shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Oh G-d you're right; he reminds me of Jezebel."

 

*Slowly looks up, eyes wide and blown out but retracts his claws. He's still biting the pant leg and kicking though, he's gonna kill it.*

*The kicking slows because feather. Soon enough he's exploding off from Jordi's leg and leaping into the air to attack the feather. The ferocity of a damn mountain lion.*

 

Lissa giggles. "Good kitty!" She is very good at trailing a feather along like prey. Kits love feathers, once they're big enough to be mobile.

 

Ford grins at Jordi. "There's nothing quite like coming home to find your wife on the floor with your infant daughter, giving her belly rubs and playing with her kickyfeets."

 

-With a strong smell of gasoline, Naft appears in the rave, flicking one of her gleaming black curls behind a shoulder.-

 

[He flips through the first rulebook real quick, scanning some of the pages before setting it on the bar and picking up the smaller rulebooks. This is more like what he's used to. Oldschool. Not that the other stuff is bad, but damn if he couldn't keep up with half the games that came out these days.]

'More ass than a toilet seat', huh? Usually I just make it pretty clear who's getting what out of it and that works for me fine. Bars are boring though. Sameface syndrome everywhere. Am I using that right? I'm gonna say that I'm using that right.

Aaaand there he goes. Ten to one he kills it and tries to bring it back to me. [He sounds very smug about this.]

 

*He stops, rear up. Wiggles it, oh the butt wiggles are happening he's gonna-- Explodes again, going after the feather hard before finally catching it.*

*Bingo. He's got the feather in his mouth and he's turned, deciding that he's just going to try and take that damn thing to Jordi.*

 

I still remember yours; no pain and no injury.

-she's Transformer-sized again and reaches her claws through them both, pulling out their souls and leaving their bodies empty and lifeless, heart stopped. The separation is clean for Dave, ragged and tearing for Karkat though his soul comes out whole. A little spot of blood appears above his bloodpusher as a sort of spiritual exit wound.

Part of her realm manifests, an underwater cave (currently drained) seemingly carved from a solid mass of stone instead of natural means. There are signs and sigils in the walls, but they're floaty and nigh impossible to actually focus on. The floor is covered with all kinds of treasure, coins and jewelry and books somehow preserved (if damp), colorful fabric and beach glass and bottles of what's probably wine. There's a massive table and set of chairs made of hewn chunks of basalt, where she deposits both souls. The table is heaped high with food, fish cooked with magic or using thermal vents, the underwater equivalent of sashimi, various plant life (some of which only exists on Ethus, and only where the Psyren live because of Greengrower's influence), and a few more interesting things. A gelatinous substance in a vaguely fishlike shape. Stuffed shark, wrapped in its skin. Some sort of krillflour bread that is incredibly complicated to make. Also little white flowers on a plate, for some reason.-

 

-Naft pokes at everything, leaning in to run her fingers lightly over the sharkskin.-

 

Wars. Plural. -she gives the most put-upon sigh- And it sounded like the world was starting to get its shit together.

 

-she patiently waves her away. Given that she's the size of a goddamn house, 'waving her away' is a bit less of a passive gesture than usual- This is for the dead, little one. If you wish to join then you must put aside life as well.

 

Oh, pardon me! But you're the one who pulled me here, aren't you?

-She smiles charmingly.-

 

Yeah, you killed it. So proud, sweetheart.

[Jordi laughs. He keeps laughing. It takes a little while for him to wind down.]

 

-Good effort, execution needs work- You're not one of mine, by land or sea or darkest depths. And I do not invite my dreamers here. If you were brought it was not by me.

 

-She's disappointed, but she makes no effort to touch anything again.-

 

I'm not naive, I didn't expect war to stop being a thing. But getting the whole world involved, now that we know it's all there? More than once? That's a lot of land. The frontlines must have been huge. What could possibly justify the logistical nightmare of involving the entire world and getting more than a country and a half to get along long enough for that to work?

 

Genocide?

 

Yeah, no, it doesn't stop after two. We just stop calling them world wars after that. Then they're police actions, and lots of little wars funded by the couple Big Guys to wave their dicks around. As for the justification... who the hell knows. I'd say money or... something... but it's pretty senseless from the outside. Good money for me though.

 

"So adorable," Lissa squees. "Really, he has it made. He can be a cat until he feels like being human. This is why we go so nuts about our kits. They're still fun when they start to grow up, but Jessie fixed everything wrong with my head that Ford couldn't. I couldn't go on believing that life was a mistake when I was playing with our daughter."

 

*Drags both feather and string to Jordi, hops up into his lap and holds it fucking proud as punch. Look at him, he killed this. HE KILLED THIS THING!*

*A muffled trill and meow in response. He likes to think he's got it pretty good too, especially since he knows Jordi adores him. Weird feeling, a nice one though. He'd express this through more than a muffled meow if he didn't have a feather in his mouth or if he were in his human shape.*