shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

His mom's not that bad. She's got achievable goals, for one.

Not you-you. A version of you. Who was evil and trapped in a dimension next door. Unless everything is going perfectly in your life, I wouldn't worry about it.

Hmm. You coulda done okay with the shorts.

 

Killers need advertising? Don´t you all work for the Injustice leage or the Light or whatever they call themselves?

-more meat toppings for Wolf! Gotta refuel for more CHASE! Also you´re It-

-agreement beep-

Yes, sorry to break it to you.

No not really. I am trapped in a different dimesion though. I wonder if i could punch my way out of here. -looks at the SPR wall speculatively-

 

Uh, no. Not unless they pay well enough to keep me on retainer, and my fees are very high because I'm very good at what I do. I contract out, kid. Means I gotta rely on people going, "Yeah, that Jordi Chin guy, he's damn good at his job and nobody even knows how he does it."

And if some fuckheads calling themselves 'The Injustice League' every came a-calling, I think I'd probably triple my rates just because of the embarrassment factor. Seriously, what kind of name is that?

 

[Melodramatics pumped up, with one hand splayed across the cavern in his torso:] You dare--

[Abruptly serious again, wings flared:] Please don't.

 

Three wolves! There is much play bowing and running of circles.

 

She had him raised by assassins. From birth.

 

"So was I." Lissa eats another slice of pizza.

 

FRANKLY, I'M IMPRESSED THAT ANYONE MANAGES TO SPEAK YOUR HELL-LANGUAGE. ANYWAY, OF *COURSE* IT WOULD BE MORE IMPRESSIVE IF YOUR MAMMALIAN VOCAL CORDS SOMEHOW MAGICALLY RECREATED SOUNDS THAT YOU AREN'T DESIGNED TO PRODUCE.

 

You ask me. The main question is am I going to endanger our covers if I put you in jail.

Why not? How else am I suppsed to get back?

-Much running indeed-

 

"Sometimes I find myself thinking in English when I'm not talking to people and then I get so appalled," says Lissa, in a language that is clearly the product of cats who write song lyrics.

 

I mean are you gonna tell me I should let the ten year old murder his merry way through Gotham then? Because no. We don't do the killing thing. Or at least we aren't supposed to.
[MEANINGFUL GLARE OVER TO RED HOOD]

 

"You're probably asleep," Ford says to Connor. "This is a dreamspace. It exists...well, I could show you what part of the Tree it cracked off of, but that wouldn't mean anything to you. If you decide you really don't want to be here any more, you'll wake up, unless you're in a coma or something like that, and then you'll go dream about something like this. I think this used to be one of the bubbles that the demiurges from the second dimension used to torture people in while they were asleep, but it broke away from everything else during the Weirdmageddon event that hit most of the local dimensional sheaves that had a town named Gravity Falls in them and all of the ones that various iterations of me had ended up in and most of the neighbouring ones."

 

I can open a portal for you if you really are stuck, but I'm nearly certain you're dreaming and will leave whenever you wake up. Please don't damage this place, it's a pain and a half to fix dimensions that aren't actually in my cluster.

 

She's an assassin. Are you saying assassins can't raise kids, Bats?
-wow this helmet clearly doesn't follow the rules of conventional reality because you can see him smirking-

-much more seriously-
Some people need killing.

 

"No, of course not." Lissa shrugs. "But you didn't mention that part."

 

if i recount my tragic past will the bat dad adopt me
i need someone to sponsor my poor orphan ass through college and you would not BELIEVE the problems a raging oedipus complex causes

[normal jeans are back]
see he gets it
i even got a fuckin bird motif
i could be the wisecracking shota sidekick

 

Yeah, alright, I'll drink to that. Fuck English.

[He drinks.]

On what charges, kiddo? Because the whole extrajudicial shtick scream authoritarian dictatorship to me, and if that's the case, I'm not the bad guy here.

 

I'm saying that making a ten year old commit murder is kind of fucked up, Hood.

Ja-... Hood, we talked about this. He talked about this with you at least.
[He grimaces.]

 

If killing people at age ten is wrong, I don't wanna be right. You look like you could use a drink.

 

Try stealing from him. Worked for me.

-he shrugs, but his stance is defensive-
Worse things he could be doing.

He talked. I still think he's wrong. Not a conversation to be had in company, though.