shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Well of course you did," says Lissa. "It's meant for felines, even if it does work on the great sexy apes."

 

*Grumbles a little and takes the brandy, sitting up enough to sip before setting it down and going back to full flop*

I use to be a sexy ape and then the witch inquisition attacked.

 

What, dying or finding out somebody out there has a good twin?

 

Uh huh. What, you want something fruity instead?

[He takes the brandy back and sips at it.]

Both? I ran into a happy Aiden once. It was weird. Think I killed him because of how weird it was. Might have been a body double, come to think of it, but I never would've pegged him for being that clever.

 

Nah, I'm just enjoying being here. Comfortable, also sitting up means I am not as comfortable. So.

*Cheekrubs*

 

... I really don't think it works that way.

... yeah but... Dali. I'm sure she's still on your Pennarion. And Teleny - I don't really know her, but if there's a version of her in that dimension, she probably lives there too. And... fuck... Qihanna. I don't like her but still... Pennarion. And probably not fine.

*confused* Learn what?

 

Uh huh. Well, far be it from me to get you all fussed when you've gotten yourself comfortable. I'm a bad, bad man, but I guess I can be nice to you.

[There is a hint of fondness in his voice and he rubs his cheek against Marcus in return.]

Sure it does. Just stop giving a shit. It's a one-step process.

 

Yeah well, you make a good pillow.

Doesn't work that way for me, man.

 

How to tell iterations apart, how to not let the bad turns bother you so much, how to ignore horrorterrors... pits, how to knit a frog! There's so many things to learn out there.

And again: not for everyone.

 

You're only saying that because it's true.

[He sips at his brandy, then wrinkles his nose.] Whatever. It's cute on you.

Oh, what, I'm the weird one here? Is this a fucking empathy thing again. I hate that. Fucking obnoxious.

 

Yeah, I am only saying it because it's true. It helps that your suits are fucking soft.

And thanks? I mean, it's one of those empathy things. If you want I can try and explain it later.

 

-his posture is suddenly wary to the trained eye, although he's trying hard to not look tense-
Huh. So how weird is too weird? With your cat boyfriend and all.

 

[Cheerily:] Everyone's weird, which means different things work for everyone. One size does not fit all in most cases!

 

"Those girls are probably as different from the ones you know as I am from Valiska," Lissa points out. "Dali is a Cere name so if she's there she might be fine, and Qihanna, that's a Sirenisse name, she probably got out. Teleny, that's a Pennarine name, it's Tilinya in Talassani, but you still don't know, and if she's smart and resourceful she'll probably land on her feet. And then again they could be assholes."

 

I... really don't care. It's sweet of you to offer, but really, I don't care. There's got to be something more interesting for us to talk about.

Uh, well, happy in mister 'I'm too sad for this world so it's time to kill a dozen people to make myself less sad' is a big tipoff right there. Like seriously, he's fucking sad all the time, what the hell is that about? "Oh no my niece is dead" it's been a year, could you cry about it a little less? Jesus, if he weren't paying me... well, we're friends so I guess I'd let him whine about it, but he never talks about his feelings it's always 'Jordi I need your help killing something' or 'Jordi here's some dumb lecture about server security' or 'Jordi I can't believe you got me a job with the Mob you know I hate mobsters'. And does he ever ask about my day? Of course not. Dick.

What was I talking about? Oh, right. Yeah, I dunno, gonna play that by ear I think. Body doubles are usually pretty easy to sniff out once they're dead though.

You know what? That's cheesy, but I like it. Let's drink to that. [He lifts his glass in a toast.]

 

Lissa laughs. "So, Jordi, if you see my sister here, please don't shoot her because she's not cheerful like me."

 

[Vector dream-summons himself a third arm to toast Jordi with something vibrant, green, and fizzy.] To weirdness, awesome and awful both!

 

*Fucking just blows a fart on Jordi's neck because he fears nothing anymore.*

 

Like I said, I'm on vacation. No shooting unless it's a target or... something like that.

[He tosses back the whole thing, then refills his glass.] Here here.

[Gets a headscritch in retaliation. Take that, you fiend.]

 

*Flops again and starts up the purrs.* I am defeated. You have slain the sphynx.