'll love it I'm sure.

You just cannot appreciate my genius because you are too used to that raw food that actually has recognizable plant matter. In The Cyberpunk Utopia we live in no one has to eat anything that looks like it may have been alive once anymore.

 

[karkat is shooting dirty looks over at church and jack, because he is a pissy, overprotective trash man and You Will Not Talk To Dave Like That]

IN THAT CASE, WOW, NO, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED ANYWHERE EVEN REMOTELY IN THE VICINITY OF MY PERSON! FOR ALL I KNOW MAYBE YOU'LL SKEWER MY ASSCHEEK LIKE YOU'RE MAKING A CHEAP KEBAB AND CALL IT THE ~KISS OF PAIN~~ OR SOMETHING EQUALLY ASININE

 

They fucked their shit on China's firewall, d'think they ever even knew w'hit 'em.

We stopped a fucker. An asshole who renamed himself Jackofski. Who does that.

*Pauses and then presses a finger to his lips*

Shh, I might cry if you keep talking-- I get all moooshy like that when I'm... this.

 

"It's okay," says Lissa, and hugs him. "People have feelings. Lots of them." It strikes her mind that a good cry might be just what he needs, but Jordi's there, and NO. So she stops talking.

 

Ha! Ah, that's funny. Bet losing Anton didn't help any. Oh, I've got to mention this to the people paying my bills if I remember it, lotta room to make a profit with the Russians out of the picture.

Touché. [He lifts his glass again.]

 

I'm -

[Jack cuts himself off. Pauses. Makes another face. Emotions are difficult.]

- not sure? I probably couldn't tell happy if it bit me in the ass. I must have felt it at some point in my life. But my 'happy' usually comes from revenge plots and shit, so I honestly can't tell you if you do or not. You don't make me unhappy, and I like being around you.

Does that qualify as happy? It's not like I've had many domestic experiences in my life to draw from. I'm usually working or fighting for my life.

[Jack is quiet again. Doesn't say anything for a long moment.]

I thought happy was that gooey, bubbly feeling people get when something good happens. To think good thoughts, think of something good - like a family outing or a birthday party, or a wedding. Shit like that.

[Jack winks at Karkat's expression.]

 

Yup! Feelings happen, sometimes they suck but it´s worth it. -leans on an uncatted shoulder bit with hers.-

 

... well... you grin a lot when you're with me. And laugh. So you look happy, it looks like I make you happy. I mean, I can't really see what you're like without me, but when I'm here, well... you look happy. Except... when someone else does something to piss you off or when you're scared of this weird place we're in or when you fuck up and make me feel bad. You know. Except in those situations.

And that description of happiness there... that's how you make me feel. Pretty much all the time.

 

[karkat flips him off]

DON'T BE CUTE WITH ME, JACKOFF.

 

Well, there's your answer! If that's what happiness is, then I guess I'm fucking happy!

[Jack's smiling and he hooks an arm around Church. He's a very touchy person.]

Aww, we've got us a sap here!

[Jack says it as a joke, voice pitching sugar sweet and high.]

[Jack scoffs, letting out a rough laugh.]

Scared? I'm not scared! Handsome Jack is never scared. I'm just interested in whatever the fuck it is that's holding this weird ass dreamscape together. Some kinda magic glue? That's what I wanna know. I'd love to get my hands on magic glue.

[Jack dissolves into a fit of giggles, clutching his stomach.]

Jackoff!

 

[karkat looks around in mock surprise]

THAT WAS, IN FACT, THE JOKE. I KNOW YOU MUST FEEL *VERY* CLEVER FOR PICKING UP ON IT, BUT THE TRAGIC TRUTH IS THAT IT WAS INTENDED AND NOT VERY SUBTLE BESIDES

 

*grins*

*blushes*

I love being right!

You've got yourself a sap here. 'Cause you've got me. Yeah. If that makes any sense at all.

*light laugh* *teasing* You're totally scared. Or, well, at least, you were. Remember? Hell? Rather have glass in your eyes? Remember saying all... that?

*sighs* ... but I guess I shouldn't tease you 'bout it, should I? It's good that you're not scared now and I don't want you scared again, even if ribbing you about that shit is fun.

 

Right, I'm sorry, I was being a total jackass.

[Jack can't stop laughing. He thinks it's the funniest thing in the world.]

 

hes not even the one what yelled at me and weve already devolved to pun levels
i want a divorce

 

*grins* Maybe, but I still think I hit the jackpot.

 

[Now Jordi is laughing. Hard enough that he nearly dumps whiskey on himself.]

 

I hate them. Dumb things make me do stuff like not leave m'place for days. Or feel stupid'n bad at social even though people tell me I'm... not?

I watched you kill him with your bear hands and still have nightmares about that.

Fuck depression! *Chugs water, slings arms over both of them*

 

SHIT that's a good one i gotta remember that, unless you're like gonna call dibs on making that your ~thing~

 

[Jack rolls his eyes, tries to hide his uneasiness in mild anger.]

I don't get scared, sweetheart. You can tease me all you like, won't change that I have not gotten and never will get scared. Being afraid is a foreign concept to me.

So yes, it's a good thin I'm not scared.

Being rights a great feeling, isn't it?

I sure fucking do.

[Jack grins and goes for another ass grab--]

[--And he falls over laughing, tears springing to his eyes, for real this time.]