shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

You wanna figure out how to come back as a creepy zombie-ass motherfucking rat demon or not?

 

~~(8:>
~~(8|>

I guess.

 

Not telling! Coming back from the dead tends to seriously fudge with things.

 

Go forth, make friends. Don't be another Aiden Pearce. Do you want to be another Aiden Pearce?

Coming from a guy in a bat costume, that's pretty rich.

 

-looks up at him-
Yo.

Assuming that's the friend. Funny story - turns out that guy -points at @Connor Kent - punched the walls between universes and that did it. Might be a me special, though, since I was the only one whose grave was all busted up.

-he laughs-
Good joke, buddy. Not with our lives.

-raises an eyebrow-
Can't tell in those pants. Too scared to rock the daisy dukes?

It's comfortable, we can share. Or we could, if you weren't so set on being a good example for Robin.

 

U don't fukkin understand bats, my man, my fellow rodent. *Floats closer* U have wings, i don't but that's fine batty bats batterson.

I gotta get revenge man, dude killed my brother and ten other people. Just to prove he could shut down the network. Fuckkin killed people, man. KILLED. tried 2 be all 'bluh bluh i'm gonna apologize by sending u guys money' the fukkin audacity! I was homeless, all i had was my bro and then i'm just some 11 year old w/ nothin on the streets

then he didnt have the fukkin good will to just die. nope gotta kill me. fukker. FUCKER.

*Calms himself, starts giggling* ahhhh dude can't dress himself

*waves* a living scrotum killed me, how u

 

CHEATING AT WHAT EXACTLY, DIPSHIT?

 

The friend was me, you know, just in case, but I don't know how helpful that's going to be in actual play. I'll keep it in mind though. Go befriend a teenager in a bad shirt, hope he breaks the universe. Sounds legit.

Wait, damn, I've already gone and done that. Pretty sure he's a teenager. He's like, five, that's pretty much the same thing, right? [He texts @Marcus Holloway with 'you better free me from hell by breaking reality if i die' without any other context.]

He's only got the one shirt, do you really expect him to look like anything other than a hobo? It's so sad. Hilarious too, actually.

Languages, obviously. Why, what else are you cheating at?

 

Hey I fought for this, you know? That cowl carries some weight!

Look, he's had enough bad examples to last a life time, someone's gotta try and be the good guy for him.

Well doesn't that all sound vaguely familiar. If you were alive I'd have found some way to foster you. Batman, Robin and Ratboy, that's a team up for the ages. But I'm still not gonna tell you how to come back from the dead. We've got enough un-dead family shenanigans.

 

-playbows back. Chase! Last one to the pizza is a rotten egg-

-narrows his eyes- Good for you. -he gets up, tense like he´s expecting, or looking for, a fight.-

What´s that supposed to mean?

I did WHAT?

 

ehhhhh not where im from
gotta do the arcane ritual as youre dying or else it dont matter
if youre already dead its kind of a moot point

[dave is now in a pair of bright red, barely-photoshoot-legal short shorts. 'juicy' is emblazoned across the ass in rhinestones. he's got pretty nice legs, if you're into pasty, freckly motherfuckers]

what

oh but im not worthy of the bat dad
i see how it is
i
fucking
see

 

ya, I do tho... Like, dude's got money.

hey but thing is i'm not in ur world, so I'd just be fukkin with DedSec who had the gall to tell me I couldn't be part of them. Fukkin stupid. Still, I hate Ray more than them. Wrinkly old turd of a man.

*Makes a fart noise with his cell phone*

 

Can't weigh more than three pounds, doesn't have the padding for it. And you could probably make one out of Worbla for cheapsies if you really had to have it.

Yeah, being good at my job's sort of a whole thing. Gotta get that sweet, sweet word of mouth advertising. Though there's a fuck app with ratings now? Who the fuck thought that was a good idea, I'm not a fucking Uber driver for fuck's sake.

[Siiiiiiiip.]

 

*RUN! Race! Annd he skids to a stop to let the wolf have the pizza. He's got no interest in that.*

 

Yeah, and it's mine. He's still paying me off. Or he was before he pulled that ghosting shit on me. Dick.

 

PRAY TELL, HOW EXACTLY DOES ONE CHEAT AT LANGUAGE? DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD ENGLISH IS? IT MAKES NO SENSE! IT GOT GANGBANGED IN THE BACK OF AN ALLEY BY FIFTEEN OTHER LANGUAGES, AND THEN WENT 'OH NO, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. I NEED *SLANG*'

IF I COULD CHEAT AT LANGUAGE, BELIEVE YOU ME, I WOULD

 

You can have Bat Mom she's much better at this whole thing than I am anyway.
[He really hopes Katherine won't murder him for this. Oops]

Ha-ha, very funny.

 

Fair point!

Isn't that just the way? Darling, though, truly lovely.

That's a bit narrow-minded, isn't it? And I just got done talking about reincarnation, too-- do you mean to tell me I'm not the focal point of the multiverse?

 

Hehehehehehee well still.

 

Well yeah, no shit, but it's not like it's impressive if I'm talking English, now is it? You grow up around that shit, it all makes sense-- or, well, I guess if you just absorb it through osmosis or whatever. Duolingo's pretty alright, Rosetta Stone's shit though. What was I talking about?

Oh, right. Yeah, it doesn't count if you do alien clicky shit because you're the alien that speaks the clicky shit. That's what I was getting at.

I know, I'm fucking delightful.