shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

because they've fallen for her campaign of sugary tyranny.

 

I am sorry [He notices the set of his wings roundabout now and forces them back down and back, making himself as small as he could] I didn't mean to upset you or make you feel threatened.

 

*An adorable little tortie finds itself trotting around. Oh, huh. The hell?* Prrrt?

 

[fondly, or. as fond as karkat gets for not-dave-persons:] DO IT AND I'LL DISTRESS YOUR INTESTINES BY RIPPING THEM OUT AND HANGING THEM UP AS A FESTIVE GARLAND, TRY ME

[karkat looks singularly unimpressed, and throws a box of mixed berry social anxiety disorder gushers at john's head]

HE MEANS THE BATTERWITCH. AKA HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION, AKA )(IC, AKA FISH HITLER, AKA STILL SOMEHOW THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE DESPITE BEING DEAD FOR ALMOST TWO SWEEPS

 

You're quite alright. [He does relax again, though, once Ups is no longer Lorge Fighty.]

 

Just glad I'm big enough no one tries to make me do a triple flip any more. Wasn't built for it then, really not built for it now.

 

haha, that's really gross, dude! i'd like to see you try.

[it hits john in the head and he grunts, just managing to catch the box as it falls. he sticks his tongue out at karkat.]

 

Considering I've only started actually trying to... *blushes* ... get frisky with you now?

 

[He's keeping the wings back now and being very careful not to make any too hasty moves just in case. He is very much sorry but if Switchboard says he's alright...]

 

I'd call it quitter talk, but you're a catcher not a flyer. It's okay, y'know, most people need one when they take to the air.
[Fuck him, he can't quite stomp out the undertone of 'You're my catcher, I trust you', despite everything. Family. He's always been a man for family.]

 

Lissa holds her hand down to the cat with some pizza sausage. "Here, sweetie," she says. Something about this cat seems...almost familiar? But even if it didn't, that's a distant cousin.

"The bane of ours, too," says Lissa. "But I've never heard her called that before. Fish Hitler, yes, all the time, that's what we call her too. I wish you'd killed her here, too. But, I guess I have to say it's not entirely true that I'd be happy never to kill another sapient being again, because she exists, and I can't decide whether I'd rather eat her heart myself or feed it to Missha, assuming that a) it even exists and b) it's not full of poison."

 

*Food! Prances up and takes the sausage cheerfully, scarfing it down before arching.* Meow~ Mrr *Flirt for your food, it's the way to success.*

 

Lissa pets and feeds the cute kitty. "Are you a lap cat? Because I'm in Ford's lap and you could be in mine, and then we could have ... lapception!"

 

*Eyes her and then hops up and into her lap, hey look he's wearing a collar and it says 'Marcus'. The collar is, notably, one of those cat collars with the emergency snap though it's big enough for his head to slip in and out of* Prrrow!

*Flop*

 

"You remind me so much of someone I know," Lissa says, shaking her head as she scritches his ears. "I wonder who you might belong to?"

 

*Streeeetches and purrs. He belongs to no man, no man but himself.* prrr~ Miao~ *Big yawn, rolls and stretches. He will Take The Attention.*

 

"Well, somebody put that collar on you. I know you didn't buy it yourself." She continues to pet the kitty.

 

SHE RAN BETTY CROCKER ON EARTH B.

ANYWAY, SORRY FOR NOT NABBING THAT INSTANCE, BUT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE A HAND IN KILLING HER. YOU CAN ASK JOHN ABOUT IT IF YOU WANT, BUT I'D HONESTLY WAGER SHE DIDN'T HAVE A BLOODPUSHER TO BEGIN WITH.

ALL I DID WAS WRANGLE AN UNCOMFORTABLY HORNY LEPRECHAUN

GET READY FOR YOUR JUST AND MOST DESERVED DEATH, TAINTSLIME

[karkat chatterclickgrowls at john and jumps at him. he's a good foot shorter (why is john such a freakish behemoth karkat never asked for this), but he's also a brick shithouse. this is play-wrestling and, adult or not, is a regular result of winning karkat tantrum bingo. but it might not look like playing to someone who isn't used to the signs of an Actually Pissed Troll]

 

*Cracks an eye open before squirming a bit and using his front paw to squeeze his head out from in the collar.* Prrow!

 

Lissa chuckles. She's not that experienced with friendly trolls, but she's helped raise teenage boys. And of course the cat can get out of the collar. The only way to keep a cat in a collar is to make the cat want to be in it.