shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

O... kay... Hope your retirement goes well?
[... WELP. He'll just have to keep an eye on this supervillain status pending thing then.]

[... oh he knows this attitude far too well.]
Hey no biggie I can step off. You deal with your own stuff. If you do decide you need help you know how to call me.

 

You're cute, but not my type. Pass.

 

I´m not fucking superman. And what do mean, crash into other people´s territory? This isn´t anyone´s territory. The Justice league does all of earth anyway.

-Yup, ok, enough talking, it´s punching time-

 

This isn't earth. Probably. I think. And you don't know if it's anyone's territory you haven't asked.
And yeah it's pretty hard to miss you aren't Supes. Most people deal with stretching their wings by setting out to find their own superhero territory. Blüdhaven's nice this time of year.

 

[dave expertly sidesteps dealing with someone actually being pretty chill about shit by...ignoring all that]

my retirement is going great
i mean im king but im pretty sure thats just a figurehead thing? either that or jade is taking all the paperwork but im pretty sure shes not that kind of self sacrificial
mostly i just dig up statues and shit
kinda wanna make movies but other me already did that so itd just be like reinventing the wheel
i wanna make something that is unique to this instance of me

 

[Vector raises his hands placatingly. No weapons here, no harm meant.] Alright, alright.

Technically it is someone's, but explaining would get a little... inside-out.

Definitely not an Earth, no. That much is easy enough to say.

 

I´m not leaving the team.

 

Alex sighs. "So do police and soldiers. You're upset because he can pick and choose his jobs, or are you a conscientious objector? It sounds like their world is as much of a mess as ours is. I'm guessing you live in a place where the government actually works. We don't."

 

[Unfortunately, dreamspace means Jordi isn't inclined to believe in superpowers and Connor telegraphs his punches like a motherfucker. The bar he dodges away from is much less disbelieving and crumples like wet cardboard.]

Kiddo that is a lot of nice alcohol you just ruined. Can't a guy just enjoy a drink? [He takes couple healthy steps back, popping his neck.]

 

Hmmh. Write your memoirs or something maybe? That's gotta be pretty unique to you.

Thanks for confirming dude.

No, hey no need to leave the team just- You all do your own thing too, right? That's how stuff was with the Titans at least. No need to spend all your time there, you can also do your own superheroing.
And also you an not with the punching thing maybe? That'd be really great.

The no punching thing goes for you too.
[Stern Bat-voice, go! It's not as convincing as Bruce's is. Was. As Bruce's was.]

 

Alex stands there, appalled. "We were having a party. People who were fighting before were making up. People were sharing great stories. We had food and drinks and those weirdos with the dumb two whole hours old relationship drama weren't the only entertainment and you broke the bar."

She starts helping 'clean up' by trying to make things look the way she remembered them.

"I thought you were cute."

 

Connor doesn´t care anymore. Sphere beeps apologetically-

No, we can´t take down Luthor or the Reach right now, but at least no one expects me to sit on my ass and just let it happen.

-glares-

No, we´re a team. We work together.

 

Gwendolyn stands up in a rage. She and Mason had been making out behind the bar. They are now drenched in booze and her top is half off. "What the hell?"

 

[He sighs.]
Okay. I just don't-... Don't get too invested in doing things as a team all the time. You can do things on your own, kiddo. You just gotta try not to over do it, yeah?
[Should he...??? pat him on the shoulder maybe??? He reaches a hand out but then hesitated. Ugh the supers are always kinda weird to deal with and Tim's the only one who really got along with Superboy anyways...]

 

"I think Connor got mad," Mason says, brushing broken glass off his clothes and deciding that no, he does not want to be bleeding. "They did say he was Superboy. Didn't they? Someone did. Gwen, you've got a cut on your forehead. Imagine it not being there."

He would button her shirt for her, but that would kind of be like touching Aunt Lissa's back when she's mad.

 

He was bragging about killing people for money.

"I was aiming for him. Sorry."

 

"That was so not my point!" Alex sighs. "My point was that I live in a world where we have lots of cops who kill people, especially black people, too many dumb wars, and a creepy walking Cheeto in the White House who's practically tongue-kissing Fish Hitler! People have got to hire their own muscle and Jordi is not this Luther person you keep bringing up!"

 

Hey, I'm not punching. I'm on break right now. Besides, no one's paying me, so what's the fucking point?

Buddy, you keep comparing me to these top-tier comicbook villains and I'm just a goddamn salaryman over here. C'mon. Seriously.

Jeez, kids, you should know better. If that was a real bar, there'd be all sorts of nasty shit on that floor. Keep that in mind-- never make out where the staff work, because they wear black shoes for a reason.

[He shakes his head in mock sternness. And then dreams himself up a glass of scotch.]

 

"Okay maybe don't throw punches at mortals," says Gwendolyn, buttoning her shirt at long last. "People don't have to get hurt here if they don't want to, but we had no way of seeing that coming." She sighs. "Also, there's a house rule at Pines parties, which is that if you want to fight you have to take it outside, even if you're Stan and Ford."

 

Mason chuckles. "If it was a real bar, she'd have to get me a fake ID. And there would be people working behind it. But thanks."