shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

dude
i didnt even get the chance to fuckin apologize before you went off on me and started going on about cows and shit i didnt say! and idk if you heard yourself bro but it sounded like you were saying i liked sleeping around with that bovine nonsense
and as cool and laid back as i am that actually does rustle my jimmies
i wasnt TRYING to be a dickhead but if you havent noticed its kind of compulsive at this point

im not trying to say ha ha your relationship problems are just hilarious lets talk about them over the water cooler
i thought of a comment i thought would be funny and it wasnt and im sorry i made fun of you ok?

ooh bby can i divorce your corpse

 

Aww you're cuutee... Wanna get your skritch on? *Doesn't move to pet the wolf, nope this is an open invitation*

Friend of mine had a pupper like you! Was like a high content wolf-dog, feeeeel like I'm either way drunk or you're jus' a wolf.

 

Ugh, trauma again. Is that a millennial thing? Trauma?

 

Sure? Was more 'blinding need for revenge' but wut u said is cool 2

*Sips drink, he's not stupid like SOME PEOPLE*

 

Is that why you hired a bunch of people and got them killed? I feel like we've had this conversation before.

[He sips thoughtfully.] Well, no skin off my back. Cleaned up the rosters for a bit, made it easier for the real professionals to pick up jobs.

 

"He's a wolf," says Lissa. "Might have some dog in him somewhere, but..." She shrugs. "Missha's my friend. He was messing up my garden chasing rabbits so we had a talk about how I would rather give him meat than have him mess up my garden. Now he comes in and out of my house all the time." She gives him a little skritch. "Wanna let Marcus give you a skritch too? could be fun..."

 

The bovine shit was something Caboose said about Tex. My ex. Which was like "Could it be. Trouble in paradise?" 'cause it was also an example of thinking that my relationship problems were casual water cooler talk. That's why I mentioned it, as an example of the kinda bullshit it sounded like you were spewing.

 

Missha considers this, licks Marcus' hand, and nods his head to allow access to ears. This person smells like Lissa and she is cuddled up with him. He must be part of Lissa's pack.

She seems to have a large one.

 

GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE. Yer WELCUM.

*Shakes his head and sips again* Fucker didn't even die. I'll eat 'em if I see the fukker here. Fukkin wreck his shit.

 

Yeah? The best kinda friend is the canine kind, sometimes I think 'bout jus... Working with animals. Forever. That's it.

I'm honored.

*He is very good at scritching, in fact he seems to know just the spot behind the ear. He is truly the King of Watching Dogs*

 

"Have you considered that most relationships are more than twelve hours old before they become serious and sacred?" Alex says after a moment. "I don't think he meant any harm. You just met this guy. But you're acting like the only thing stopping you from sending out the invitations is that you haven't decided what flavour of cake you want to mash into each other's faces.""

 

Yeah, that'll happen when you hire the cheap labor. Go live your maneating dreams or whatever though, I'm not about to stop you.

[Instead, he clinks his glass against Defalt's before going back to sipping at his cocktail.]

 

Aw, don't be shy, sweetheart! Just hop right in there, cop a feel.

[Jack reaches for Church's hand and attempts to pull him into an ass grab.]

 

*Grumbles and drinks because he's been reminded of Raymond Kenny*

Too bad I can't fuckin' hire you from the dead.

 

Have you considered that small talk shouldn't consist of ragging on the relationships of the people you're talking to? That that shit's not a great builder of friendships?

 

thats not what i was trying to say alright
it just seemed like things went up very fast and then back down very fast and i thought it was funny
clearly it wasnt
im stepping off

not gonna put my foot in the rest of all that
but i most def did not mean to be a dick but i am a dick so it happens sometimes

 

*church is willingly and easily pulled into it*

*he cops the feel*

*it is a good feel*

*a real good feel*

Oh. Good.

 

You got any cash buried? Pay upfront-- or, I guess, post-mortem-- and I'll carry that shit out. Might be hard for you to get me to remember any of that, but hey, whatevs, right?

It's not like you've got any other options here.

Sensitive, aren't we?

 

*Groans* Ugh... Yeah I do, it's also got my unreleased shit too. Stuff like my original stuff. So uh, there's a reason to remember?

 

HEY, WISE GUY! HE GETS IT! HE APOLOGIZED! DO YOU INTEND TO CONTINUE BEATING HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH IT UNTIL HE'S GROVELED SUFFICIENTLY TO SOOTHE YOUR FUCKING EGO?

OR DOES THIS NOT COUNT BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST BEING PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE IN HIS GENERAL VICINITY INSTEAD OF AT HIM? THIS SHIT IS IN A NO-FLY ZONE, FUCKER

[then, gentler:] ONLY IF YOU'RE FULLY PREPARED TO WOO AND MARRY MY CADAVER AS YOU WOULD THE REAL, LIVE DEAL. OF COURSE, I'M SURE YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT, YOU DISGUSTING NECROPHILE