shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Jack once again drapes himself over Church's shoulders, cupping his chin with a hand. He's still grinning.]

Enjoying yourself?

 

No. I just give a fuck about my relationship. What's so fucking funny about that?

 

"Dogs and wolves are Good," says Lissa. "So are cats though. It's gonna be so much fun to do that to Wrench." She grins up at Ford, who is standing behind her and scritching her ears. "Love you bestest," she says to him, with a long, slow blink.

 

Ford leans over and kisses her. He grins at Marcus. Lissa always brings people together unless, of course, they are assholes.

 

She asked me a question. I gave her an answer. And your little boyfriend just so happened to be far too relevant to that shit for me to leave him out. 'Cause, like, the thing she was referring to: he was fucking enmeshed in that shit. Fucking balls deep in that shit. ... metaphorically speaking. Anyway. I couldn't extricate what he did from that shit, even though, yeah, I appreciate his apology and I get that he didn't mean it. So sorry, but I don't fucking know what you expected me to do there.

Yeah. Would probably enjoy myself a fuckton more, though, if everyone else - *glares at karkat and alex and jordi* - would mind their fucking business.

 

It's funny cause when'm out not dreamin' I have trouble 'round dogs and stuff. I get all sneezy, but it's fine if I'm outside with them? But I don't have to be that way here so... I'm not. It's cool though, Wrench has a phobia thing with dogs so...

*He shrugs, giving one last scritchy scratch and leaning back. Makes himself more water and drinks. Sobering up with the power of the rave!*

 

Mmm, tempting. Yeah, give me the deets and we'll see what I can do. Raymond Kenney, right? Feel like I've seen that fucker recently, where the hell...

'Relationship'. God, that's adorable. No, you keep doing you, this is even better than woke boy over there getting shitfaced.

[He gives Church a shit-eating grin. That's probably not gonna happen.]

 

Well, what the fuck else would you describe two people being boyfriends as?

You know what? Fuck you!

... metaphorically. Obviously.

 

Yeah, I don't care what you do just kill him. *Quickly writes out the details of where his Rat Hoard is*

So, why's kiddo surprised that people are being all judgy when he's in 'public' like this? Like, dude... I'm dead and I even know

*CACKLES*

 

Hopelessly optimistic.

Oh yeah, it definitely was gonna happen if you didn't clarify that. Thanks for the hint, bud.

[He takes the note, looks it over, then folds it and sticks it in one of his interior pockets on his suit jacket. Hopefully he'll remember it when he wakes up.]

I'm assuming you'll know when I do. I'll be in touch. Maybe with one of those sparkly pink ouija boards, the ones with all the glitter and flowers for eight year old girls.

It's young love. We're supposed to be sensitive about it or whatever. And I do mean young, like a goddamn newborn who ain't even off the formula yet. It's great. Other guy's dead like you too, some kind of AI ghost thing. Very thematic.

 

[Jack snorts and pulls him into a half-hug, half-restraint.]

Don't mind them, sweetheart, you'll give yourself a headache. The more you talk to 'em, the more they get into it. Besides!

[Jack kisses his cheek again.]

There's so much more fun things to be taking about right now.

 

"The part where you've known this guy for what, six hours? My sister was pretty clear about that. You haven't even been alone together." Mason shrugs. "I get it. You hate being teased. That's fair. Everyone feels insecure when they just met someone they really like. But people think it's kinda funny that you're rushing things so much. It's not really healthy or good for you."

Mason doesn't mention all the talk about killing people for the vaguest of reasons, because he knows Church won't listen to that, but shit, this is dumb.

 

If it doesn't have fuckkin my little pony on it I wont answer

What? Fuckkin not fair, no one made me an AI. Jus' got left to rot in a room fulla neurotoxin cause two living scrotum sacks were clever. Fuck old people.

 

[karkat is out of tantrum town and headed straight for "legitimately fucking furious" city]

YOU COULD TRY NOT INJECTING SNIDE REMARKS INTO YOUR COMMENTARY EVERY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS! YOU'RE LIKE A BODYBUILDER FIGHTING DIMINISHING RETURNS WITH HIS BLACK MARKET 'ROID STASH, I SWEAR TO GOD. OR DOES HE JUST DESERVE THAT AS PENANCE FOR HIS TRULY HEINOUS CRIMES??

YOU CAN HANDWAVE AWAY THE *GIST* OF THE REMARK ALL YOU WANT, YOU SLEAZY FUCKING ASSCLOWN, BUT IT DOESN'T HELP YOUR CASE WHEN YOU'RE CALLING HIM MY "LITTLE BOYFRIEND." HIS NAME IS *DAVE* AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT, THE DIMINUTIVE ISN'T ****FUCKING**** SUBTLE. AT LEAST DAVE APOLOGIZED! BUT NO, CAN'T HAVE THAT! LET'S JUST DEMEAN HIM SOME MORE SO WE CAN FEEL LIKE A BIG MAN

 

What if I stick a bunch of Mickey Mouse stickers on it? Does that count?

[He snorts.] Should've jacked ctOS right into your brain before you died. That's called an oversight right there, blue.

 

U kno what, Mickey Mouse is perf-- Or any cheap rat sticker, the puffy kind. U kno the kind.

And I shoulda, didn't think 'bout it u kno? Who would?

 

Yeah, I know the kind. Kiddie scrapbooking. I'll fucking bedazzle it while I'm at it, just get a shitload of the fancy shit from Micheals and JoAnns, go hogwild on this twenty dollar ToysRUs ouija board. If you bring any demons with you, I'm going to be pissed though.

 

*blushes*

Heh. You've got a point there.

*also... being restrained like that... hot*

*really hot*

A reeeaaalll goooood point.

 

Wut if I told u I was a demon.................
................................................
....
In bed

 

Yeah, I could believe it. I bet you're a screamer, you artsy types usually are.