shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Jordi squints, then nods once. Alright. This is much easier to deal with than Random Leopards. He at least has experience with people-who-turn-into-cats.]

[Quiet grunt.] You're going to fall off, and I'm going to laugh. Get up here properly if you're going to do that.

 

Don't laugh at me. *Carefully climbs himself up to sit properly, basically lounging all over Jordi* Why didn't you think up these stools as comfy chairs? Like... tall chairs you know the kind. Or is that part of the Experience?

 

Ford nods. Apparently today is Feelings Day, not Leg Day or Try to Catch Lissa Day.

"Sometimes I really hate that guy, and I know it's mutual. But I hit on him because maybe if we didn't hate each other, we could both stop hating ourselves."

He glances at Jordi. "Not to give offence, but I drink the Scotch in part because I know you wouldn't sully it," he says, grinning. "So I guess my brain's just misfiring again."

 

-she nods to Dave in agreement- This is a corner of the realm of rest. The part where I chew on people who were a pain in Our collective ass forever is elsewhere. -that... was mostly a joke. Mostly.- There are no consequences. What's broken is repaired. Some people feel the need to thoroughly wreck shit, especially if they didn't get the chance in life. -She shrinks down to mostly human-sized but tall, and actually takes her legged landkin form for the first time here. They have a weird texture like her tentacles, and she's wearing a skirt. Still no shirt; her chest modesty is still entirely jewelry-induced. She flops on a cushion on the floor like someone who might have been human once-

 

What, I haven't taken you to this bar? It's a perfect recreation. Fancy fucking place, need a suit just to get in, invite only. Maybe I've never brought you because I network there. Yeah. That's probably it.

[He wraps his arms around Marcus, tucking his chin over his shoulder before sipping at his drink again.]

Hey, if you're worried about poison, you should probably stay worried. Just because I like a good drink doesn't mean I wouldn't jump at the chance to kill a guy without anyone being the wiser. That's the problem with poison though, if your coroner's clever, you have to be cleverer. There's a couple I've got that are nigh-undetectable, but like I said-- I'm on vacation right now.

Spoiler: morbid?

[Siiiip.] Though if I were going to do something like that, I'd probably just OD you on some local narcotics. Make it look like a hit gone bad. People make mistakes all the time, and police aren't going to question yet another drug overdose, not with the kickup in heroine deaths recently.

 

-nudges lots with nose and then paw. No go back to being a cat! She doesn't have a lot of kitty friends! A few cattes sure but it's not quite the saaaaaaame-

 

Hemlock goes with the red.

 

Probably, also you probably go there when you let me do some of my DedSec running around. *Pauses at all the death talk before huffing*

Yeah, you're on vacation which means not talking about that stuff. Also, dude, Ford's chill. This is not how you make friends.

Aw, gimme a sec alright? Also you're cheating by being big, just thought you should know. *Rubs softly at the top of her head*

Why are we talking about this now?

 

Ford grins. This conversation is awesome.

"I would be difficult to kill with drugs, but people would have no trouble believing that of me. Even though I actually hate narcotics." He raises his glass. "I'm not really worried, especially not here. Just desperate for an excuse for being so maudlin."

 

Mmm, I'm sorry. [He doesn't sound sorry. He also rubs his cheek against Marcus's face, absolutely uncaring of how his beard's going to feel there.]

Maybe I'll take you there sometime. Introduce you around. Make sure everyone knows who they're fucking with if Blume ever puts a price on your head.

Hey, I'm not a quitter. Eventually we'd get to a high enough concentration that you'd kick it. But I'm supposed to be all off duty right now, so I guess I'll talk about... fucking weather or whatever. You watch TV at all? Your universe got the SyFy channel?

 

I think the answer there is a bit more understanding and a lot less assumptions. Sounded like you started off wrong because you (collective you) thought your branch-point was later than it was.

 

*Wrinkles his nose, but he can appreciate the gesture.* Sure, sounds like a good idea anyway. Also, you can talk about killing it's just-- Ugh, fucking hell man. I know you enjoy it, that's your happy place, I'm just trying to... Talk about whatever you want, Jordi. I can't stop you.

I just greatly prefer hearing you talk about stuff like sniping and doing the shit like you did on that Bratva boat. The whole poisoning thing wigs me out.

 

"We do. And thanks," says Lissa. She takes Ford's glass away and holds it until it is full, and the contents have turned lavender, shading through hot pink to peach. "Don't argue, Stanford, you need this right now, not alcohol. Drink up."

 

-flawlessly straight-faced- Discussion of mutual interests is how one makes friends, I've been told.

 

Not a fan of people dying slow? [Rub, rub, rub. This is also his happy place, being annoying to someone who won't fight back. Best cat ever.]

Makes sense. I can cut the water-cooler talk short anyhow, not a big deal. Not like anyone here can die if they don't want to anyways, right? I mean check all the shit those two had to go through just to manage it. [He nods towards Dave and Karkat, then squeezes Marcus a little.]

So how about Face Off then, huh? Laura got fucking robbed. The fuck kind of drink is that.

Shooting the shit about work is a time honored tradition in the bar. Matched only by bitching about your team losing in whatever game's playing. You got sports where you're from?

 

-ok yes pettings are good. You can stay human if you continue petting-

 

Ford drinks his personal Doctor Feelgood's prescription without argument. "I can imagine a lot of things, but a universe where Stanley betrayed me?"

 

[dave gets up and comes to sit next to her, close enough to be familiar but not so close as to be too familiar.]

i suddenly feel a little less accurate calling you aunt hentai
is this where you live? or is it more likeee
i guess like lohac which was my land and it technically HAD my house on it but its not somewhere id choose to vacation let alone spend eternity
i feel like rose would dig this place
do you

 

"I thought her name was Marsha, but yeah, fucking robbed." Lissa grins. "It's a distillation of fermented lihwa with a name you can't pronounce but it would be funny to see you try. Produces relaxation, mild euphoria and also easy arousal, which is not something he needs help with, but the other things pull his brain out of the death spiral. You want one?"

 

You look like the kind of guy to piss people off om the regular. Unless this Stanley guy is killing fixers before they get to you, at which point I salute his efforts.

Probably one of those universe things. i'm convinced they did the All-Stars just to give her the competition she really deserved. I figure Marcus won't forgive you for giving me one, but I'll try any drink once.

[He holds out his glass without losing his grip on the man in his lap.]